opinion Celebrating the Gay Culture the Wrong Way and How It Damages Us Both Mentally and Physically

[BUWYGF]

Hey all.

Firstly, let me tell you why I decided to write a post about this. Professionally, I am a content writer, and I adore writing some good quality content but usually for work. However, every now and then, things happen in my life that shake me up to the core and force me to think - to think about life, about how one's life is supposed to look like, and how we take this gift we were given for granted because the society overwhelms us by making us focus on completely irrelevant things that pass quicker than a flash. So here's my story, and here's why it made me realize that gay culture (in my personal opinion), in its current state, is extremely damaging for most of the gays, and why we need to wake up because we don't even realize why it is we're often feeling so sad, incomplete, and alone.

The Intruder in My Body

By the end of November and the beginning of December, I started to feel quite nauseous. I completely lost my apetite and even the thought of food made me feel like I'm gonna puke. I thought it was depression or anxiety, even though I never quite felt like this before in my life, I thought that maybe everything we've been going through with the epidemic is finally getting to me. I thought if I started reading some good quality books to help me elevate myself, I could fight anxiety or depression, or whatever it was that was making me feel this way. But it didn't stop at all; days passed and I started to lose the will to live at all. I hated getting up early for work, I hated working out (although I would feel better afterwards), I hated doing most things that made me, ME. 

So I decided to go back home for a while (home office due to the COVID-19 epidemic) hoping being with my family and being in our country house every now and then would help me. And although it did help me feel better mentally, I was still sick to my stomach. Two days after coming back, my mother noticed my eyeballs were getting yellow-ish, and the following day I turned completely yellow. Doctor diagnosed me with jaundice, but they had to discover what was causing it. After examining my gallbladder and liver, they realized the probem wasn't there, which nearly automatically meant I had some sort of hepatitis; and my blood test showed it was Hepatitis B.

The Consequences of My Acts

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm no drama queen and Hepatitis B certainly isn't something one could die from. Overall, your body eliminates the virus after 3 months and you develop life-long antibodies, which is great. So obviously, it wasn't this that so mentally ****ed me up, it was the fact that someone whom I've slept with 2-3 months prior to me getting symptoms decided to sleep with me knowing very well I will get the virus. This person didn't care about me one bit. Naturally, Hepatitis B is in most case transmitted ***ually, especially in gay men - so doctors urgently had to test me for HIV too, just in case. Even though I ALWAYS use protection (*****s) when I sleep with other men, I was horrified that I might have HIV as well. After all, the chances were there. Again, I'm not being a drama queen, I know very well that people with HIV live happy, healthy, and long lives nowadays. Still, I was shocked that someone could actually be ready to transmit such a serious virus to a person, and so I kept thinking about my life, about everything right or wrong that I did. About all the silly, IRRELEVANT, things I spent both time and money on. Luckily, after double testing, I was HIV negative and I was jumping through the roof!

But here's what I realized while waiting nearly 48 hours for double tests to show whether I will be obliged to drink anti-HIV medicine my whole life or if I will be able to continue with my life unscathed and one experience wealthier. 

The Horrible Realization

I spent last 2-3 years being convinced that the better I looked, the better I will feel. I was convinced that no handsome guy would even look at me if I'm not muscular, successful, and handsome. So I worked hard at the gym, and  I got the gym body I so badly wanted. I worked very hard too and I got that amazing salary and position, and I got many gay men to notice me. I shopped for all kinds of amazing, expensive clothes so I could look flawless and trendy at all times. So I had a lot of *** (always protected) with a lot of different, very hot guys - and I thought I was happy. I thought to myself "this is it, I'm living the gay dream, this is what I wanted the whole time as an overweight, loser teenager." And although I do firmly believe this is my fault, it's equally the fault of our culture. Our culture has become so toxic that it convinces us if we don't look like models, we are worthless. We can't get a proper *** partner that we find hot, we can't have a relationship with a guy we like if we're not up to his already insanely high standards, etc. I thought that I was doing exactly what our LGBTQI+ elders fought and died for, and me having *** without people telling me I can't and without any risk of being prosecuted for it meant celebrating my rights as a free gay man. 

But I was wrong...very wrong. I was so tunnelvisioned into what doesn't even matter. Yes I have a great gym body I invested hundreds of euros and so much time in, but for what? So I could turn heads and feel better? So I could sleep with anyone I found attractive? Not for myself? Not so I would feel good and healthy? I am successful so others could say I'm successful, so they could envy me and find me more desirable in every way. 

