What are your thoughts on cheating?

[ObsessedBritFan1]

27 minutes ago, MaxMillion said:

Maybe you need to start realizing that love is never perfect. People make mistakes. Life isn't always perfect. 

Relationship means "relating" to your partner. Yes, cheating is a bad choice, but maybe your partner felt he couldn't talk about his/her needs with you. And that is the point where it isn't about your partner anymore but about yourself.

I feel like we are so judgemental on cheaters feeling that "leaving is better than staying as you deserve better". But maybe the partner really regrets it. And that is when it is time to start deep conversations. And trust me...your relationship will never be the same. But that is good! Life means change ❤️

It's what I'm realizing now is that people make mistakes and love isn't perfect. I'm scared of relationships or being in a marriage because I feel that people are disingenuous when they enter a monogamous relationship because of societal pressures that would otherwise be punitive towards them. I could never be in a polygamous relationship, but I don't think I'd ever want to get married. So what exactly is the middle ground because ... physical and emotionally intimacy are needs we all have and without it life just seems empty sometimes otherwise. I guess I'm just reevaluating my own values because I don't know what they are anymore. Would I forgive a cheater? I don't know. Based on my life experiences with both my friends and clients, it just seems much more realistic that forgiving someone that genuinely wants to work on their cheating habits or if they self-sabotage, may not be as bad as we have otherwise been taught through mass media. 

[MaxMillion]

3 minutes ago, ObsessedBritFan1 said:

It's what I'm realizing now is that people make mistakes and love isn't perfect. I'm scared of relationships or being in a marriage because I feel that people are disingenuous when they enter a monogamous relationship because of societal pressures that would otherwise be punitive towards them. I could never be in a polygamous relationship, but I don't think I'd ever want to get married. So what exactly is the middle ground because ... physical and emotionally intimacy are needs we all have and without it life just seems empty sometimes otherwise. I guess I'm just reevaluating my own values because I don't know what they are anymore. Would I forgive a cheater? I don't know. Based on my life experiences with both my friends and clients, it just seems much more realistic that forgiving someone that genuinely wants to work on their cheating habits or if they self-sabotage, may not be as bad as we have otherwise been taught through mass media. 

I think that's a quite grown-up way to think about betrayal. As I said earlier, there are various ways of betraying your lartner, not just cheating. You can betray someone by not listening to them, neglecting their needs and wishes, physically hurting them, not spending time with them, making them small, and cheating on them. While physical abuse is an absolute no-go, most people would see cheating as second ranked.

I personally just wished that people start to change perspectives and try to see behind all the hurt and pain. 

Omnia vincit armor ❤️❤️❤️

 

 

[PokemonSpears]

28 minutes ago, SloppyToppyGoddess said:

If you agree to an open relationship or even the once or twice 3some/****...is that considered cheating? I mean you're still stepping out on your partner and being intimate with another person.

Or is it only considered cheating if you go into the relationship monogamous? I just started watching Big Love on HBO Max and it made think how these 3 women are okay sharing their husband and also how this man thinks its okay for him to have multiple wives but the wives are expected to stay loyal to him. Especially the first wife. They were together for like 10-12 years and she got cancer. The husband than suggests polygamy and it's said that she loved him so much she didn't want to lose him, so she accepted.

I think it's all about consent. If you're willing to share a partner, then it's your decision. You have the choice to be with someone in an exclusive relationship or stay with the one that's explicitly telling you that is gonna be with other people besides yourself.

Cheating on someone who thought that was in an exclusive relationship with you, sucks in so many ways. If you're not happy with your partner, or you're starting to like someone else, be brave enough to recognize it and talk openly about it to your partner. 

Those that go with something like "it was a mistake, I don't know what happened, I couldn't control myself" and then ask to be forgiven, it's not only cynical but even if it was true, it's like, what are you, an animal that can't control itself and only acts by their most primitive instincts?

[MaxMillion]

8 minutes ago, PokemonSpears said:

I think it's all about consent. If you're willing to share a partner, then it's your decision. You have the choice to be with someone in an exclusive relationship or stay with the one that's explicitly telling you that is gonna be with other people besides yourself.

Cheating on someone who thought that was in an exclusive relationship with you, sucks in so many ways. If you're not happy with your partner, or you're starting to like someone else, be brave enough to recognize it and talk openly about it to your partner. 

Those that go with something like "it was a mistake, I don't know what happened, I couldn't control myself" and then ask to be forgiven, it's not only cynical but even if it was true, it's like, what are you, an animal that can't control itself and only acts by their most primitive instincts?

