Britney: "The conservatorship was created supposedly because I was incapable of doing anything at all—feeding myself, spending my own money, being a mother... So why was it that a few weeks later, they had me shoot an episode of HIMYM?"

[Lola2790]

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Ch.31

The conservatorship was created supposedly because I was incapable of doing anything at all—feeding myself, spending my own money, being a mother, anything. So why was it that a few weeks later, they had me shoot an episode of How I Met Your Mother and then sent me on a grueling world tour?

I remained shocked that the state of California would let a man like my father —an alcoholic, someone who’d declared bankruptcy, who’d failed in business, who’d terrified me as a little girl—control me after all my accomplishments and everything I had done.

How fun! I thought. I can go back to working again like nothing at all happened! Too sick to choose my own boyfriend and yet somehow healthy enough to appear on sitcoms and morning shows, and to perform for thousands of people in a different part of the world every week!

From that point on, I began to think that he saw me as put on the earth for no other reason than to help their cash flow.

At my house, my father took over my little study and my bar area and turned it into his office. There was a bowl there that had a bunch of receipts in it. Yes, here’s my confession: I was so nerdy that I kept all my receipts in a bowl. Each week, I would add up my expenses old-school style to keep track of my deductions for taxes.

Even when I was going through a wild spell, the fundamentals of who I was as a person were still there. To me, that bowl of receipts was proof that I was still capable of managing my affairs. I knew musicians who did ******, got in fistfights, and threw TVs out of hotel windows.

Not only didn’t I steal anything or hurt anyone or do hard dr**s—I was keeping track of my tax deductions. Not anymore. My father shoved aside my bowl of receipts, setting up his things on the bar. “I just want to let you know,” he said, “I call the shots. You sit right there in that chair and I’ll tell you what goes on.” I looked at him with a growing sense of horror. “I’m Britney Spears now,” he said.

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Ch 32

Before a date, Robin would tell the man my medical and ***ual history. To be clear: this was before the first date. The whole thing was humiliating, and I know the insanity of this system kept me from finding basic companionship, having a fun night out, or making new friends—let alone falling in love. Thinking back on the way my father was raised by June and the way I was brought up by him, I had known from the jump that it would be an actual nightmare to have him in charge.

The thought of my father taking over any aspect of my life had filled me with fear.

But taking over everything? It was just the worst thing that could possibly ever happen to my music, my career, and my sanity.

At various times I pushed back, especially when my father took away access to my cell phone. I would be smuggled a private phone and try to break free. But they always caught me.

And here’s the sad, honest truth: after everything I had been through, I didn’t have a lot of fight left in me. I was tired, and I was scared, too. After being held down on a gurney, I knew they could restrain my body any time they wanted to. They could’ve tried to kill me, I thought. I started to wonder if they did want to kill me. So when my father said, “I call the shots,” I thought, This is too much for me. But I didn’t see a way out. So I felt my spirit retreat, and I went on autopilot. If I play along, surely they’ll see how good I am and they will let me go. And so I went along with it.

After I’d married Kevin and had my kids, Felicia was still there a little bit; I had always adored her, but once I stopped touring and started working less, we fell out of touch. There was some talk of Felicia’s coming back on board for the Circus Tour, but somehow I never did have her as my assistant again. I later learned that my dad told her I didn’t want her to work for me anymore. But I never said that. If I had known she wanted to do something for me, I never would have told her no. Without my knowledge, my father was keeping her from me. I never saw some of my really close friends ever again—still haven’t, to this day. It made me shut down psychologically even more than I had before. My parents had some old friends from home come visit me to make me feel better. “No, thanks,” I said. I mean, I loved them to death, but they had kids now, and they’d moved on with their lives. Their coming to see me felt more like sympathy than like a social call. Help is good, but not if it’s not asked for. Not if it doesn’t feel like it’s a choice.

In my old life I’d had freedom: the freedom to make my own decisions, to set my own agenda, to wake up and decide how I wanted to spend the day. Even the hard days were my hard days. Once I gave up the fight, in my new life, I would wake up each morning and ask one question: “What are we doing?” And then I would do what I was told. When I was alone at night, I would try to find inspiration in beautiful or transporting music, movies, books—anything to help blot out the horror of this arrangement. Just as I had when I was a little girl, I’d look for other worlds to escape into. It seemed like every request went through my father and Robin. They decided where I went and with who. Under Robin’s direction, security guards handed me prepackaged envelopes of meds and watched me take them.

