I do feel. LGBT community has a stigmatization when it comes to what's off limits in ***. Especially for victims of ****** abuse. Or in my case child abuse

[Spicechinodiva]

First off. I was born 4 months early, wasn't expected to Live. When I first talked. Watching Santa say he is speaking a different language. I had no idea. But my four year old me knew what I was saying. 

 

First real English word came at 5. K MART POINTING THE STORE OUT. AT THAT TIME. STEP BELOW TARGET. BUT ABOVE WAL MART OKAY.

 

Due to constant ear aches. I had to have tubes in my ears. And my tonsils taking out due to them swollen. Near death bed experience due to penicillin and while other reactions are minor in the field of that family are more mild. Let's just say I'm scared to take antibiotics..

 

That's me in a nutshell. Also question straight men intentions when it comes to the gay community. Cos I sure was bullied and used just so they could get laid.

 

But I do have a fear of ***. It stems from my growing up.

 

I never questioned it at that time. Cos who would believe a kid at 8 who just learned how to talk.

 

Chicken pox. My stepfather now looking back at it. Handled it wrong. Covered in lotion. BUT NAKED. AND IT'S JUST ME AND HIM. AND THE FAMILY DOG BUD..

 

bud being a collie. He's trained to have a herd. Me and my brother was just that. Somehow every time this happened.  He immediately grabbed the blanket covered me. And an 80 pound dog. Jumps on a 52 poumd 4 year old who can't talk. Would just growl and not bite him. But definitely would come close and bite air.

 

Should have questioned this situation. 

 

What grown *** man takes a bath with two little kids naked in the same tub. Again seemed innocent but odd. 

 

Then. Came nights that are a blur..

 

Getting older. Find out through an agreement to not split me and my brother up. My birth mom and Him. I only share my brother through this relationship. But by laws out of my hands. We're not related.  I honestly don't want to connect with him. He's abused as well through being brain washed. It does happen and is scary.

So overtime through therapy. I realized I was a victim of very bad ****** abuse. Was taken advantage due to my medical setbacks.

 

I'm told I need to get it over it. We nevsr do. Especially victims of child ****** abuse are psychologically different than normal victims. We didn't really get to develop normal ****** behavior like most. We're more vulnerable and probably won't fight back. Cos of fears..

 

I have rules of dating and ***..

 

I really don't think I'm being evil or bi@#&y by just saying anything but penetration is okay..

 

But I get mocked and told. What's a top is good for without penetration..

 

I'm dumbfounded by the victim shaming and being called a prude.

 

I'm not a prude. Having *** with any ****** Assault victims have boundaries to protect me, you and most importantly no one gets hurt. 

[Illegally EATEN]

25 minutes ago, Spicechinodiva said:

First off. I was born 4 months early, wasn't expected to Live. When I first talked. Watching Santa say he is speaking a different language. I had no idea. But my four year old me knew what I was saying. 

 

First real English word came at 5. K MART POINTING THE STORE OUT. AT THAT TIME. STEP BELOW TARGET. BUT ABOVE WAL MART OKAY.

 

Due to constant ear aches. I had to have tubes in my ears. And my tonsils taking out due to them swollen. Near death bed experience due to penicillin and while other reactions are minor in the field of that family are more mild. Let's just say I'm scared to take antibiotics..

 

That's me in a nutshell. Also question straight men intentions when it comes to the gay community. Cos I sure was bullied and used just so they could get laid.

 

But I do have a fear of ***. It stems from my growing up.

 

I never questioned it at that time. Cos who would believe a kid at 8 who just learned how to talk.

 

Chicken pox. My stepfather now looking back at it. Handled it wrong. Covered in lotion. BUT NAKED. AND IT'S JUST ME AND HIM. AND THE FAMILY DOG BUD..

 

bud being a collie. He's trained to have a herd. Me and my brother was just that. Somehow every time this happened.  He immediately grabbed the blanket covered me. And an 80 pound dog. Jumps on a 52 poumd 4 year old who can't talk. Would just growl and not bite him. But definitely would come close and bite air.

 

Should have questioned this situation. 

 

What grown *** man takes a bath with two little kids naked in the same tub. Again seemed innocent but odd. 

 

Then. Came nights that are a blur..

 

Getting older. Find out through an agreement to not split me and my brother up. My birth mom and Him. I only share my brother through this relationship. But by laws out of my hands. We're not related.  I honestly don't want to connect with him. He's abused as well through being brain washed. It does happen and is scary.

So overtime through therapy. I realized I was a victim of very bad ****** abuse. Was taken advantage due to my medical setbacks.

 

I'm told I need to get it over it. We nevsr do. Especially victims of child ****** abuse are psychologically different than normal victims. We didn't really get to develop normal ****** behavior like most. We're more vulnerable and probably won't fight back. Cos of fears..

 

I have rules of dating and ***..

 

I really don't think I'm being evil or bi@#&y by just saying anything but penetration is okay..

 

But I get mocked and told. What's a top is good for without penetration..

 

I'm dumbfounded by the victim shaming and being called a prude.

 

I'm not a prude. Having *** with any ****** Assault victims have boundaries to protect me, you and most importantly no one gets hurt. 

So sorry to hear about this.

Moving past a trauma can be a lifetime project. It may never necessarily disappear altogether, and sometimes consistent effort needs to be made in order to move forward, but never ever give up hope! Hope is one of the main factors that can pull you out.

****** trauma from youth may have played a big part in shaping who you are today, Id imagine. The trick is discovering how best to take those past experiences and turn them into current day strength.

Some people find that bodybuilding for example causes them to feel more safe and in control of their bodies and lives.

Others may find it freeing to write or draw and express their traumas, while acknowledging that they are in the past, and thats where theyd best be left.

Have you never done full penetration aside from your past traumas? Is it something that even interests you?

Regardless, if you find that your traumas are negatively affecting your life today, and preventing you from living a fully fulfilled life, seeing a psychologist is never a bad idea.

Psychologists are experts at identifying destructive thought processes that prevent you from moving on, and they can help you find the tools and the strength within yourself to move past them and not let them affect you anymore. 

 

[Jordan Miller]

You're very brave for sharing your story. This is exactly what Exhale is for. We're here for you

[Urbanney]

For a community that just wants people outside of the community to be open-minded and accepting of them, I’ve found that the LGBTQ+ community can be very closed-minded and judgmental within the community sometimes. I’m sorry that you have had to experience this and that people are being so unempathetic. I’m also sorry that you’ve faced abuse. No one deserves that. 
 

Just know that if someone is worth being with, they will treat you with respect and compassion. Don’t settle for any less. Your desires and boundaries are just as important in a relationship/hookup/whatever as theirs are. 

[jordeezy river red]

On 4/13/2020 at 12:00 PM, Urbanney said:

For a community that just wants people outside of the community to be open-minded and accepting of them, I’ve found that the LGBTQ+ community can be very closed-minded and judgmental within the community sometimes. I’m sorry that you have had to experience this and that people are being so unempathetic. I’m also sorry that you’ve faced abuse. No one deserves that. 
 

 

It was not always like this - I feel that the community was infiltrated by other interests who use the gay community as a shield so that they can get away with their radical speech and beliefs.  It pisses me off.  I noticed the shift as gay marriage was legalized, more people used our struggle as their own so they could defy the rules by crying victim.  

[Livin4art]

OMG reading that broke my heart, I'm so sorry  .

I know people who wouldn't do **** and even some bi dudes that's fine . ******* doesn't have to be in an *** and each person And their preferences ..