What are your thoughts on cheating?

[itswwasheembitch]

I have been cheaten on and I also cheated. The only thing I can say is that is one of the dumbest and ugliest thing you can do. You can't say you loved someone if you hurt him. There is ANY excuse for it. 

 

[MaxMillion]

7 hours ago, Arianna said:

Sounds like something a cheater would say..

Ive been cheated on numerous times and have PTSD from it..

Sounds like something a person with PTSD aka craaaazzzyyy person would say ...

[MaxMillion]

10 hours ago, PokemonSpears said:

Well, plot twist: I've never been in a relationship and I've never done anything like that where I lose control, I mean, I guess getting mad at someone or insulting, yeah, but it's really, really hard for someone or something to take me to that point. And I haven't abused substances.

 

But I've had to be the counselor of many of my friends and their relationships, and of course I know many stories of cheating and betrayal, even within my own family, like my aunt that found out her husband had cheated on her with almost 19 women, which most of them already had children (about the same ages) and worked at the same place as her, but that's an extreme case.

You can get drunk, but you should also know who to get drunk with, and ultimately what alcohol does is not to magically give you a personality you don't have, but actually what it does is that it removes your inhibitions so your inner wishes come to light, but that's another story. We could also talk about ***** or if someone puts something on your drink without your knowledge, etc. That would be something to talk to your partner if that was the case, but that's a whole different kind of issue.

What I meant is, sometimes people put that excuse, even with no substances involved, like, "oh we were working until very late, and I decided to accompany her home, and one thing led to another, and bump, we ended up in her bed, but I didn't want to, I promise, I only love YOU". That's the kind of bs that I wouldn't buy nor forgive, because chances are it can happen again, and because that means he or she didn't really care about their compromise with you. Again, no one can be so weak that they can't say, hey, this is wrong, I'm in a relationship, bye. If you're really feeling attracted to this coworker or whatever, ok, you can't lie to yourself, then talk to your partner and expose the situation, and decide whatever is best, for both of you.

Which leads me to your question, why is it that cheating is such a high-standard form of betrayal? I think because being in a relationship is such a high-standard form of commitment too. If you cannot commit to one person for the rest  of your life, or even for just a period of time, then don't be in a relationship. Many studies say that the human is inherently promiscuous, polygamous, so I may understand that some people really need to be with a lot of people, ok, then go and find people just like you, instead of lying to someone that is really willing to suppress "their reproductive instincts" to be just with you, when you know you won't be able to control yourself and you won't miss the chance to sleep with whoever crosses your path that seems attractive.

I guess a lot of the drama related to cheating would be avoided if people or society in general didn't see polygamy as a bad thing to begin with. If having a boyfriend/girlfriend or marriage weren't so overrated, many people would get involved with each other being very honest and transparent since the beginning about being with other people too. But then they'd have to evaluate things such as, maybe there's one person you like the most, you've been with 4 people other than them, but that person has already been with 10 other people, so maybe you're not that important to them, and many scenarios like that. But again, it's all about knowing the rules of the game since the beginning. If someone really believes in monogamy and just wants to be with one person at a time, then that needs to be respected, you can't just play with people like that

I reallllly like your approach to that. Thank you! I totally agree with you and, again, I don't want to say that cheating is a good thing or that staying monogamous is bad...not at all. I've been in a relationship for 13 years, we've had our ups and downs, we've managed. Independent from who cheated, we started to look on us not as "victim" or "perpetrator", but as partners who were responsible for that situation.

[Alexanda]

15 hours ago, HairFullOfSecrets said:

This is stupid take tbh, people dont need to be in a relationship if they dont want to. It has nothing to do with growing up.

The fact that society pretty much forces everyone to be in monogamous relationships (like this post shows) is what leads to a lot of people cheating

No. I mean it is expected to be monogamous, in most cases they (the couple) don't speak about other possibilities, like an open relationship or their se.xualorientation, which would be the polite way to do things or at least start a conversation. 