They put parental controls on my iPhone. Everything was scrutinized and controlled. Everything. I would go to sleep early. And then I would wake up and do what they told me again. And again. And again. It was like Groundhog Day. I did that for thirteen years.

If you’re asking why I went along with it, there’s one very good reason. I did it for my kids. Because I played by the rules, I was reunited with my boys.

the question was nagging at me—if I was so sick that I couldn’t make my own decisions, why did they think it was fine for me to be out there smiling and waving and singing and dancing in a million time zones a week? I’ll tell you one good reason. The Circus Tour grossed more than $130 million. Lou Taylor’s company, Tri Star, got 5 percent. And I learned, after the conservatorship, that even when I was on hiatus in 2019 and money wasn’t coming in, my father paid them an extra minimum “flat fee,” so they were paid hundreds of thousands of dollars more. My father got a percentage, too, plus, throughout the conservatorship, about $16,000 a month, more than he’d ever made before. He profited heavily from the conservatorship, becoming a multimillionaire.

 My freedom in exchange for naps with my children—it was a trade I was willing to make. There is nothing I love more—nothing more important to me on this earth—than my children. I’d lay down my life for them. So, I thought, why not my freedom?

Quote

Ch 33

How do you cling to hope? I had resolved to go along with the conservatorship for the sake of my sons, but being in it was really hard. I knew there was something more inside me, but I felt it dimming every day. Over time, the fire inside me burned out. The light went out of my eyes. I know that my fans could see it, although they didn’t understand the full scope of what had happened, because I was so tightly controlled.

I have a lot of compassion for the woman I was before I was put into the conservatorship, when I was recording Blackout. Even though I was being described as so rebellious and such a wild girl, all my best work was accomplished during that time. All in all, though, it was a terrible time. I had my two little babies and there was always a fight around my trying to see them. I look back now and I think that if I’d been wise, I wouldn’t have done anything but focus on my life at home, as hard as it was. At the time Kevin would say, “Well, if you meet me this weekend, we’ll have a two-hour meeting and we’ll do this and that and I might let you see the boys a little bit more.” Everything was almost like a deal with the devil for me to get what I wanted.

 

[Lola2790]

I thought to create a thread of some of the important things Britney said in her book about the conservatorship. We should talk about the book more 

[princessmimi]

Man she really gave up her life and youth for her boys and this is how she gets treated??

If they think she's crazy, have they ever considered that their GRANDPA MADE her that way?

 

Anyone would lose their mind if they were under the control and restriction that she was especially for 13 years!

That's why I have so much empathy for her more than any celebrity.

 

[Lola2790]

2 minutes ago, princessmimi said:

Man she really gave up her life and youth for her boys and this is how she gets treated??

If they think she's crazy, have they ever considered that their GRANDPA MADE her that way?

 

Anyone would lose their mind if they were under the control and restriction that she was especially for 13 years!

That's why I have so much empathy for her more than any celebrity.

 

She is the epitome of strength 

The conservatorship killed her spirit and she admits to feeling that the light went out of her eyes...13 years of human trafficking...all for her boys.

[PrincessAkwa]

I hope she gets that spark back one day. She dances again, thats a good start.

[princessmimi]

37 minutes ago, Lola2790 said:

She is the epitome of strength 

The conservatorship killed her spirit and she admits to feeling that the light went out of her eyes...13 years of human trafficking...all for her boys.

Exactly!

 

People just dismiss her as crazy and she needs to be back in a conservatorship when she never needed one in the first place,

she just needed support and help from her family but instead they all leeched off of her.

Now her boys are the same way.

I bet it kills her that they don't speak to her especially since she gave up her freedom and youth for them 

 

[ronron]

Thank you so much for making this thread, i think its crazy how people forget so quickly what happened and start judging her just the same way that got her into the cship in the first place smh.
 

No wonder evil people always get away with the s hit they pull in this world, its insane. Everyone just forgets so easily. 

[Lola2790]

14 minutes ago, princessmimi said:

Exactly!

 

People just dismiss her as crazy and she needs to be back in a conservatorship when she never needed one in the first place,

she just needed support and help from her family but instead they all leeched off of her.

Now her boys are the same way.

I bet it kills her that they don't speak to her especially since she gave up her freedom and youth for them 

 

Just look at how they destroyed her in 2 years.

