"By sharing these unbelievably embarrassing sad stories . . . I deserve to tell them, but I won’t. You know why? I don’t want to show them I’m upset, just like I’ve been dead to my family for 15 years, they are dead to me as well." - ...why the shame?

[Lola2790]

Quote

“My intention in sharing things that happened to me in the past is not to seek pity, it’s to show my family that isolating me and making me feel so separate and unequal caused me to lose my faith in God! By sharing these unbelievably embarrassing sad stories, I think people need to know and understand where I’m coming from! I feel extremely alone having all these feelings inside of me of literally being treated less than a dog by my father! It makes me feel like I am absolutely nothing at all again! It’s been 3 years! I remember when the fight first began, my mom was secretly excited to get a lawyer to finally have some contact with my dad by fighting with him in court, then all she did in court was put her big chest on the table in front of her and enjoy every second of doing what she did to me when I was younger… screaming all night long… fighting… that was her way of communicating with him! I was paralysed and felt the damage of taking lithium at that time and was literally scared as **** for 4 hours! Anyways, when it was over I ran and took my shoes off in the court house and of course, the only pic of that day was the world laughing and saying ‘What is her problem? Why does she not have shoes on?’ It was my right to take my shoes off and move forward after I wasn’t allowed to walk away for 4 months! GUIDE ME and LEAD ME FOR YOUR NAMESAKE… it’s like I was dead! On the way home I felt like I did when I was younger. My mom was silently on the phone and her only concern was on the phone with her lawyer asking ‘What did Jamie say? What did Jamie do? What is he saying now?’ Her ex-husband was all she was concerned about! I was literally dead to her… not one time did she give me her face and say ‘Baby are you okay?’ It was all about her.

“I share this because I want people to know and say ‘okay we ****ing get it. I was a mother****ing saint allowing my whole family in my kitchen to chat away a month later revealing their side of the story! As far I was concerned I was dead to them! My sister walked in after 4 hours of meetings in Hollywood about doing TV shows with my dad, walks into my living room speaking loud to my boys. ‘WHAT’S UP BOYS?’ I’m happy she was able to have the balls and to deliver her pitches to me in my home on all of her ideas of the kind of TV shows she wanted! I hear she’s jumping out of planes now! Hope she can breathe easily when she does all that… GOOD FOR HER! I wish I could have gone and spoken loud in my kitchen with my family and told my family my heart and screamed with all my might! But no, I was silent and scared to ****ing move and couldn’t feel my right hand! I can throw curves with my left. I think we should all get down on our mother****ing knees and pray I don’t show up with right! In the meantime, I must say its kind of fun being anonymous. I sit back and observe! The attention my family spent on analysing me from 8 in the morning till 6 at night, expanding my head, giving them movie time with my face and me having a migraine every night of my life was over the top! You break a bone it heals, you break a heart, that takes a little longer to come back! It’s weird I fool myself sometimes to the illusion of Instagram looking beautiful… I ride boats and look nice and that’s my pride! People have no mother****ing clue how and what my family has done to my heart! Do you know how hard it is for me every day of my life to wake up and know there is no God and not being able to literally scream in their faces and tell them how I feel? That’s my blood. I deserve to tell them, but I won’t. You know why? I don’t want to show them I’m upset, just like I’ve been dead to them for 15 years, they are dead to me as well.

“It’s hard for me though! The day Maddie, my niece was in that horrible accident with my mom was on the phone… she said Jamie Lynn said something happened… silence … silence… silence! She wouldn’t tell me… then she said it… she stopped breathing… we lost her! My mind was gone completely and absolutely gone. I lost my mind at that moment and I started throwing things! The reason I bring this up is that the only thing my brother said was ‘control yourself! I’m taking the children to the guest house. You are not safe to be around them’. So he did! I stood there crying! Death is a mystery. We don’t understand it. My mind couldn’t process it! **** you God… **** you, God… **** you God… **** you
God is all I wanted to say! Minutes later Maddie opened her eyes, she could see!

“I’m not sure how it was so easy for my family to take my breath away, take my inhaler away, and most importantly my holy feet! Yes, my feet are holy… if you look closely at my Instagram you can see my legs are like a 5-year-olds – my upper body and head are not proportionate! It’s because my head and feet couldn’t be as one… it was all analysing my head… can you imagine the pain I felt and having to be up all the time in a begging plea to show I was okay every day so maybe, just maybe, this can be the day I can get in my car and go home. My body is better now, I’m more proportionate and my head and feet are coming together by movement! I’ve taken down all the posts where my body isn’t right and it’s so ****ed up! I just wake up and look around and say damn! I’m reading a book right now ‘The Way We Were’ and it makes me sad! Christmas… feeling accepted… stupid silly smiles… the adorable pretend factor of Santa! Finally, a reason to celebrate a make-believe world with children who haven’t experienced the cruelty of the world yet. I might be an idiot this year… buy a tree and put it on top of my mother****ing roof and create a satellite!” - 17 November 2022 

...this old post of Britney's really struck me today.