What i want to say with that: No one can help them, when they are silent all the time. 

But you can't blame the other people for your desire, in most relationships cheating is a no no and many are happy with that. 

And no for me it's a goodbye, i guess. 

[aleomg]

I might burn at the stake for saying this, but over the years I have come to believe monogamy doesn’t exist. Monogamy is like a battery: the more time passes, the more it wears out.

For me the concept of cheating is developing feelings for someone else.

It takes a lot of maturity in relationships to face that reality and understand that getting physical with another person is just human nature. You don’t value your partner for š3xual reasons, you value them for the feelings you share and the lifetime you spent together.

Of course you won’t do anything to hurt the person you love, but those things are discussed before the beginning of the relationship.

[argentinian.in.telaviv]

What is consider cheating for you? ***ually, emotionally?

Also is a very delicate topic because for every person it feels different. 

I don't think there is a definition of cheating, I think relationship it's an universe on its own

I also don't think is natural that you should only have s** or feeling for one and only ONE person in the whole universe.

It's just not natural and it's a system made to fail, most likely created by conservative Catholicism or religions that would only give men the right to have many female partners.

 

 

 

 

[MX3]

k so I probably sound like a psychopath but...

I'm 31. I've been married for 6 years. I have never cheated since I've been married.

When I was younger though, I def did. I never told anyone (but yes, I did get found out a couple times). I was young, single and wanted to have fun. I felt like I didn't want to choose between certain people or having great s** with someone. And honestly - I have no regrets.

A part of me knew I was going to have the rest of my life with one man and I wanted to be young and carefree and have fun and do whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it. So I had great boyfriends (sometimes more than one at a time), great s** and great times with people. It was part of me figuring out what kind of guy I wanted in life and just having different experiences. 

I got cheated on too of course. It is what it is. TBH, my first love and first real relationship cheated on me (dated him from 15-20 and found out he had another long term girlfriend the whole time.) It broke me. And I think it scarred me and made me jaded and contributed to my callous view. But anyways.

I found a man who is very sweet, gentle and so not a player and settled down. He knows my past and knows that it came from being young, on the party scene and wanting to explore. I've settled down but have great memories from those few years (early 20's).

We live, we learn. 

 

[ObsessedBritFan1]

8 hours ago, Gioney said:

Read what I wrote. Be single so u can mingle.  U Will hurt nobody. And cheating  it's studied and considered a mental issue by psychology, not church. 

I do agree that it is a mental health issue. I would qualify it as antisocial behaviour ... I wouldn't say it is a disorder, but definitely on the spectrum somewhere. 

[ObsessedBritFan1]

7 hours ago, Princess Britney 007 said:

Sure, people reform. But do you think people more specifically your new significant other wont be skeptical about it? Trust is something that should never be broken and people take it seriously especially in a committed relationship. 

Good luck finding someone who will trust you again. I mean in general. 

That's the thing. If we all make mistakes, then is gaining full "trust" ever truly attainable (I'd dare say, realistic)? Certainly with time you'll know there are people that will always be there for you no matter or extremely loyal, however, that doesn't entirely happen without some hiccups in between. Of course, cheating is an extreme form of betrayal, but I'm questioning now whether its recoverable as I once believed was irreparable. 

Great insights nevertheless, it brings much clarity (with some confusion lol). 

[ObsessedBritFan1]

6 hours ago, MaxMillion said:

Sounds like something a person with PTSD aka craaaazzzyyy person would say ...

That's so mean. PTSD doesn't make you crazy.

[ObsessedBritFan1]

3 hours ago, argentinian.in.telaviv said:

What is consider cheating for you? ***ually, emotionally?

Also is a very delicate topic because for every person it feels different. 

I don't think there is a definition of cheating, I think relationship it's an universe on its own

I also don't think is natural that you should only have s** or feeling for one and only ONE person in the whole universe.

