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What Are Your Insecurities?

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4 hours ago, Roxxy said:

I have a lot of insecurities. :bigtime:

I AM LIVING FOR ALL THESE LONG-AZZ LIFE STORIES!!! :omgreallyney: Gosh, I'm such an inexperienced little baby compared to y'all. The craziest things I've done are sleeping with a 35 year old guy (16 year difference at the time) and doing some spice / K2 / synthetic ********* back in like 6th or 7th grade (not a good idea; fun but super dangerous). :jtum: I literally have nothing to complain about. My life's been so good. My parents are well off. I've never had to work for anything in my life. I have a bright head and I can get straight As with little to no effort. I was always loved by teachers. I've always had friends. I've practically never been bullied. Plus, I have this tendency to overthink and worry about everything, but not once has something not worked out for me in the end. Yet here I am complaining. :embarrassney:

I totally get you when it comes to daddy issues. Like... I can't say I have full-blown ones, but something is definitely there, except it stems from something completely different. :ehum: My father developed midlife schizophrenia and alcoholism (which is tragic because he was such an amazing guy, really successful too), so my parents got divorced when I was like 3 or 4. I can't say it traumatized me or anything (I barely remember anything), but it definitly left at least some kind of angst inside of me. For the longest time I told myself that I didn't care, but recently I've finally accepted that there's something missing. Like... I haven't seen my father face to face in over 12 years. I have pictures, but I have no recollection of what his voice sounds like. That's a very empty feeling. I feel like I've been robbed of something, so I've made a promise to myself to go see him this summer (he might not remember me, though). Apparently he's not doing very well, and I don't want to wake up before it's too late. :( As for my stepfather. He's great. I couldn't have asked for a better one. However, I can't say that our relationship is perfect. I have this slight, weird, unreasonable resentment towards him, but I never express it because it'd be totally unfair to him. Those are my issues and my issues only. It's literally not even his fault. He's a very masculine guy, and I've always had a weird relationship with masculinity. It's probably my biggest insecurity too. Like... I'm not even particularly feminine, tbh. I'm very 'normal' in that regard. But even then I've never felt masculine enough. I have this really big inferiority complex, which is why I would never approach a masculine guy that was my age. I'd just feel 'less than' if that makes any sense. :tiffhair: However, when it comes to being intimate with older guys, I'd be totally fine with that power dynamic. Even more so, I'd actually want it to be there. I mean, what else do you call that other than daddy issues? I always told myself that I wouldn't become that stereotypical white twink who sleeps with older guys (not that there's anything wrong with that), but it might just be true (only time will tell). :howiroll: It's not like I wouldn't date guys my age. They'd just have to be very 'regular'. As I said, not too masculine. :donewithit: My issues with masculinity are so extensive that I can't even tolerate handshakes. Like... If I'm forced to do them, I will, but otherwise I'd much rather not. It's so weird. I genuinely can't explain it. It's not like a handshake is inherently masculine, but here I am. :idkney: So yeah, that's where mine stem from. Issues with masculinity. There's a lot of comfort to be found in older men. :gum:

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redacted statement Master

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3 hours ago, helloitsme said:

Literally myyy face! The acne scarrage of it all is bleaaak. And i have big mole on my cheek. I need to get over it. There are people that are dying, kim. 

Very relatable. :embarrassney: I dealt with really bad acne for like 4 years. It wasn't cystic or anything, but it was definitely really bad and far from your typical teenage acne. :sipney: I've been on accutane for 7 months now. I'm taking my last pill next Friday, which is quite honestly terrifying. Taking accutane and waking up every day knowing that there won't be any new pimples is so comforting. :donewithit: Apparently, the chance of a post-accutane acne relapse happening is higher in men, which makes me feel very uncertain and scared. :gum: As for the scars, they have been healing surprisingly well (compared to how bad my acne was at least), but it's taking a long *** time. Thought it would happen faster, but there's still a long way to go. :brityes:

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redacted statement Master

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Here's some more apart from my issues with masculinity and acne that I expressed in my replies above:

1. To expand on the acne subject, I've literally been avoiding cameras like the plague for the last 4 years of my life. Only recently I've become more comfortable because my scars are starting to fade. If I HAD to be in a photo, I would never ever look at the final product. I'd just get it over with ASAP and then pretend like it never happened. :donewithit: Also, at one point it was so bad that I wouldn't eat anything that could be considered unhealthy in public. Why? Because I didn't want to give people any ammo to judge me. "Oh, look at him and his bag of chips! And then he wonders why he has acne." Like... How does that make any sense? :omgreallyney:

2. I just hate how I look in photos in general. Like... I like what I see in the mirror. I'd smash myself. :inbed: BUT... There's a big BUT... I look awful in photos. I have a very expressive face that can pull 10 different grimaces in a matter of milliseconds. And let me tell you - cameras are not kind to faces like that. Cameras catch every little frame that the human eye simply cannot. At least, that's how I try to rationalize the huge disconnect between what I see in the mirror and what I see in photos. :jtum:

3. I've had people straight up tell me that I'm weird. Like, good friends. To my face. And while I've sort of embraced that side of me, at the same time it's also an insecurity of mine. That's one of the reasons why I chickened out on online dating. I just felt like I'd weird people out. :embarrassney: And then my brain inflates this even more and makes me question other things such as "what are his friends going to think about me / are they going to like me / etc." :idkney:

4. Gaming has destroyed my posture. I try my best to keep my back and neck straight, but it's hard, and I feel like I look really awkward because of that. :gum:

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jordeezy river red Master

jordeezy river red

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Hmm... My insecurity is weird.  Like I have always had an image in my head of myself but it doesn't look like the person I see in pictures.  Like, I have always felt like an old person but when I see myself in pictures I am not nearly as old looking as I feel.  It's weird.  I think it stems from unresolved trauma from feeling rejected growing up. 

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Born2Die Master

Born2Die

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For me, Exhale has never been too deep or serious, BUT this topic is. I was apprehensive to share my insecurities because this is my place to laugh, troll and share with a community that takes me away from my hardships. I love who I am as a person: my loyalty, my intellect, my job, my humor, my spirituality, but I hate my appearance as of late.

My Grandma who was like a second mother to me passed away super fast from cancer. I couldn't process her passing so I numbed it with food and alcohol. I gained so much weight and as of January my 'fat" clothes are tight on me. (Before Corona) I hated leaving the house. I was super fit and that b!+*h that walked in a club and it would be all eyes on meh. Now I know i'm not that same person. It's embarrassing and shameful. I know what I need to do to get back to my old self, but I hold on to guilt of not being there for my Grandma enough. And I punish myself by treating my body bad.  

So my insecurity is my body and my health. 

Please don't reply to this. I'm glad I feel okay to share this but I want what I said to end with this one and only response. Thanks! ;)

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Roxxy Master

Roxxy

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40 minutes ago, iAlwaysSingLive said:

Gosh, I'm such an inexperienced little baby compared to y'all. The craziest things I've done are sleeping with a 35 year old guy (16 year difference at the time) and doing some spice / K2 / synthetic ********* back in like 6th or 7th grade (not a good idea; fun but super dangerous). 

The way that you opened your story by saying you're an inexperienced little baby and then you drop a bomb like sleeping with someone 16 yrs older and doing ***** as a kid (are those *****? cause I dunno). Like, what kind of deception and false advertising is this. :schoolingtime:

45 minutes ago, iAlwaysSingLive said:

I literally have nothing to complain about. My life's been so good. My parents are well off. I've never had to work for anything in my life. I have a bright head and I can get straight As with little to no effort. I was always loved by teachers. I've always had friends. 

I identify with this so much. I wish we could talk about privilege in this forum without actually sounding privileged. It makes me uncomfortable to see posts about being privileged and people who hate on the privileged. :icant2: So I just try to be lowkey about it. 

55 minutes ago, iAlwaysSingLive said:

Apparently he's not doing very well, and I don't want to wake up before it's too late. 

Please do. I wish I had more time with my Dad. I don't remember much cause he died when I was 5. But I just know in my heart that I have fond memories (that i dont recall) of him and that he is literally the best. So please see him.

58 minutes ago, iAlwaysSingLive said:

As for my stepfather. He's great. I couldn't have asked for a better one. However, I can't say that our relationship is perfect. I have this slight, weird, unreasonable resentment towards him,

I had a stepdad too. My mom married 6 years after my dad died. I was an only child until 2008. They had a daughter so now there's 2 of us now. My stepdad was ok-ish. But I don't like him. I don't want to talk about it. And he's dead. He died 7 years ago. :bedtime:

1 hour ago, iAlwaysSingLive said:

There's a lot of comfort to be found in older men.

CHILE PREACH. They just know how to take care of you. Like, I've dated older guys. Tried. But never something serious. Like, if i hang out with a guy my age like we're just gonna play PS4 all day and i'm like deep inside "when are you bringing out the gummy bears i'm starving here." :weirdmeout: I never have to think of anything else when I'm with an older guy. And lemme tell you, they are never late to anything. If they say he'll pick me up at 8:45, he'll be there at 8:00. :donewithit:

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Roxxy Master

Roxxy

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1 hour ago, KylieLanguage said:

Oh yeah.....I'm gonna be 21 and am still a virgin. Not even a first kiss yet....God aren't I just slaying life :barbie:

Omggg. Girlllll. You better start h0eing it up. :omgreallyney: I had my first kiss technically 7th grade. But i consider sophomore in high school was my first.:mhm:

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Theo04t Mentor

Theo04t

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To be honest the size of my d, like when guys see it they are like, is ok, but girls are so intense with sizes, is like, if the d isn't a whole meter long is not long enough or something idk that is what makes me insecure

And also, my body, like I don't understand how I have parts of my body that are full with fat and literally the next part to it there isn't anything and you can see a little bit the shape of my bones, like that doesn't make anysense, my fat is not in the right place tbh (is not in the butt)

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