Would you like to have kids?

[Urbanney]

I don’t think so. I don’t see what I get out of it. It took me 22 years of my life to finally be financially independent, have freedom, and able to live the life that I want to live. Now I’m going to throw that away to raise a kid - becoming less financially stable, having significantly less time, and having much less freedom - and for what? What do you get out of having a kid?

The only things that make me question my answer being no is that I sorta can see it being kinda lonely just being me and my boyfriend forever. The idea of having our own family/household does sound comforting and nice, especially in old age to have others to look after us. I also think it’d be rewarding to be able to see the you raised child growing up, doing well, having the milestones. But right now, I just don’t see that being worth 18+ years of struggles. 

Also, let’s not forget the complications of trying to have kids as a gay couple. It’s not just as easy/simple as just creating your own together. Lots of considerations and possibly expensive options. 

[Neydelinska Spearsi]

24 minutes ago, Touch my GigaBrit said:

This really hits home because i am the same way, I'm the only one at family gatherings with no children while all my other siblings are there with theirs. 

I've been successfully avoiding such gatherings last 2 years with ''covid pass''

Like- Oh I'm sorry I can't come, I'm in a quarantine- see ya soon- baiii

[JordanMiller is Fggt]

12 minutes ago, FreeBritBrit said:

I've been successfully avoiding such gatherings last 2 years with ''covid pass''

Like- Oh I'm sorry I can't come, I'm in a quarantine- see ya soon- baiii

I go because I love my parents. I always tell them that I don't see the joy in having children, I just don't get it. It's a huge sacrifice and responsibility. 

[Neydelinska Spearsi]

34 minutes ago, Urbanney said:

I don’t think so. I don’t see what I get out of it. It took me 22 years of my life to finally be financially independent, have freedom, and able to live the life that I want to live. Now I’m going to throw that away to raise a kid - becoming less financially stable, having significantly less time, and having much less freedom - and for what? What do you get out of having a kid?

The only things that make me question my answer being no is that I sorta can see it being kinda lonely just being me and my boyfriend forever. The idea of having our own family/household does sound comforting and nice, especially in old age to have others to look after us. I also think it’d be rewarding to be able to see the you raised child growing up, doing well, having the milestones. But right now, I just don’t see that being worth 18+ years of struggles. 

Also, let’s not forget the complications of trying to have kids as a gay couple. It’s not just as easy/simple as just creating your own together. Lots of considerations and possibly expensive options. 

What do you get out of having a kid?

-debt

-grey hair

-wrinkles

-insomnia

- gastric reflux

- embarrassment when they do something stupid

 

 

[Neydelinska Spearsi]

1 minute ago, Touch my GigaBrit said:

I go because I love my parents. I always tell them that I don't see the joy in having children, I just don't get it. It's a huge sacrifice and responsibility. 

Oh, my family doesn't expect from me to have kids. I did have friends who started to flex with kids and I got out of those friendships. I don't want any yummy mommy bull**** or baby pics on my phone. I don't understand why people like to send those.

Or they will randomly start playing videos of their kids eating baby food and just being random. Am I supposed to care? I don't. And I sure won't have that **** on my phone- I'm not J.Epstein- if you are under 18, you have no space in my gallery. No maam. 

[SJK]

No. They are too expensive. Humans are becoming more vile. Climate change. Polluted oceans and lakes. It’s all just gonna become worse as the years go on. 
 

I will say tho. Most the reason I don’t like kids is because the parents don’t know how to be a parent. Kids are awful, entitled  and everything is offensive these days to them. 

[Neydelinska Spearsi]

4 minutes ago, SJK said:

No. They are too expensive. Humans are becoming more vile. Climate change. Polluted oceans and lakes. It’s all just gonna become worse as the years go on. 
 

I will say tho. Most the reason I don’t like kids is because the parents don’t know how to be a parent. Kids are awful, entitled  and everything is offensive these days to them. 

Expensive brats.

While in kindergarten you're supposed to buy them ******* drones, iphones, ipads, macbooks, those VR thingies gamers on you tube use and also their whole merchandise.

While in school- labeled clothes, new phones, books, more damn toys, games, school trips

While in h.school- more expensive clothes, books, pay for their night outs, concerts, festivals. And If you have girls- make up of every kind.

While in college- fees of every kind, an apartment, food, clothes, books, nights out, festivals

If you are unlucky- you'll pay for their teen pregnancies, their school fees if they fail a year and if they don't manage to find a job after graduating- they'll live off of you for possibly decades

 

It's scary

 

 

[cocodeluxe]

The only way I would like to have kids is with a partner and be completely open about it, like having my family to support me, but since Im gay and my homophobic family is balkan, I dont see that happen. But tbh I can‘t even make it to a regular relationship, let alone trusting someone that much to have kids with them. I first have to defeat that finalboss before I consider anything else

[Britneyarmy8]

Yes absolutely BUT

after several years of marriage or partnership filled with adventure vacations and living life first 

meaning I’d probs have kids no earlier then 30s

then again we will see where life takes me 

[Neydelinska Spearsi]

17 minutes ago, cocodeluxe said:

The only way I would like to have kids is with a partner and be completely open about it, like having my family to support me, but since Im gay and my homophobic family is balkan, I dont see that happen. But tbh I can‘t even make it to a regular relationship, let alone trusting someone that much to have kids with them. I first have to defeat that finalboss before I consider anything else

Balkan sisters dealing with homophobic boomers 

[AllisonMTL]

I have zero interest.  I really like my freedom and being able to travel. Also this world is such a **** show and I don't feel the need to subject anyone else to it. Husband got a vasectomy a few weeks ago and we had a huge celebration. Most people think we are crazier but we could not be happier

[Haha-Hehe-Haha-Ho]

My baby girl was born just three months ago. I know it sounds cliche and kind of meaningless from an outside perspective, but she’s come to be the light of my life in that short time. I shared many of the cynical points of view many of you have shared here, and though we weren’t as prepared as we’d hope to be, me and my wife chose to do it now as an investment in the future of our family.

We both agreed we wanted to create the family we never had when we got married, and since we just turned 30, the decision was more about timing and logistics than anything. I know that doesn’t sound cute and romantic. Yes, I’ve lost a lot of freedom and I’m a bit more broke than before but me and my wife are happy with our decision. 

That said, I completely respect the decision of folks that see things differently, I would never pressure anyone to do the same as I have and I totally see how it’s not for everyone. 

[Neydelinska Spearsi]

36 minutes ago, Haha-Hehe-Haha-Ho said:

My baby girl was born just three months ago. I know it sounds cliche and kind of meaningless from an outside perspective, but she’s come to be the light of my life in that short time. I shared many of the cynical points of view many of you have shared here, and though we weren’t as prepared as we’d hope to be, me and my wife chose to do it now as an investment in the future of our family.

We both agreed we wanted to create the family we never had when we got married, and since we just turned 30, the decision was more about timing and logistics than anything. I know that doesn’t sound cute and romantic. Yes, I’ve lost a lot of freedom and I’m a bit more broke than before but me and my wife are happy with our decision. 

That said, I completely respect the decision of folks that see things differently, I would never pressure anyone to do the same as I have and I totally see how it’s not for everyone. 

How are we cynical?

e.g. I'm pretty sure having a kid would detonate my psyche and my health. I'm not being cynical, I'm being objective.

[Haha-Hehe-Haha-Ho]

13 minutes ago, FreeBritBrit said:

How are we cynical?

e.g. I'm pretty sure having a kid would detonate my psyche and my health. I'm not being cynical, I'm being objective.

Most of the replies in this thread list the litany of reasons not to have kids. That’s cynical by definition. I didn’t mean that as a bad thing. If you believe it’s not for you then you’re probably right. That’s your truth and there’s nothing wrong of “less than” about it. 

[No Seas Cortes]

I think when this kid is healthy, kind, cute, unproblematic, loves you it really seems like a miracle to you. But here's the problem... most kids aren't like that and you never know what you gonna get when they are 5, 15, 25 years old etc. Imagine hating your child because they're annoying And forgiving them all of mistakes they will commit. God knows how serious those mistakes'd be. A child really seems just like another way to get hurt. I fear I'd only love it if they were a good, lovely kid

[Bunkywoo]

9 minutes ago, Henry M. Torres said:

I think when this kid is healthy, kind, cute, unproblematic, loves you it really seems like a miracle to you. But here's the problem... most kids aren't like that and you never know what you gonna get when they are 5, 15, 25 years old etc. Imagine hating your child because they're annoying I fear I'd only love it if they were a good, lovely kid

If you had a child , your perspective would change.  That child would become number one  in your priorities. You would be thankful and blessed for what you have been given. I think you would surprise yourself and be a good Father. Yes kids have moments .. yet its worth it. I think if you ever decided to be a father… I doubt you would raise your child in a way to ever think of hating them.  Your bond once that child is born most likely would instantly be love and to protect .  You do your best to guild , teach and support .  I am not you .. yet you seem to be a nice guy . 

[phinyls]

not at all. i don't think the perspective i have of a family really makes me motivated to believe i could endure that. 

ofc i cannot speak for my future self but i don't think this will easily change, now if we count dogs as kids... yeah i want two. thanks 

[aleomg]

I want Chris Evans’ kids inside me. 

[Grace Kelly]

I have three kids, two daughters aged 7 and 9 and a son aged 3.  For me having kids is the best thing I have ever done, but also the hardest and stressful thing I have ever done (although my husband is the best Dad in the world which helps). It has brought me a huge amount of joy, but I totally respect the fact it is not the same for everyone. No-one should feel like they have to have them or have them before they are ready to do so. What is right for one person is not necessarily right for another person. Just be happy and follow your heart either way and anyone who criticizes the choice you make (or makes you feel like it is a taboo to choose not to have them) is a moron!   

[Grace Kelly]

On 11/17/2021 at 1:24 PM, Henry M. Torres said:

Who knows, definitely not in my 20s. Career is the most important thing to me now

I can totally imagine in the future having for example a beautiful son and loving him hard and doing everything for him

But I'm a kid myself now and I don't wanna be around kids cause ew

I won't be like a regular dad, I'll be a cool dad - that's for sure

You always think you are going to be a "cool parent" before you have them. My kids love me a great deal, but are simultaneously mortified by me around their friends, which I was not expecting when previously contemplating motherhood!