Would you like to have kids?

[BSpears1984]

5 hours ago, britisthecolor said:

no no no no no.

I love kids but I want to live only for myself and I don't want to offend parents but sorry, I will, I think it's cruel to have kids because we can't ask them beforehand "do you want to be born?" and even if we do our best to make them happy and build a good future for them, there is no guarantee that they are going to be happy and have a beautiful life.I would have NEVER wanted to live the life I'm living if it was up to me (or any other life, honestly) and I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.having a kid is the most selfish thing anyone can do."the world is a very cruel and dangerous place, anything can happen and **** up my child's life, s/he can be unhappy for life and s/he can't decide if s/he wants to be born but I'll have that kid anyway because I want to be a parent".it's just too wrong for me.

This is probably the most disgusting and incorrect thing I’ve ever heard. 

“Having kids is the most selfish thing anyone can do”…are you serious? It’s actually the most unselfish thing someone can do. You are dedicating your life to protecting another’s life. The fact that you said it’s selfish to have kids is honestly gross. Just because you had a ****ty life doesn’t mean the world should stop procreating. If you don’t like the way your life is going, change it. I was abused by my father as a child and I made it a goal of mine to flip the situation and be the best father there ever was. I have two kids now that love and look up to me and there isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do for them. I understand life is hard, but you have the power to change the way your life is going. Step up and make that change. 
 

“Be the change you want to see in the world”

[Neydelinska Spearsi]

5 hours ago, BSpears1984 said:

This is probably the most disgusting and incorrect thing I’ve ever heard. 

“Having kids is the most selfish thing anyone can do”…are you serious? It’s actually the most unselfish thing someone can do. You are dedicating your life to protecting another’s life. The fact that you said it’s selfish to have kids is honestly gross. Just because you had a ****ty life doesn’t mean the world should stop procreating. If you don’t like the way your life is going, change it. I was abused by my father as a child and I made it a goal of mine to flip the situation and be the best father there ever was. I have two kids now that love and look up to me and there isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do for them. I understand life is hard, but you have the power to change the way your life is going. Step up and make that change. 
 

“Be the change you want to see in the world”

Leave the member alone.  Regardless what you think about it, that member can say whatever he wants to. It's his life and his opinion, not yours. Also he never said the world should stop because of him.

And if he feels like it's the best not to have kids because of finances, traumas etc God bless him, he realized it and can stay away from the triggers. Yes, kids and the whole parenting thing can be a trigger for previous traumas and just because YOU managed to become a parent doesn't mean everyone else with traumas could do the same. No. At all.

So, please be respectful of people in here, especially those with traumas. Thanks. Bye

[BSpears1984]

1 hour ago, FreeBritBrit said:

Leave the member alone.  Regardless what you think about it, that member can say whatever he wants to. It's his life and his opinion, not yours. Also he never said the world should stop because of him.

And if he feels like it's the best not to have kids because of finances, traumas etc God bless him, he realized it and can stay away from the triggers. Yes, kids and the whole parenting thing can be a trigger for previous traumas and just because YOU managed to become a parent doesn't mean everyone else with traumas could do the same. No. At all.

So, please be respectful of people in here, especially those with traumas. Thanks. Bye

Not having kids because of finances and trauma is perfectly fine. I never said that was an issue. My issue is with the following that the member said, “I think it's cruel to have kids because we can't ask them beforehand "do you want to be born?" ”

 

I’m sorry but that logic does not make any sense. The world would end if that was the case, because there would be no more people. 
 

Not wanting to have kids because of trauma in one’s life is fine, and honestly respected. But saying children shouldn’t be born because we can’t ask them if they wanted to be born is illogical. And I think you know that. 

[Neydelinska Spearsi]

3 minutes ago, BSpears1984 said:

Not having kids because of finances and trauma is perfectly fine. I never said that was an issue. My issue is with the following that the member said, “I think it's cruel to have kids because we can't ask them beforehand "do you want to be born?" ”

 

I’m sorry but that logic does not make any sense. The world would end if that was the case, because there would be no more people. 
 

Not wanting to have kids because of trauma in one’s life is fine, and honestly respected. But saying children shouldn’t be born because we can’t ask them if they wanted to be born is illogical. And I think you know that. 

Fair enough.

I can't argue with that because yeah, no one has a say if he/she wants to be born or not.. Fair point.

[JayTawndre]

[britisthecolor]

8 hours ago, BSpears1984 said:

This is probably the most disgusting and incorrect thing I’ve ever heard. 

“Having kids is the most selfish thing anyone can do”…are you serious? It’s actually the most unselfish thing someone can do. You are dedicating your life to protecting another’s life. The fact that you said it’s selfish to have kids is honestly gross. Just because you had a ****ty life doesn’t mean the world should stop procreating. If you don’t like the way your life is going, change it. I was abused by my father as a child and I made it a goal of mine to flip the situation and be the best father there ever was. I have two kids now that love and look up to me and there isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do for them. I understand life is hard, but you have the power to change the way your life is going. Step up and make that change. 
 