I am writing this because I want you to realize something that I realized only once I was afraid for my life - you are the owner of your mind and body, nobody else. Celebrating our rights by having meaningless *** is putting a stain on everything our elders fought for. Yet I see SO MANY gays doing just that, over and over again. It's easy to be alone while being young, it's easy being hot and desirable in your 20s, 30s, and even 40s. It's easy earning a lot when your whole life revolves around you and your needs only. But what happens after that? What happens once we're not at the height of our youth? Once our bodies stop being head-turners? 

Here's what I've Learned

I am not telling you to run for it and let yourself go or just desperately try to find a man so you don't end up alone. I am telling you to focus your life on what truly matters. If you want to be good-looking, do it for yourself. If you want to be successful, do it because it makes YOU feel happy and safe. And most importantly, always strive to make others around you feel happy and loved. Love is what makes this world go round. One cannot find happiness untill one offers it to those around them first. 

So respect others, love them, help them whenever you can, make sure your family, friends, and partner know exactly how special they are to you. Focus your attention on what truly matters and makes you happy because this life is so short and valuable, and you're not getting any re-runs. Your happiness is your own, and it does not depend on anyone else! 

The Second Shot at Life

The 48 hours passed, and as my doctor approached my hospital bed to give me the news, I thought to myself "ok, you screwed up, but let's make it worth with what time we have left." "Congratulations Felix, you're HIV negative and your Hepatitis B infection is accute, you should be fine in 2-3 months." 

As a huge, deep sigh, left my chest through my mouth, I nearly fainted - "I got a second chance at life," I thought to myself. 

I am at home-rest now, and I promised to myself that I will spend my life making myself and those dear to me happy. I will celebrate my gay rights by never hiding who I am and by finding (some day) a man who I will love, regardless if it is in public in front of everyone or in the privacy of our own home. I promised that whatever I do, it will be for the benefit of my health and happiness. And I beg of you to do the same. Don't ever get into a situation where you will regret wasting the amazing gift you were given.

 

Love you all, and I hope you stay safe

[Urbanney]

Lovely, thought-provoking post. I'm glad to hear you're okay, in recovery, and that you haven't been going through anything worse. 

I do think the gay male community can be very toxic, shallow, and demeaning at times, and I've heard it from so many other gay guys too. I think the hyper-***uality originates from our history of only being able to connect in shady public places ***ually while not being able to have loving relationships with other men openly due to homophobia, possibility of losing jobs, social standing, etc., as well as guys just seem a lot more open ***ually. There's also the fact that we can't really pursue normal romantic relationships as easily in everyday situations because we can't ask out guys without worrying about being hatecrimed unless we go to designated clubs or bars, which is generally better suited for hookups and than relationships.  Then, we can go on apps, but it can feel pretty unnatural meeting someone through text/virtually rather than in person. Not to mention, apps can be pretty unhealthy for how easily people can be "discarded," how looks are compared (shallowness), people only going on for attention, etc. 

I think you brought up great points of how important it is for us to care, love, and respect our own selves and bodies first, as well as the others you're meeting along the way. Like you mentioned, it seems a lot of gay guys struggle with being insecure and try to feel loved, attractive, and fulfilled through hookups. It makes sense that so many gay guys feel insecure given that we have a history of being a suppressed minority who has less security in all aspects of life and for whom its much more difficult to pursue relationships in the ways that straights would.

Again, great post, and I hope you recover fully soon!

[RadicalOptimism]

Beautifully put and wishing you a speedy recovery 

[ObsessedBritFan1]

Absolutely. I think when you stop wasting time on superficial things, you allow yourself the opportunity to discover and invite meaningful things to come into your life. I'm not saying it is a guarantee. You could die and never find anyone that truly loves you, for example, for you and not what you can offer in body or monetarily. At least your giving yourself that shot or hope because otherwise, there's no hope to be found in fleeting relationships or the attention you can get. It's all temporary. However, the kind of love you build for yourself, that's ultimately real. Even if you have yourself at the end of the day, far more gratifying and reassuring than the kind of falsehood other people may have toward you. In my experience, if you find 2-3 really awesome close friends, can be self-reliant and secure to a degree, that's the realest you might ever get to in this lifetime. And a very select lucky few   get to experience a kind of love that's made for a lifetime — and if you're a conscious being, it's one you hope for, but never expect and wish others well for, for those that do. The world is dark enough that we should root for those that have made it in this life. At least, that's just my philosophy. 

[Iiquoricebabe]

Beautiful article. I’m happy that you are going to be okay and even happier that you arrived to this realization.

I agree with you, our culture has become so toxic and specially young people tend eat it up easily. We have confounded our right to be free and to be treated with dignity, with licentiousness and shallowness. We have completely lost the point of the fight. 

I was once like that, too. However, time and experience showed me what’s truly important in life, as well as how unimportant all the superficial things that used to be my priorities are.

