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How to be single?


brymo

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Being single sucks. I hate it. I've spent most of my life in a relationship, and being alone is painful (I feel like Britney is maybe the same - :receipts2_britney_um_browsing_browse:).

I had a really sad breakup earlier this week and now I'm realizing all the annoying things about dating and being alone. What's the best way to cope? I've already downloaded ALL OF THE APPS and drank way too much wine. 

#firstthread :wink_britney_everytime_white:

 

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Sorry for your breakup. If you've spent most of your life in a relationship, I'd recommend trying to reframe this whole thing as an opportunity now for you to take time for yourself, to be selfish, to enjoy your freedom, and focus on what solely makes you happy. 

I wholeheartedly agree with everything @everybodygoesdown said. And when you do get in a relationship again, having this time to learn about yourself and grow on your own will only make your next relationship stronger and better.

 

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Learn about yourself bb. Who you are without someone to piggyback off of. If you already have hobbies, get back into them! Work on being the full package for the next full package you meet :tiffanynod_miss_ms_ny_new_york_yes_yas_nodding_agree:

I’ve actually been single more than I’ve been  in a relationship and it’s so chill. No drama, no dumb *** fights for nothing, and you get to really focus on yourself. It’s gonna be okay :wink_britney_everytime_white:

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Being single is one of the most liberating things ever. You owe it to yourself to enjoy things that YOU like, that YOU desire. For example, going to restaurant and eating because that takes strength because of the societal judgement or going to cafe with a book and enjoying YOUR time. Going on a holiday, exploring the world. The world is your oyster, my friend. Don't dwell on being single because life is way too short for that. May I recommend the movie " How to be single?" . That movie changed my life because I was going through a really bad break up ( being cheated on after 13 years of relationship) and that movie made me feel better and taught me that being single is ok. Have fun. Be a slu* , explore! 

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13 hours ago, Urbanney said:

Sorry for your breakup. If you've spent most of your life in a relationship, I'd recommend trying to reframe this whole thing as an opportunity now for you to take time for yourself, to be selfish, to enjoy your freedom, and focus on what solely makes you happy. 

I wholeheartedly agree with everything @everybodygoesdown said. And when you do get in a relationship again, having this time to learn about yourself and grow on your own will only make your next relationship stronger and better.

 

Agreed, but when it's all I've done for the last 16 years, I've gotten in the groove of having someone there. Probably a good learning experience to rely on myself.

The reframing is good. I also need to focus on finding someone who truly checks all the boxes and not settling. 

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it sounds like youre more afraid of being lonely rather than genuinely wanting to be with someone specific if you know what i mean

its just been a few days. it normal to feel ****ty/weird/sad/off etc.

leave the apps alone and focus on you, your likes, and your other rships like others said. learn how to really process your feelings and enjoy your life as it is before getting into a new rship

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31 minutes ago, pancake said:

it sounds like youre more afraid of being lonely rather than genuinely wanting to be with someone specific if you know what i mean

 

You're right. That and just putting too much of my self-worth into being in a relationship. I feel an immense pressure to find "the one" right now, especially as I get older (no gray hair yet thankfully).

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I spent my whole 20s in relationships. When someone would broke up with me I would be heartbroken and would find another one in matter of less then 2 days. It was called serial monogamy.

 

At age of 29 I decided to try to be single for my own sake... and I loved it so much. So much that I decided to be single 4 ever and just enjoy the fruits. I hated myself for not doing this earlier because I felt good and liberated.

 

I loved being single so much that when I met someone special two years later I was angry at my life for throwing NOW someone so good and worthy. Anyway, we are planing to engage now.

 

Moral of the story; ENJOY YOUR ******* FREEDOM and LIFE and YOURSELF. Once you learn to love your life as single; you will be better version of yourself to someone else.

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On 12/4/2022 at 12:26 AM, Groundbreaking said:

I'll edit this tmrw. I'm too tired to type all that shyt i want to tell you rn 😂💀

Okay, so I'm here with the edit. 

On 12/3/2022 at 11:56 PM, brymo said:

Being single sucks. I hate it. I've spent most of my life in a relationship, and being alone is painful (I feel like Britney is maybe the same - :receipts2_britney_um_browsing_browse:).