“Be the change you want to see in the world”

I strongly disagree and nothing can change my mind.I have problems like everybody else but my life is not that ****ty but I still wouldn't have chosen to exist and I know for a fact that there are a **** ton of people like me.you may think that having a kid because YOU wanted to be a parent is unselfish but even if you are the best parent in the world and your kids are happy and even if they don't have a serious condition or trauma etc it doesn't change the fact that anything can happen any minute and make them wish they were never born.my parents had me because THEY wanted to and there was no ******* way to know if I would want it, too.and no matter what they do to make me happy, I am not happy because contrary to what most people think, being a good parent is not enough to make someone happy and make their life worth living for them and not everyone is happy to have an ok life.that's what you don't understand, I don't have to have the ****tiest life to think and feel this way, so, keep your useless advices to yourself.my parents decided me to live, not I,  and I have to live a life that will keep bringing problems my way and I can't think of anything more selfish than that.

[Neydelinska Spearsi]

10 minutes ago, britisthecolor said:

I strongly disagree and nothing can change my mind.I have problems like everybody else but my life is not that ****ty but I still wouldn't have chosen to exist and I know for a fact that there are a **** ton of people like me.you may think that having a kid because YOU wanted to be a parent is unselfish but even if you are the best parent in the world and your kids are happy and even if they don't have a serious condition or trauma etc it doesn't change the fact that anything can happen any minute and make them wish they were never born.my parents had me because THEY wanted to and there was no ******* way to know if I would want it, too.and no matter what they do to make me happy, I am not happy because contrary to what most people think, being a good parent is not enough to make someone happy and make their life worth living for them and not everyone is happy to have an ok life.that's what you don't understand, I don't have to have the ****tiest life to think and feel this way, so, keep your useless advices to yourself.my parents decided me to live, not I,  and I have to live a life that will keep bringing problems my way and I can't think of anything more selfish than that.

Don't stress over anyone's opinion in here. Focus on yourself and your own health- mental and physical. Just because most of us could have kids doesn't necessarily means we should. And that's ok. The earth won't stop rotating, people won't get extinct because some of us are unfit (and we are open about it) to be parents.

Stay strong! Wish you all the best!

[FullyDattAndDatt3full]

ppfffff.. lets be candid, id hate to clean excrement

and even if i got an older adopted kid, then it felt like i haven't done the complete job also, you know what i mean? NB! its important here that I (MEEEE!) feels like it from my subjective feelset, not criticizing anyone, i mean i don't know others experience. its my OWN CONFESSION!!'

of course the (simple) logic here is i feel guilty of adopting in the case that i don't want to clean baby sh** (and not interested in babies)

[FullyDattAndDatt3full]

and in case of adoption: what if my adopted child later on accuses me of adopting him/her

its so creepy

what if i were one of two gay parents that adopted a male child at 5 for example and later the child accuses us? heck, he could accuse us even if adopter at12, 14,15

imagine a long had adopted child making a "supercool shocking confession" at 25 or 30 "i didn't really want them to adopt me but i told if they really wanted i wuz young" etc

everybody would believe and it would be such a bummer

[BSpears1984]

33 minutes ago, britisthecolor said:

I strongly disagree and nothing can change my mind.I have problems like everybody else but my life is not that ****ty but I still wouldn't have chosen to exist and I know for a fact that there are a **** ton of people like me.you may think that having a kid because YOU wanted to be a parent is unselfish but even if you are the best parent in the world and your kids are happy and even if they don't have a serious condition or trauma etc it doesn't change the fact that anything can happen any minute and make them wish they were never born.my parents had me because THEY wanted to and there was no ******* way to know if I would want it, too.and no matter what they do to make me happy, I am not happy because contrary to what most people think, being a good parent is not enough to make someone happy and make their life worth living for them and not everyone is happy to have an ok life.that's what you don't understand, I don't have to have the ****tiest life to think and feel this way, so, keep your useless advices to yourself.my parents decided me to live, not I,  and I have to live a life that will keep bringing problems my way and I can't think of anything more selfish than that.

 

I understand and have compassion for the way you feel. I really do. I truly hope you are safe and doing well. My one major issue is with the following that you said,  “I think it's cruel to have kids because we can't ask them beforehand do you want to be born?" That unfortunately is illogical. No one can have a choice on being brought onto this planet. Saying it is selfish because we didn't ask the child if they wanted to be here or not is not fair to say because you cant be selfish over something that is impossible to do in the first place. I get your meaning behind it, its just something that is not a realistic possible thing to do. Again, hope you are well. 

[britisthecolor]

7 hours ago, FreeBritBrit said:

Don't stress over anyone's opinion in here. Focus on yourself and your own health- mental and physical. Just because most of us could have kids doesn't necessarily means we should. And that's ok. The earth won't stop rotating, people won't get extinct because some of us are unfit (and we are open about it) to be parents.

Stay strong! Wish you all the best!

<3

6 hours ago, BSpears1984 said:

 you cant be selfish over something that is impossible to do in the first place. 

Yes you can + think about all the reasons why people have kids.

I want someone who'll love me unconditionally, I don't want to be alone when I'm old, I want to give love to someone who belongs to me and so on...It's not only about being able to ask the kids if they want to be born and the fact that it's impossible to do doesn't change my mind, I still think and always will think that my parents had no right to make that huge decision on behalf of me and now I have to deal with life and I'm in that dangerous place called earth because they wanted a living possession. 

You can continue to think being a great father and making sacrifices for your kids etc, in other words doing the things you have to do because you brought them to this world and because those things are your duties as a parent (I do not mean to say that you do those things only because you have to) makes you unselfish.I won't agree. Bye. 

[Bboy1988]

No, thanks. As much as I’d love a kid to continue on my name:legacy, I just don’t have it in me to take care of a child.