I agree with u that is all about consent! I like that!

Still, I have a question on your last point: Did u ever do sth that u knew was wrong/not good (e. g. get drunk, smashed a bottle, insult someone, lied to someone) – for whatever reason? I see all of these acts as things where people "couldn't control themselves". Yet, the might regret them, knowing that their behavior was wrong. Why is it that cheating is such a high-standard form of betrayal?

[Garrett]

Personally, it's something I could never forgive and I find it wrong. I find it disrespectful not only to their partner's trust, but also  safety since there are so many STDs that are prevalent. 

[PokemonSpears]

2 hours ago, MaxMillion said:

I agree with u that is all about consent! I like that!

Still, I have a question on your last point: Did u ever do sth that u knew was wrong/not good (e. g. get drunk, smashed a bottle, insult someone, lied to someone) – for whatever reason? I see all of these acts as things where people "couldn't control themselves". Yet, the might regret them, knowing that their behavior was wrong. Why is it that cheating is such a high-standard form of betrayal?

Well, plot twist: I've never been in a relationship and I've never done anything like that where I lose control, I mean, I guess getting mad at someone or insulting, yeah, but it's really, really hard for someone or something to take me to that point. And I haven't abused substances.

 

But I've had to be the counselor of many of my friends and their relationships, and of course I know many stories of cheating and betrayal, even within my own family, like my aunt that found out her husband had cheated on her with almost 19 women, which most of them already had children (about the same ages) and worked at the same place as her, but that's an extreme case.

You can get drunk, but you should also know who to get drunk with, and ultimately what alcohol does is not to magically give you a personality you don't have, but actually what it does is that it removes your inhibitions so your inner wishes come to light, but that's another story. We could also talk about ***** or if someone puts something on your drink without your knowledge, etc. That would be something to talk to your partner if that was the case, but that's a whole different kind of issue.

What I meant is, sometimes people put that excuse, even with no substances involved, like, "oh we were working until very late, and I decided to accompany her home, and one thing led to another, and bump, we ended up in her bed, but I didn't want to, I promise, I only love YOU". That's the kind of bs that I wouldn't buy nor forgive, because chances are it can happen again, and because that means he or she didn't really care about their compromise with you. Again, no one can be so weak that they can't say, hey, this is wrong, I'm in a relationship, bye. If you're really feeling attracted to this coworker or whatever, ok, you can't lie to yourself, then talk to your partner and expose the situation, and decide whatever is best, for both of you.

Which leads me to your question, why is it that cheating is such a high-standard form of betrayal? I think because being in a relationship is such a high-standard form of commitment too. If you cannot commit to one person for the rest  of your life, or even for just a period of time, then don't be in a relationship. Many studies say that the human is inherently promiscuous, polygamous, so I may understand that some people really need to be with a lot of people, ok, then go and find people just like you, instead of lying to someone that is really willing to suppress "their reproductive instincts" to be just with you, when you know you won't be able to control yourself and you won't miss the chance to sleep with whoever crosses your path that seems attractive.

I guess a lot of the drama related to cheating would be avoided if people or society in general didn't see polygamy as a bad thing to begin with. If having a boyfriend/girlfriend or marriage weren't so overrated, many people would get involved with each other being very honest and transparent since the beginning about being with other people too. But then they'd have to evaluate things such as, maybe there's one person you like the most, you've been with 4 people other than them, but that person has already been with 10 other people, so maybe you're not that important to them, and many scenarios like that. But again, it's all about knowing the rules of the game since the beginning. If someone really believes in monogamy and just wants to be with one person at a time, then that needs to be respected, you can't just play with people like that

[MinakoS]

I think it's very disrespectful, what about all the moments you've been spending with your partner.. It is really worth to ruin all that just because you saw someone attractive.. Have an aunce of dignity and quit the person before, especially if you already built something together. 

[Midnight]

I think that cheating is wrong and that you should respect the person you are with.

If you feel like cheating then you shouldn't be in a relationship, you need to be honest with the person you are with and end it before feelings get hurt.

Thank you.

[Arianna]

5 hours ago, MaxMillion said:

I think there are various ways of "cheating" on your partner, not just ***ual cheating. If we stopped being so defamatory to people who cheated and start an open conversation about the reasons, more relationships would last. Not saying that cheating is a good thing though; I'm saying that ***ual cheating is just one way of hurting the person you love the most.

I can really recommend Esther's approach to it:

 

Sounds like something a cheater would say..

Ive been cheated on numerous times and have PTSD from it..