Late 2008 -- she was hopeful here and still herself 

Early 2011 -- she was overmedicated against her will

So, what did 13 years of this abusive and horrific arrangement do to her? God only knows.

[Jup1ter]

Youtube link that thumb X-factor (?) interview pls

[Lola2790]

Just now, Jup1ter said:

Youtube link that thumb X-factor (?) interview pls

It was after X Factor. Early 2013 after her breakup with co-conservator Jason Trawick.

 

[princessmimi]

4 minutes ago, Lola2790 said:

Just look at how they destroyed her in 2 years.

Late 2008 -- she was hopeful here and still herself 

Early 2011 -- she was overmedicated against her will

So, what did 13 years of this abusive and horrific arrangement do to her? God only knows.

Its so sad seeing the complete difference in both gifs. 

 

I feel like the last time we saw the "Britney Spears" we all knew and grew up with was in For The Record

but that was before the conservatorship became more abusive and controlling.

Being controlled and having no free will and working to make profit for others would kill anyone's spirit.

[Lola2790]

18 minutes ago, princessmimi said:

Its so sad seeing the complete difference in both gifs. 

 

I feel like the last time we saw the "Britney Spears" we all knew and grew up with was in For The Record

but that was before the conservatorship became more abusive and controlling.

Being controlled and having no free will and working to make profit for others would kill anyone's spirit.

  She returned in 2016!

Also, if you listen to this interview, she shows so much personality -- the most out of any interview during the conservatorship. 
She sounds like her old self.

 

[princessmimi]

3 minutes ago, Lola2790 said:

  She returned in 2016!

Also, if you listen to this interview, she shows so much personality -- the most out of any interview during the conservatorship. 
She sounds like her old self.

 

Oh yeah I remember the Glory era.

I bet Team Con and her dad noticed her confidence and spirit were coming back,

so they forced her into the facility and drugged her up to keep her back in control.

 

I think the stay at the facility messed her up permanently.

She was never the same after that 

[Jup1ter]

27 minutes ago, Lola2790 said:

It was after X Factor. Early 2013 after her breakup with co-conservator Jason Trawick.

 

Thank You so much I want to watch cause it’s like the same room Brian Spears, you know… 🤭

[itswwasheembitch]

7 minutes ago, Lola2790 said:

  She returned in 2016!

Also, if you listen to this interview, she shows so much personality -- the most out of any interview during the conservatorship. 
She sounds like her old self.

 

I feel like Bryan taking over the conservatorship was liberating for her. I mean he was less controlling that's why we gets more hint of the old Britney. That was the moment she got hope again

[Jup1ter]

33 minutes ago, Lola2790 said:

It was after X Factor. Early 2013 after her breakup with co-conservator Jason Trawick.

 

I was there watching it!

Her part was so short lol and def some tension about Scream & Shout Remix video, yes there’s weird stories about it, she looked so good there tho.

[icybaby]

And court approved that...

[Emil87]

Thanks, you inspired me to re-read the book this weekend! 

[Hamelia]

Thank you for bringing up the book again. Britney gives so many clues in it. I started rereading it last week and I actually took notes. So far, I have made it to Chapter 23.

In Chapter 21, one theme is youth and childhood. After 2 years of pregnancy, her body felt young again. She writes in italics "Is this what it's like to be a thirteen-year-old again?" On the dark side the young family was haunted by paparazzi. When she looked out the window she saw "the number of enemy combatants in the parking lot. They just seemed to multiply every time I checked".

On the next page, she writes about the time when her sister was three years old. "When she was three, some part of me became three, too. I've heard that this sometimes happens to parents - especially if you have trauma from your childhood. When your kids get to be the age you were when you were dealing with something rough, you relieve it emotionally." 

Britney is very specific with the age. It's three, not four when her brother had his life-threatening accident. At age 4 she started sleeping at the foot of her brother's bed and only stopped when she was almost in 6th grade, about 10 years old. I wondered whether the foot of her brother's bed was the one safe space in her house where she could sleep without having to relive what happened to her at age 3. 

 

Edited March 8 by Hamelia

[Hamelia]

5 hours ago, icybaby said:

And court approved that...

That is mindboggling.

It is sad that courts put conservatorship proceedings in motion with or without a doctor's official assessment. By the way, it's a form with check marks. If it is available at the time of the court session like Britney's judge maintained, where is hers now?