Welcome to the other side buddy ❤️

[thebritmaster]

Here comes the tough love. The problem is yourself, you don’t have to blame all gay people or “gay culture” for your actions 

You’re actually stereotyping a lot of people. Gay people come from all walks of life. You could get married and be a soccer dad instead of living a shallow existence   

[BUWYGF]

10 minutes ago, thebritmaster said:

Here comes the tough love. The problem is yourself, you don’t have to blame all gay people or “gay culture” for your actions 

You’re actually stereotyping a lot of people. Gay people come from all walks of life. You could get married and be a soccer dad instead of living a shallow existence   

You're absolutely right, that was the point of everything I wrote. I didn't write this article to complain, I wrote it so to let all those who behave like I behaved and believed up until recently know that there is more to this life  I appreciate your input though  

[BUWYGF]

1 hour ago, Urbanney said:

Lovely, thought-provoking post. I'm glad to hear you're okay, in recovery, and that you haven't been going through anything worse. 

I do think the gay male community can be very toxic, shallow, and demeaning at times, and I've heard it from so many other gay guys too. I think the hyper-***uality originates from our history of only being able to connect in shady public places ***ually while not being able to have loving relationships with other men openly due to homophobia, possibility of losing jobs, social standing, etc., as well as guys just seem a lot more open ***ually. There's also the fact that we can't really pursue normal romantic relationships as easily in everyday situations because we can't ask out guys without worrying about being hatecrimed unless we go to designated clubs or bars, which is generally better suited for hookups and than relationships.  Then, we can go on apps, but it can feel pretty unnatural meeting someone through text/virtually rather than in person. Not to mention, apps can be pretty unhealthy for how easily people can be "discarded," how looks are compared (shallowness), people only going on for attention, etc. 

I think you brought up great points of how important it is for us to care, love, and respect our own selves and bodies first, as well as the others you're meeting along the way. Like you mentioned, it seems a lot of gay guys struggle with being insecure and try to feel loved, attractive, and fulfilled through hookups. It makes sense that so many gay guys feel insecure given that we have a history of being a suppressed minority who has less security in all aspects of life and for whom its much more difficult to pursue relationships in the ways that straights would.

Again, great post, and I hope you recover fully soon!

I completely agree with you tbh. We've been marginalized and rejected for so long it shaped our culture in all the wrong ways  I do believe, though, that now is the time for us to grow and mature as a community. It is time to shape something new in a world where we're not considered a human plague anymore  

[BUWYGF]

1 hour ago, CrazyButItFeelsAllright said:

Beautifully put and wishing you a speedy recovery 

thank you so much baby  Glad you enjoyed the read

[BUWYGF]

37 minutes ago, ToySoldier12 said:

Beautiful article. I’m happy that you are going to be okay and even happier that you arrived to this realization.

I agree with you, our culture has become so toxic and specially young people tend eat it up easily. We have confounded our right to be free and to be treated with dignity, with licentiousness and shallowness. We have completely lost the point of the fight. 

I was once like that, too. However, time and experience showed me what’s truly important in life, as well as how unimportant all the superficial things that used to be my priorities are.

Welcome to the other side buddy ❤️

oh wow, thank you so much  Naturally, I dont mind nor do I judge people who have *** whenevr they want with whomever they want. But for those who still find themselves unfullfilled and lonely, in spite of having so much *** with people, they can read this article and hopefully it will help them shift their focus to other things that will help them strive  

[BUWYGF]

1 hour ago, ObsessedBritFan1 said:

Absolutely. I think when you stop wasting time on superficial things, you allow yourself the opportunity to discover and invite meaningful things to come into your life. I'm not saying it is a guarantee. You could die and never find anyone that truly loves you, for example, for you and not what you can offer in body or monetarily. At least your giving yourself that shot or hope because otherwise, there's no hope to be found in fleeting relationships or the attention you can get. It's all temporary. However, the kind of love you build for yourself, that's ultimately real. Even if you have yourself at the end of the day, far more gratifying and reassuring than the kind of falsehood other people may have toward you. In my experience, if you find 2-3 really awesome close friends, can be self-reliant and secure to a degree, that's the realest you might ever get to in this lifetime. And a very select lucky few   get to experience a kind of love that's made for a lifetime — and if you're a conscious being, it's one you hope for, but never expect and wish others well for, for those that do. The world is dark enough that we should root for those that have made it in this life. At least, that's just my philosophy. 

Everything you said is very true. There are absolutely no guarantees whatsoever in this life, but there is hope and determination, and it's up to us to try  very well put! 

[jordeezy river red]

Oh no...you made me cry.  Sending love to you, handsome.