Is my life shaped by Britney?

[ashholeessek]

First of all, this thread will be long, sorry about it, and I do not open this topic to blame my experiences on Britney. I've been taking therapy for 2 years now and I and my therapist draw a lot of similarities between my and Britney's experiences. After finding enough strength to talk about it now, I'd like to get the opinions of my fellow fans if Britney has an effect on my life or not.

So, I've been a fan of Britney since 2008, when I was 10, with the release of If U Seek Amy. I loved her music but her personality was the biggest thing I adored. I was trying to dance like her, I started to eat and drink her favorites, I was talking with vocal fry and that I was doing that lip thing when saying L's, etc. 

At that point, you know, it was past 2007 so I had the chance of seeing her 2007 period and to this day, it is my fav period because of her rebellious attitude. In my teenage years my biggest wish was to dye my hair pink, then shave it, doing slutty stuff, being a singer or a dancer, etc. 

Fast forward to similarities, I think they are visible in my university years. In my freshman and sophomore years, I was the cool and popular gay kid. I had multiple talents such as dancing, acting, singing and I had a nice aura that caused people to adore me. I was the sweet innocent **** kid, as was Primeney. However, in those days, I felt like an entertainer, not a friend. It seemed all so fake to me. I couldn't distinguish whether people around me geniunely love me or they just enjoy my friendship full of dramas. I had few people to talk to about my feelings but had lots of people to talk about my *** life, parties I attended to and my dramas with other people.

From time to time, I felt more and more insecure about myself. I developed body image issues and felt like I was nothing, literally nothing, if I do not continue to entertain people with my life. I started to drink more, smoke more, I had been in dangerous illegal positions, had lots of unprotected *** with unreliable people that people loved hearing about. I felt like I had to give them more. I am not saying this to make it similar to Gimme More but I literally felt like I had to give people more and more to make them keep loving me.

I was sicked tired of this and wanted to move away from all of this. At the end of my sophomore year, I made myself a boyfriend just to leave the school behind. He was just a basic guy. We spent 2 years living in the same house like a married couple. We had cats, furnished the house together and we even merged our bank accounts. But these did not change the fact that he was toxic and hella abusive. I was physically abused several times in addition to psychological abuse. But I kept staying with him because I did not want to return to my old life. At that point, I had no friends but him, our house, and our cats.

2 years after, I broke up with him after he nearly broke my arm. I am not making this thing to show you how similar this is but, I had pink hair on that day when he nearly broke my arm. I left the house and I shaved my hair. 2 days after the breakup, I was hospitalized after attempting suicide. I am still medicated daily. 
I have grown a lot during this process but it also made me so vulnerable to any human interaction. I have trust issues due to my old entertainer-ish life and my experiences with boys. 

So, I am still wondering if I and my therapist right about Britney's effect on my development during my teenage years. Is her 2007 image, my admiration for it affected how I behaved? I am quite sure that I did not want to be like Britney during those years. It was just a natural process, I was who I was and I behaved in an unconscious manner. 

Thank you if you read this far, I am wondering about your thoughts on my life experience. Thanks. 

[ElenaB]

Hey! First of all, you’re really brave for sharing your experience like you did with all of us  You’ve been through a lot and it seems like you’re fighting to leave all of that behind, you’re really strong! 

I definitely see how Britney influenced you. I think at the end of the day you’re your own person so you would have experienced similar things if u weren’t a stan, just maybe in a different way. The pink hair is a sign that you may use Britney as a way to release what you have inside, mirroring her experiences to yours to make it all have sense in a way, i don’t know if i’m explaining myself well. I lived a similar breakdown and figured this out with my therapist aswell. Hope you’re in a better place now, if you ever feel like talking to a random person about anything my DMs are open 

[Makemeooh]

Hello! I hope you are well, keep taking care of yourself and visit your therapist. Sometimes I believe that we try to identify with people when we are not sure of who we are, when we know we create borders between the self and the other. Anyway, also think that we literally saw Britney grow up and spend all phases of life on camera, so it's easy to identify with some moment.

We have inspirations and idols, but you are a unique individual, look inside yourself what makes you unique and love yourself. I didn't want to sound disrespectful, I just felt I should say that. 

[ashholeessek]

1 hour ago, ElenaB said:

Hey! First of all, you’re really brave for sharing your experience like you did with all of us  You’ve been through a lot and it seems like you’re fighting to leave all of that behind, you’re really strong! 