First of all, I do not have enough info to give you any advice, so I'll raise some questions and you can answer to yourself, you do not need to share every detail here because it's rather personal. Also, you can hit me in my dms if you want me to elaborate on something. :) 

Second of all, why does it sucks? Why do you hate it? Do you really hate? Isn't just unusual situation for you? You confirmed that you spent most of your life in a relationship — isn't this just a different chapter in your life? Like something new? Something you are yet to adapt to? Why do you think it painful? Is it because you have no external stimuli and you are not used to enjoy solitude? That peace and quiet. Why do you think something must be necessarily wrong / bad / painful / whatever negative adjective you put here when this occurs?

On 12/3/2022 at 11:56 PM, brymo said:

I had a really sad breakup earlier this week and now I'm realizing all the annoying things about dating and being alone. What's the best way to cope? I've already downloaded ALL OF THE APPS and drank way too much wine. 

Let me just say that you can either think this a disaster or you can make the best of it but again, I do not know enough about you and this situation, so I'll share my story with you so it can inspire you. :) 

So I was in this relationship and I was kinda naive so I though it would be forever after. :katyclown_makeup_mess_pie_meme_smile: Anyway, it was like before Xmas and my partner was like "I've got so many things on my plate, so much work to do, so many deadlines and stuff, I'll be away for sometime" adding he would come back on Xmas break and we would spend it together. Well, when he was "working" he was in fact "having a whale of time" with that other boy. It broke me. It really did and I felt like I was alone but not in that good way but like left alone. Do you get what I mean? I could not reach my friends because I was too embarrassed. I was all alone in that situation and it was not nice. Well, firstly I did something similar like you - downloaded dating app wanting to make my ex jealous that I would get someone better than him. I mean I'm good looking lad so it would not be a problem. Whatever, it took me some time to realise this but I came to a state in which I realised I was just a bitter, upset person and I was still giving energy to that litthe fwucker. I haven't been in a "proper" relationship since. Whatever has happened since was either a hookups and or just friends. I learned that I do not need anyone to feel good and validated. I do not need anyone to have fun and feel good. Whatever I was looking for, I already had in me and the people I met were just strangers on the way. And same goes for you — you already have everything you need in you, just let it arise. What I mean, you do not need to clear chakras, past lifes or any shyt like this. You can just let your mind the only thing that it is designed to do — to recieve stuff. You know why you feel uncomfortable now? It is because you are trying to do stuff with your mind that it cannot do. Your mind does not see behind the corner but your higher mind / God / Buddha / the universe / Allah / whatever and or whoever can = you can let it go for now, do your stuff, watch fairy tales in teli, go to the jim or you can just appreciate a beauty of a clear sky, enjoy that taste of your well deserved wine and stuff like this. It is simple, yes, but it works. Firstly when this happened to me I thought I was crazy but now I see more and more people starting to living like this because they are tired of that toxic human ish life that used to be presented as the only right one. Once you get into this, you'll see how differently you can see things that had bothered you before. Dunno whether this can happen overnight or not. It took me some time to survive this so dunno about you. :)

Anyway, if nothing else, you can reach me through my dms and the only thing I can do for you is that I can give you a shoulder to cry on. :) Or if you wanna talk, you know what to do. :) 

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How to be single? Make the cut to Blackout tracklist then get included in Circus as a bonus track by contract :gimmemoar_britney_hat_more_gimme_giggle_haha_hehe_lol_2007_vmas_lmao:

But in all seriousness, I don't know, I really like being alone, like I unironically enjoy it. In fact I wonder how people find the time and energy to be with someone and also do the stuff they want for themselves, or is it that y'all don't have any solo hobbies/activities? I mean, if it's just about s**, you could get it without necessarily being in a relationship, so yeah, I really don't understand.

But I guess everyone is different. There are people who were born to be single and those that need to have a partner. But I feel like it sucks that your happiness depends on someone else but yourself, whether is a partner, a child, a relative, a friend, etc. One needs to learn how to be happy on your own, find your own value, your own wishes and dreams and when you have all that sorted out, you can then find someone you can share that with, as two happy people that don't depend on each other, and will continue being happy if the relationship ends for whatever reason.

I also find it strange when people meet others or approach someone with the sole intention of finding a potential relationship, whether in a public place or an app. I guess it works for most, but I think that if I ever end up with someone, it would have to occur spontaneously, like an attraction that just comes up out of nowhere between the two, without either of them actively looking for it, but maybe that's too unrealistic (and the reason why I'll die single lol)

 

But if you really, really, really need to be with someone, then just go out and grab the first person you come across lol nothing like trial and error. 

