How to cope with losing the one?

[ExXL]

I'm so sorry it happened to you, 10 years is a lot and disappearing like that without a genuine explanation is very hurtful and confusing especially from a close person as you describe him to be , at the end of the day my advice to you is - stick with yourself , there are very few people in life whom you can trust, I personally only trust my family everyone else disappointed me already, he sounds really unstable and troubled , if you say he has his "tempers" it isn't your fault , he has a problem unfortunately I'm familiar with such cases , but you should be grateful you are not like that because because people who can't control their tempers are the most miserable , I hope you'll find a better person who deserves an honest and true friend who doesn't just run away from people who care about him..... 

[kfitz421]

Truth is, you don’t lose the one. Hope this helps and sorry for your hurting - x

[torontofan]

I have learned there is no such thing as "the one" even if it really truly feels that way. I'm sure you were kindred spirits meant to be in the time you were together,  but unfortunately people do come and go in life no matter how important they are to us. It is HARD losing that special someone, especially a first love. That first love can never be replaced and it will hurt. But over time I promise you will start to feel okay without them and then one day when you least expect it you will feel okay being with someone else. And honestly, the first time being with someone else may feel weird and less comfortable, but again, over time it will get better and one day when it is meant to be you will find someone else who makes you feel loved and this part of your life will be a memory. Life and love is HARD. Feel the emotions, go through the motions and take all the time you need. But remember, that it can and will get better.

[britbitch94]

I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. I’ve gone through this myself. I remember crying as I packed up my things in our home and braced for this new chapter in my life that would be solely on my own. At the time, I remember feeling like I had given up on myself and that my life was over. Looking back, staying in that relationship with someone who I wasn’t meant to be with wouldn’t have allowed me to grow as a person and eventually meet the current man in my life that i’m going to marry. It’s perfectly okay to be sad and to grieve the relationship, but it’s also okay to be happy in the process and eventually close that chapter of your life. I know it’s a huge cliche, but you will move on from this and it will make you a stronger person

[kdub87]

Honestly? He most likely met someone else. You just have to give it time, it always feels like you’ll never get over it until you do. And you will get over it.

I don’t believe in “one person forever” personally, I think it’s a pipe dream. Some people are able to convince themselves that that’s the thing to strive for in relationships, but at the end of the day they’re still fighting against their basic human instincts. You had a long relationship, got a lot out of it, now it’s ended and time to move on.

My advice? Go out on some dates, have fun. One day you’ll be too old to do that and you’ll wish you did.

[kgid]

You do deserve an explanation.

You won't get one.

When someone shows you who they are TODAY.

Believe, don't chase who they were.  Respect who they've become and the choices they made.  Try not to dwell too long on the sting of those choices not including or being you.

By virtue that they are gone from your life, they are not the one for your future.  Maybe they were the one in your past, but evolution of the person is real.  

 

How you're feeling is real and valid.  Take the time to feel what you need to.  Lean towards acceptance.  You won't change their mind.  Don't try. 

I tell my daughters all the time when they're sad or anxious, "It's okay to feel the way you're feeling.  Get it out.  Feel it.  Cry.  Then after you've done that, it's not okay to park your car there and sit and look at the rearview mirror.  There comes a time when you've got to shift back into drive to new destinations."

 

Chase that horizon, Dear.  

[Arianna]

It won’t make you feel better now but I always always believe everything happens for a reason and one day it will all make sense when you look back. I know how bad it hurts, TRUST ME- I know. I was convinced this person was the one I couldn’t see myself with anyone else I wanted it more than anything and it didn’t work out. I wanted to die I couldn’t envision life without them. Then without looking someone else showed up and he is better in every way and I cry over how happy I am now because I never would’ve thought I could be. So while this hurts unbearable now- If you’re meant to be with them you will be. But don’t shut others out. I never would give anyone a chance and when I finally did- I’ve never been happier.

 

Also, cry it out. Listen to sad songs, write about it- feel it. You will reach a point when you will run out of tears and life will start to feel a little tiny bit better each day. And therapy helps too. I sometimes have moments of nostalgia but I know what I deserve and that wasn’t it. And you don’t deserve someone so easily icing you out. Goodbye!

PS I had such an unhealthy relationship with social media that I got rid of all of it and force myself not to look anymore. It really helps.

[ObsessedBritFan1]

Maybe he started to feel like you were being too co-dependent and that can bear a lot of responsibility on someone that feels they lack a sense of self or identity. I don’t think you can lose “the one” since you eventually find each other. I’d say appreciate the strides and growth you have made as it may prepare you for “the one” (if he isn’t it) and really take the time to figure out who you are. You may or may not realize he was the one or either way, you’ll see clearly what your wants and needs are. Preferably someone that knows them self and are stable with who they are.

[No Seas Cortes]

I think it's a good idea to watch some YouTube videos with psychologists talking how to deal with it, they are really smart people that understand processes that happen in your head 

[BoyDeChanel]

1 hour ago, kdub87 said:

Honestly? He most likely met someone else. You just have to give it time, it always feels like you’ll never get over it until you do. And you will get over it.

I don’t believe in “one person forever” personally, I think it’s a pipe dream. Some people are able to convince themselves that that’s the thing to strive for in relationships, but at the end of the day they’re still fighting against their basic human instincts. You had a long relationship, got a lot out of it, now it’s ended and time to move on.