I definitely see how Britney influenced you. I think at the end of the day you’re your own person so you would have experienced similar things if u weren’t a stan, just maybe in a different way. The pink hair is a sign that you may use Britney as a way to release what you have inside, mirroring her experiences to yours to make it all have sense in a way, i don’t know if i’m explaining myself well. I lived a similar breakdown and figured this out with my therapist aswell. Hope you’re in a better place now, if you ever feel like talking to a random person about anything my DMs are open 

Hey, thanks a lot for your support, it warmed my heart (: Yeah your pink hair example makes sense to me now, I guess I mirrored her in some cases to release what I have inside or to make sense of them. 

Maybe its about having Britney by my side in those times as a friendly figure who has been through the same so that she could help me whenever i need it. I dont know, it feels both comforting and weird. 

[GlitterSlayDExhaleHI]

I don't want to be insensitive because it truly does suck what you're going through. I just find it a little... unusual that you are comparing scenarios in your life to Britney Spears music videos/songs. If that sounds like a holier-than-thou statement, it isn't intended to be. But I don't think many people nowadays can be brutally honest and I think maybe you need it here. It's a bit silly. Still, none of this sounds easy to deal with so I am sorry.

 

On the flip side I am one who says everyone has to go thru **** in their own way so who am I to comment.

[ashholeessek]

15 minutes ago, halfdressed said:

I don't want to be insensitive because it truly does suck what you're going through. I just find it a little... unusual that you are comparing scenarios in your life to Britney Spears music videos/songs. If that sounds like a holier-than-thou statement, it isn't intended to be. But I don't think many people nowadays can be brutally honest and I think maybe you need it here. It's a bit silly. Still, none of this sounds easy to deal with so I am sorry.

 

On the flip side I am one who says everyone has to go thru **** in their own way so who am I to comment.

No its ok, I also think its silly sometimes because I know its not solely based on Britney. But Im just trying to make sense of everything via going into my chilhood, so thats why I wanted to hear different voices on this platform whether my chilhood admiration has effects on me or not  

[One More Time]

Britney the person and Britney the media are two different things.

I am sorry for everything you have been through 

[PrinceAli89]

Wow! What a great read... First of all, thank you for opening up to us and sharing your personal experience and how it relates to Britney. It’s very fascinating and I can definitely relate to some degree. Second of all, your story is very inspiring and I see a lot of myself in you, and I’m so glad you were NOT successful in your suicide attempt and you are here with us today to share your story.
 

I think being a super Britney fan or a super fan of anyone really, it’s natural for us to mimic them or pick up something from that person. There’s a podcast I used to listen called “We Need To Talk About Britney” and on several of the episodes the host, Jen, stated that she feels we borrow Britney’s power for our everyday lives. Whether we are going through a breakup, new romance, friendship, work, etc. We borrow Britney’s power to help us achieve our goals. I think all of us have borrowed her power from time to time.  
 

Anyway, in regards to if Britney influenced your life, she absolutely did, and that’s not a bad thing. What makes you special is that you ARE a Britney fan. She’s your idol! Her music, image, personality, etc. all spoke to you at a time you needed it and guess what? She’s always going to be there for you! Celebrate her and more importantly YOU! Celebrate yourself today and everyday because Britney is very lucky to have a fan like you! 
 

Please feel free to DM me anytime, I love making new friends and you seem like a great person! 
 

I wanna dedicate a song to you today, from me to you, play it LOUD and play it all day! Not only is it a flawless bop, but it’s to celebrate YOU! 
 

 

[Slayer]

Thank you for sharing something so personal, that must have took a lot for you to do!

I'm sorry to hear about everything you've been through! I'm glad to hear though that you left your ex bf - you deserve SO much better. 

I'm happy Britney as a person and her music made/makes you happy - however, I think the negative things that happened are not as a result of admiring Britney. I think you were just unfortunate with the bad situations you were in.

But I hope with Britney's story you can see there is light at the end of the tunnel and you can go through absolute hell and be happier.

I hope Britney's music continues to bring you joy in tough times.

I just want to add it's amazing you're getting therapy and talking about your problems.

Stay strong and keep doing what you're doing, I hope you're doing a lot better now 

If you ever feel down, feel free to message me or post here - you can see already how many people are here for you if you ever need to talk!