 

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3 hours ago, Groundbreaking said:

Second of all, why does it sucks? Why do you hate it? Do you really hate? Isn't just unusual situation for you? You confirmed that you spent most of your life in a relationship — isn't this just a different chapter in your life? Like something new? Something you are yet to adapt to? Why do you think it painful? Is it because you have no external stimuli and you are not used to enjoy solitude? That peace and quiet. Why do you think something must be necessarily wrong / bad / painful / whatever negative adjective you put here when this occurs?

I'm just not used to it. That and I put too much of my selfworth in other people's opinions.  It is a different chapter, but it's frustrating as you get older. I feel behind and like I'm not doing things in life that I had planned. When I build this image of my future and have goals, I always work really hard to achieve them. When I don't reach my goals or have that future that I envisioned, I get really depressed. Just something I have to work on, I guess.

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So I was in this relationship and I was kinda naive so I though it would be forever after. :katyclown_makeup_mess_pie_meme_smile: Anyway, it was like before Xmas and my partner was like "I've got so many things on my plate, so much work to do, so many deadlines and stuff, I'll be away for sometime" adding he would come back on Xmas break and we would spend it together. Well, when he was "working" he was in fact "having a whale of time" with that other boy. It broke me. It really did and I felt like I was alone but not in that good way but like left alone. Do you get what I mean? I could not reach my friends because I was too embarrassed. I was all alone in that situation and it was not nice.

Definitely been exactly there. That's hard and I'm sorry you had to go through that. People can be so cruel. It's hard to trust after something like that, but I'm glad you were able to move on.

Fortunately, this breakup for me was different - we just realized he wants kids and I don't. Like we still love each other, but we just have strongly different desires for the future. It sucks, but it hurt when he completely cut me from his life instantly. 

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Anyway, if nothing else, you can reach me through my dms and the only thing I can do for you is that I can give you a shoulder to cry on. :) Or if you wanna talk, you know what to do. :) 

Thank you. I really appreciate that. :) 

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On 12/5/2022 at 1:45 PM, brymo said:

I'm just not used to it. That and I put too much of my selfworth in other people's opinions.

Well, then ask yourself why do you keep putting too much of your selfworth in other people's opinions. How does it serve you? Why is someone else's (an external source actually) opinion so valid to you?

On 12/5/2022 at 1:45 PM, brymo said:

It is a different chapter, but it's frustrating as you get older. I feel behind and like I'm not doing things in life that I had planned. When I build this image of my future and have goals, I always work really hard to achieve them. When I don't reach my goals or have that future that I envisioned, I get really depressed. Just something I have to work on, I guess.

Been there. Again, what helped me was that i thought to myself that there is something better for me that my mind could somehow think that out itself. In fact, it could be only "recieved" by my mind (seen, heard, felt, touched etc.) It my calm your physical mind down :) Anyway, sending a virtual hug, it seems like you are pretty hard on yourself :):hugs_madonna_britney_ftr_2008_circus_hugging_friends_support:

On 12/5/2022 at 1:45 PM, brymo said:

Definitely been exactly there. That's hard and I'm sorry you had to go through that. People can be so cruel. It's hard to trust after something like that, but I'm glad you were able to move on.

ty ♥

On 12/5/2022 at 1:45 PM, brymo said:

Fortunately, this breakup for me was different - we just realized he wants kids and I don't. Like we still love each other, but we just have strongly different desires for the future. It sucks, but it hurt when he completely cut me from his life instantly.

Okay, so at this point, the only logical thing seems to be that if you really love him, you should be able to love even from a distance otherwise it was something else but not love. Love is unconditionall. Full stop. :) I get that it may be difficult to start again without that particular partner on the other hand if you both really love each other you can still be close, you can still stay in touch just with that exception that he does his thing with kids and you can be like a cool uncle or something. At least that is how it works for me. It does not necessarily needs to work like that for you. :) And another hug because you need it. :):hugs_madonna_britney_ftr_2008_circus_hugging_friends_support:

On 12/5/2022 at 1:45 PM, brymo said:

Thank you. I really appreciate that. :) 

:hugs_madonna_britney_ftr_2008_circus_hugging_friends_support::hugs_madonna_britney_ftr_2008_circus_hugging_friends_support:

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