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[BlurredLover]

thanks everyone 

[Markoct]

Well the question is... what is it that YOU want?

[pieceofphil]

I would suggest you two take a really long talk and beforehand give each other questions about where you see each other now and we're you could see each other in a few years.

Also I guess it's best you set boundaries or open the relationship together and make sure there's no hiding and lying anymore. That's the worst from my standpoint.

It's not you that should feel stripped of your confidence, it's your partner that had to question himself as to why it happened and it happened more than once. And you have to ask yourself if there's something you can do for yourself to boost your confidence without other guys involved.

[517113]

@BlurredLoverTo be fair you CANNOT be held accountable for having an autoimmune disorder...that's the other person's loss for being so superficial. However, there is likely more to you to offer than your looks. You simply have to get to know yourself. Practice telling jokes, teach yourself to be a good listener, and so forth. Baby steps, my friend...this is an opportunity for you to learn, grow, and mature as an individual. In a quirky way, I feel proud of you.

[Willson Saints]

22 minutes ago, Markoct said:

Well the question is... what is it that YOU want?

This is very unempathic. 

[Markoct]

Just now, Willson Saints said:

This is very unempathic. 

Mmm no its not. Perhaps you are for having this take. Now shoo from taking away from ops concern.

[ObsessedBritFan1]

I think the real question is, do you love yourself? I'd say take this opportunity to evaluate what you value in life and see if your life aligns with your values. If it doesn't, I’d start by taking proactive steps towards engendering a life that reflects who you really want to be and the kind of people you want that mirror this as well. It sounds like your partner has your support, so I would say focus on yourself, maybe seek a counsellor to work on building your self-worth, before you worry too much about your relationship. A relationship is an extension of yourself and enhances it rather than the thing that defines your happiness and sole purpose in life. Take this opportunity to reinvent yourself because as you have probably learned by now, as you get older and all those superficialities not longer sustains you, you are going to be forced to delve inward to find something substantial that will help maintain a sense of satisfaction and contentment with one self in the long run. Hopefully you’ll discover that you finally come into your own, love the person you see, that your partner loves the person you’ve come to love. If not, all that matters is that you do anyway and hopefully you’ll find the right partner to you. The point is, at that point, it might not bother you so much as it does now. I wouldn’t let someone or something  define you. Allow yourself to define YOU and find the people that love you for being proud of the person you’ve become. 

[the_blackout]

I think you should take a step back and have an honest conversation with "yourself". I firmly believe that once a cheater always a cheater and this applies to you both.

10 years is a long time, so I won't tell you to turn the page and leave him behind, but what you can do is try to remember what you guys meant to each other at the very beginning, and try (you both) to remember when your souls touched, forget about the looks and do a introspection, are you a better person when he's around? Does he push you to be your best self? If yes, keep him and find a compromise (open relationship maybe?)

But above anything else, DON'T YOU DARE LOVE SOMEONE MORE THAN YOU LOVE YOURSELF. ANYONE.

Fooling around with a mutual friend and doing it for sometime while you're clueless is enough reason for you to be selfish and do what's best for YOU from now on.

And one last thing dear, time heals everything and at the end of the day ... you only find yourself to rely on.

Chin up, no one is irreplaceable and rock that vitiligo babe.

Best wishes. 

[fays1]

Seems like hes extremely shallow and is with you for the wrong reasons. He said hes with you because of your looks, and cheated on you because of your looks changing! He also kept you as a friend which shows how he doesnt have strong feelings for you? I dont know much about the situation to give you advice though..

But vitiligo doesnt turn people ugly, and you look really good, so I dont think your looks will ever be an issue. You have alot more to offer than your looks, people who care alot about your looks will get you a guy like him. Learn more about your good qualities and what you have to offer, and work on it to find someone that actually loves you. The more you love and learn about yourself (not in a supercifial delusional way), you will choose a better partner.

[DontNeedAReasonWhy]

Don’t tolerate that for one second 

1 

 

and 2 this is why I refuse to get married y’all give it a bad name  

mom just giving my opinion but if the two of you wanted to stay together I guess do that with the risk it could happen again Guided by faith and without fear 

[BrittonJeanSpears]

You messed up. Once. While drunk.

He repeatedly cheated on you. With a friend. Presumably while sober. And that two-faced "friend" kept being in your life after he broke it off with them.

He has no respect for you. And there's no certainly no trust. You've been together for ten years, and his reason for the affair was strictly physical. Doesn't sound like he loves you, it sounds like he's using you. There are so many red flags. You really should leave him.

And I did my research, thank you for having your Instagram in your bio. (Followed, by the way. Give a sis a follow back.  )

For someone who's criticizing you for your appearance, I would've expected an Adonis, not a goth bear. From the posts you made 26 weeks ago, the dude looks like he's let himself go, if he was ever there to begin with. Meanwhile you're stunning and look like a 90's boy band member. A punk rock boy band.  Sounds like he's insecure AF about his appearance and is projecting his bull onto you.

Though this is all from the very limited info I have to work with. But it sounds like you deserve so much better. In any case, Exhale is here for you sis.

But again, LEAVE HIM. He doesn't deserve you. As for that friend? BEAT. HIM. UP. Preferably with a bat or a crowbar. I hate "friends" like that.

[LeglessJamie]

1. Nobody has just 1 thing to offer. You always have more assets. So even if you feel like your looks were the only asset, they are not so please don't even think that.

2. My ex boyfriend broke up with me when we were both 24 as he never experienced dating. I was his first. Since you two were together at such youg age, it was most likely to end some time. Statistics actually have proved that being together at young age, hardly have chance for an ever after and most are most likely to break up. After all, how many people do you know that are together since 20/21 years old? Not saying it doesn't happen but the chances are rather small for most.

3. The fact your lover cheated on you and only told you so after you immediately confessed, should be a HUGE red flag. He kept it a secret for 1 year. I don't want to sound hard but... DUMP THAT STUFF! That's really effed up from him. He clearly doesn't care enough about ypu to be truthful to you.

4. The fact you have to ask for advice tells me you already know deep inside it's done. If you really WANT to continue, you wouldn't be asking anyone. You just know. So I personally believe there is something inside you that already broke up.

[Willson Saints]

On 9/7/2022 at 6:38 AM, Markoct said:

Mmm no its not. Perhaps you are for having this take. Now shoo from taking away from ops concern.

Yes, it is. I repeat, it is. 

I know what you ate doing. You are gaslighting. I won't engage. Shoo is what tiny people get from me.

So, shoo.

[RadicalOptimism]

While I empathize because that is a long time to be with someone for it not to work out, I can’t help but say you are both better off parting ways. I can’t fathom sleeping with another person when you’re in a monogamous relationship. My man and I have always told each other that if we are no longer happy we will be upfront and walk out the door before any of us sleeps with someone else. Not trying to shame because the deed is done, but you said you didn’t want to go to friends or family that will sugarcoat the hard truth. 
 

You made a mistake once and felt tremendous guilt that you were upfront with him and for that I commend you. The fact that he was only upfront with you because you confessed to what you did makes me wonder what else he was keeping from you. It’s tough not to mourn that loss and while he is very much alive it’s like mourning his death and I sympathize so much on that aspect. Take time to heal and seek therapy to deal with this trauma to hopefully begin a new life with someone else soon