My advice? Go out on some dates, have fun. One day you’ll be too old to do that and you’ll wish you did.

Maybe it would be easier if he actually did meet someone new, but he didn't and that somehow makes it worse.

I already wish I did not waste so much time, but it's very hard to go on dates here, almost everyone is only up for one-night stands and if you are not ready to put out the first time, you are out... That is just not my thing

[BoyDeChanel]

2 hours ago, brit*****94 said:

I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. I’ve gone through this myself. I remember crying as I packed up my things in our home and braced for this new chapter in my life that would be solely on my own. At the time, I remember feeling like I had given up on myself and that my life was over. Looking back, staying in that relationship with someone who I wasn’t meant to be with wouldn’t have allowed me to grow as a person and eventually meet the current man in my life that i’m going to marry. It’s perfectly okay to be sad and to grieve the relationship, but it’s also okay to be happy in the process and eventually close that chapter of your life. I know it’s a huge cliche, but you will move on from this and it will make you a stronger person

I'm glad it worked out for you and you found the man for you, marriage is a big step, congrats

[BoyDeChanel]

1 hour ago, ObsessedBritFan1 said:

Maybe he started to feel like you were being too co-dependent and that can bear a lot of responsibility on someone that feels they lack a sense of self or identity. I don’t think you can lose “the one” since you eventually find each other. I’d say appreciate the strides and growth you have made as it may prepare you for “the one” (if he isn’t it) and really take the time to figure out who you are. You may or may not realize he was the one or either way, you’ll see clearly what your wants and needs are. Preferably someone that knows them self and are stable with who they are.

Thank you for this perspective

[ObsessedBritFan1]

34 minutes ago, BoyDeChanel said:

Thank you for this perspective

 

[kdub87]

36 minutes ago, BoyDeChanel said:

Maybe it would be easier if he actually did meet someone new, but he didn't and that somehow makes it worse.

I already wish I did not waste so much time, but it's very hard to go on dates here, almost everyone is only up for one-night stands and if you are not ready to put out the first time, you are out... That is just not my thing

If you know for sure he didn’t meet someone else, then the only other answer is it ran it’s course. Nothing lasts forever, and you’ll have people around you or online that will try to analyze the minutia of the relationship to find a different answer because the real answer isn’t that comforting.

You will meet plenty more people over your lifetime, just try not to waste too much of your time grieving over past relationships. Easier said than done I’ll admit, my past breakups felt like they had no end in sight and I was sure I’d be miserable forever. I was wrong lol.

I feel when we are looking for relationships, we tend to overlook things that are going to be detrimental just because we want a relationship. Let it happen organically, not through dating apps and all that stuff. Especially when you’re in a fragile state, you may put too much pressure on it. Just have fun, as hard as it is right now, and don’t be so quick to write off hookups or one time things. Sometimes that’s just what you need

[Mayenaise]

One thing I've learned is that some people are toxic af and good at hiding it, and can do for long periods of time.

The question is... do you believe he has suddenly "changed" so drastically and so quickly?

I would give him a little space and then try contact once more, asking for the real reason for the sudden change because your worried about him and care for him - if this fails then its time to move on.

[ExXL]

6 hours ago, CrazyButItFeelsAllright said:

I had my finger on the quote until I decided to keep scrolling and glad you called it out 

Ignore them , these kind of people bring negative energy and have no sympathy for others , the best way to deal with them is to stay away from them , let the negativity evaporate , I've seen that disgusting comment in here and I simply chose to look at the positive ones , let that broken person heal , maybe 1 day they'll understand ..... 

[BoyDeChanel]

48 minutes ago, Mayenaise said:

One thing I've learned is that some people are toxic af and good at hiding it, and can do for long periods of time.

The question is... do you believe he has suddenly "changed" so drastically and so quickly?

I would give him a little space and then try contact once more, asking for the real reason for the sudden change because your worried about him and care for him - if this fails then its time to move on.

I don't believe. I already tried with giving him lots of time and space and then contacting him, but the answer was the same unfortunately...

[ObsessedBritFan1]

44 minutes ago, BoyDeChanel said:

I don't believe. I already tried with giving him lots of time and space and then contacting him, but the answer was the same unfortunately...

 

[RadicalOptimism]

7 hours ago, BoyDeChanel said:

Thank you all for kind words, it means a lot, because I have no one to speak to about this topic, not my family, nor my friends.

I wish it was easier to find a new person, but it's not, it's been so long, where are they? 

I didn’t date again until several months after to take time to focus on myself and my accomplishments, but I know the wait will be worth it. I know it all sounds like empty words right now, but right now your healing is most important 

[Malaysia]

I’m here with you sis.. I got dumped by my narcissistic ex last year after 5 long years which two of them I was taking care of him in prison. Watched him walk away with a girl 😭😭 it made me develop a huge coke addiction which today I actually threw away the last bit after going ham last night. I made a promise that I’m done letting myself succumb to a nasty ****.. it’s gonna be depressing at first but you just have to find other things that make you happy and keep yourself occupied. Don’t lose focus of your goals because you’re only wasting time you won’t get back! I myself gave up on my goals and now I’m an old hag (I’ve always wanted to do television because I think I’m pretty funny lol). if you ever need to talk shoot me a dm because I still think about my ex everyday and it’s been a year, so I know exactly what you’re going through. Stay strong homie 🙏