[Peanut]

The ***ually immoral will reap corruption on their flesh; what man sows he will also reap. The Bible was ahead of its time.

[2K16NEY]

Falling in love isn’t cheating?

What kind of BS laughable article is this? Excuse me? Having lust for someone and wanting to bang them is absolutely cheating. Falling in love is not just a *feeling* it takes months to years of hard work and commitment, trust, loyalty, all of that. The first few months of ‘love’ is an incredibly clouded judgement moment and if you’re feeling that way while in a relationship, you’re a piece of ****

[Itscuzim31]

1 hour ago, Peanut said:

The ***ually immoral will reap corruption on their flesh; what man sows he will also reap. The Bible was ahead of its time.

Welcome to Exhale. Stay a while, you’ll see the Bible has no place here 

[Doja Kitten]

6 hours ago, SloppyToppyGoddess said:

If you agree to an open relationship or even the once or twice 3some/****...is that considered cheating? I mean you're still stepping out on your partner and being intimate with another person.

Or is it only considered cheating if you go into the relationship monogamous? I just started watching Big Love on HBO Max and it made think how these 3 women are okay sharing their husband and also how this man thinks its okay for him to have multiple wives but the wives are expected to stay loyal to him. Especially the first wife. They were together for like 10-12 years and she got cancer. The husband than suggests polygamy and it's said that she loved him so much she didn't want to lose him, so she accepted.

It’s not cheating if your partner knows and allows it. Not all people believe in monogamy. 
To me monogamy is just a romantic conventional concept that doesn’t work for most people. 

[officialmaurice]

Listen… there’s no forgiving (from me) for cheating. It’s wrong and there’s no excuse for it. There’s no conversation - you’re INSTANTLY dismissed. 

[2K16NEY]

1 hour ago, Pbloem19 said:

It’s not cheating if your partner knows and allows it. Not all people believe in monogamy. 
To me monogamy is just a romantic conventional concept that doesn’t work for most people. 

The main problem here is communication. Monogamy may be entirely a social construct but the main problem here is the lying and betrayal. People find it easier to lie and claim they are being loyal and committed while doing the opposite for fear of losing someone. Sometimes people cheat because there are issues and instead of confronting someone and breaking up with them, they pretend things are fine and cheat behind their back. 
 

Honestly, cheating can really damage a person’s self esteem and confidence, even causing ptsd and trust issues for life. 

If people want to be open, then they need to learn how to be honest about it and be on the same page as their partners.

[Doja Kitten]

6 minutes ago, 2K16NEY said:

The main problem here is communication. Monogamy may be entirely a social construct but the main problem here is the lying and betrayal. People find it easier to lie and claim they are being loyal and committed while doing the opposite for fear of losing someone. Sometimes people cheat because there are issues and instead of confronting someone and breaking up with them, they pretend things are fine and cheat behind their back. 
 

Honestly, cheating can really damage a person’s self esteem and confidence, even causing ptsd and trust issues for life. 

If people want to be open, then they need to learn how to be honest about it and be on the same page as their partners.

I’m by no means defending cheating. If both you and your partner think you’re in a closed monogamous relationship then neither party should engage in intimate relationships with other people. I was responding to the person who’s confused if it’s cheating if their partner is informed and allows it to happen. If so they are in an open relationships and there’s no cheating involved. 

 

[Look But Don't Touch]

Cheating is extremely disrespectful. I'd hate that person like crazy, I'd never want to see this ***** again.

If this was gay relationship I would probably  him. That's what u get 

[ObsessedBritFan1]

I've never been more confused in my life. So many extreme opinions, greatly appreciated.

[Gioney]

10 hours ago, HairFullOfSecrets said:

This is stupid take tbh, people dont need to be in a relationship if they dont want to. It has nothing to do with growing up.

The fact that society pretty much forces everyone to be in monogamous relationships (like this post shows) is what leads to a lot of people cheating

Read what I wrote. Be single so u can mingle.  U Will hurt nobody. And cheating  it's studied and considered a mental issue by psychology, not church. 

[Princess Britney 007]

13 hours ago, ObsessedBritFan1 said:

Yes! But how many of us have perfect characters? And as I’ve gotten older, I’m a strong believer people can reform and change. I feel like I shouldn’t be as discerning, but I don’t know. And some people have mental health issues that impairs their judgement. So idk anymore 

Sure, people reform. But do you think people more specifically your new significant other wont be skeptical about it? Trust is something that should never be broken and people take it seriously especially in a committed relationship. 

Good luck finding someone who will trust you again. I mean in general.