It's just not natural and it's a system made to fail, most likely created by conservative Catholicism or religions that would only give men the right to have many female partners.

 

 

 

 

I guess if you entertain any kind of connection beyond a friendship. 

[ObsessedBritFan1]

1 hour ago, MX3 said:

k so I probably sound like a psychopath but...

I'm 31. I've been married for 6 years. I have never cheated since I've been married.

When I was younger though, I def did. I never told anyone (but yes, I did get found out a couple times). I was young, single and wanted to have fun. I felt like I didn't want to choose between certain people or having great s** with someone. And honestly - I have no regrets.

A part of me knew I was going to have the rest of my life with one man and I wanted to be young and carefree and have fun and do whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it. So I had great boyfriends (sometimes more than one at a time), great s** and great times with people. It was part of me figuring out what kind of guy I wanted in life and just having different experiences. 

I got cheated on too of course. It is what it is. TBH, my first love and first real relationship cheated on me (dated him from 15-20 and found out he had another long term girlfriend the whole time.) It broke me. And I think it scarred me and made me jaded and contributed to my callous view. But anyways.

I found a man who is very sweet, gentle and so not a player and settled down. He knows my past and knows that it came from being young, on the party scene and wanting to explore. I've settled down but have great memories from those few years (early 20's).

We live, we learn. 

 

Thank you for your candid honesty. It sounds like there was hope after all. 

[RadicalOptimism]

6 hours ago, MaxMillion said:

Sounds like something a person with PTSD aka craaaazzzyyy person would say ...

This is a disgusting comment 

[aleomg]

10 hours ago, ObsessedBritFan1 said:

I've never been more confused in my life. So many extreme opinions, greatly appreciated.

You made a thread about a sensitive topic. 

And now things are getting a little out of control. 

[ObsessedBritFan1]

1 minute ago, aleomg said:

You made a thread about a sensitive topic. 

And now things are getting a little out of control. 

A little?

 

[aleomg]

1 minute ago, ObsessedBritFan1 said:

A little?

 

LMAO! 

I shouldn’t post this, but that pic gives me the same vibez. 

[Arianna]

8 hours ago, MaxMillion said:

Sounds like something a person with PTSD aka craaaazzzyyy person would say ...

Lol you sound very ignorant and uneducated therefore your opinion is laughable. My bad thinking you’d have someone to cheat on. 

[argentinian.in.telaviv]

4 hours ago, ObsessedBritFan1 said:

I guess if you entertain any kind of connection beyond a friendship. 

I don't understand your comment. I'm coming more from a place where there are so many people in the world, I don't see the problem of sharing romantic connections with different partners. I say problem because cheating has a negative connotation. 

But I will say that I believe in a relationship where two people put their own rules, any kind of rule. I consider that breaking those rules would imply cheating or disrespecting the 'vows'.

[ObsessedBritFan1]

51 minutes ago, argentinian.in.telaviv said:

I don't understand your comment. I'm coming more from a place where there are so many people in the world, I don't see the problem of sharing romantic connections with different partners. I say problem because cheating has a negative connotation. 

But I will say that I believe in a relationship where two people put their own rules, any kind of rule. I consider that breaking those rules would imply cheating or disrespecting the 'vows'.

My bad. I thought it was implied that if they are in a monogamous relationship. 

What you speak of wouldn't be cheating because those boundaries are in place. I'm just saying if two people decided to be exclusive with each other, but then one fumbles, is that connection completely or is it possible through inner work that the connection could be reparable? 

[argentinian.in.telaviv]

9 hours ago, ObsessedBritFan1 said:

My bad. I thought it was implied that if they are in a monogamous relationship. 

What you speak of wouldn't be cheating because those boundaries are in place. I'm just saying if two people decided to be exclusive with each other, but then one fumbles, is that connection completely or is it possible through inner work that the connection could be reparable? 

It depends, every relationship is a different universe, But if an agreement was broken then something is not working and it has to be decided if to keep going or not