Why do you think she feels shame in opening up about her abusers? Shouldn't all the shame fall on the abusers?

Edited September 19, 2023 by Lola2790

[DiamondCircus]

I can’t even when she bashes religion she has her right to be on her journey but when she talks about God like that makes me cringe!

Edited September 19, 2023 by DiamondCircus

[BadBunny]

I’m sorry but half of this was word salad and sounds nothing more than an incohesive journal entry that was written in the heat of a moment. She also sounds like she has a lot of misdirected anger and unresolved miscommunication that made her think that people were out to her. Maybe an episode of psychosis? Regardless, some things should also be kept private but I understand that she likes to use her socials as an outlet. Wishing her well.

Edited September 19, 2023 by BadBunny

[BadBunny]

6 minutes ago, DiamondCircus said:

I can’t even when she bashes religion she has her right to be on her journey but when she talks about God like that makes me cringe!

I found that part disturbing.

[AII]

8 minutes ago, DiamondCircus said:

I can’t even when she bashes religion she has her right to be on her journey but when she talks about God like that makes me cringe!

arent her kids her religion? i remember her saying that once many years ago

maybe she practises jaydenism

 

[Sia]

7 minutes ago, BadBunny said:

I’m sorry but half of this was word salad and sounds nothing more than an incohesive journal entry that was written in the heat of a moment. She also sounds like she has a lot of internal anger and unresolved miscommunication. Wishing her well.

What’s kind of off putting to me is that she made Maddie’s accident about herself. 

[Steve W]

14 minutes ago, DiamondCircus said:

I can’t even when she bashes religion she has her right to be on her journey but when she talks about God like that makes me cringe!

Religion is not real to many . I think its BS myself . A bunch of cults . You can have faith . Others have a right not to follow an imaginary faith. Yet many believe . Many think its real. Its a choice. Stop hating on her. She had faith . Yet for now her abuse has decimated that idea. 

Edited September 19, 2023 by Steve W

[BadBunny]

5 minutes ago, Sia said:

What’s kind of off putting to me is that she made Maddie’s accident about herself. 

Really? I feel like that part was quite sentimental in a way. Showed she really cared about Maddie. A lot of it just sounds jumbled so I can’t quite make the best sense of all the points she’s trying to make.

Edited September 19, 2023 by BadBunny

[DiamondCircus]

2 minutes ago, Steve W said:

Religion is not real to many . I think its BS myself . A bunch of cults . You can have faith . Others have a right not to follow an imaginary faith. Yet many believe . Many think its real. Its a choice. Stop hating on her. She had faith . Yet for now her abuse has decimated that idea. 

Disrespectful to religion is a No No! Keep making excuses, there’s a difference in not believing the same religion or even having faith versus disrespecting it and offending those that do! 

[DiamondCircus]

8 minutes ago, AII said:

arent her kids her religion? i remember her saying that once many years ago

maybe she practises jaydenism

 

She can practice anything she likes but she shouldn’t make a mockery out of religion and or be disrespectful about it. 

[BadBunny]

17 minutes ago, DiamondCircus said:

Disrespectful to religion is a No No! Keep making excuses, there’s a difference in not believing the same religion or even having faith versus disrespecting it and offending those that do! 

To me, this post sounds like she suffered from a severe episode of psychosis due to her bipolar disorder (which she confirmed in the past) some time around 2018-19 (maybe even sooner). My guess is that she was in dire need of help but was too stubborn to accept that she in fact needed help. As as result, she took out her anger on her family which to me isn’t totally fair. I mean, there were a lot of signs in 2018 leading up to the facility stay that Britney didn’t seem well. To date, that Domination announcement was one of the strangest public appearances she made. She walked down a flight of stairs and went straight into a limo. So bizarre. Mentally she seemed like she was disheveled or going through something larger than what we were able to comprehend at the time. All the puzzle pieces seem to slowly be coming together…

Edited September 19, 2023 by BadBunny

[DeniseVanDerBilt]

16 minutes ago, DiamondCircus said:

Disrespectful to religion is a No No! Keep making excuses, there’s a difference in not believing the same religion or even having faith versus disrespecting it and offending those that do! 

I will never have respect for a religion. I shouldn’t have because it’s not real. 

[DiamondCircus]

12 minutes ago, DeniseVanDerBilt said:

I will never have respect for a religion. I shouldn’t have because it’s not real. 

[TakeYourHand]

I think she’s honestly confused. I think the cship was effed up but honestly the only abusive time she refers to was the last couple years after the 2019 rehab stay. She’s normalized abusive behavior (as sadly it’s been her normal most of her life) and probably goes back and forth wondering if it was that bad due to fans who worship her every move. I’m not saying I’m pro cship but I do think Britney can be her own worst enemy because she was on fire 2015/2016. Especially 2016 and Glory era. That was still under the cship and the closest self we’ve seen her since pre 2007. Now was that due to proper meds or did she just randomly snap into things again as if she doesn’t battle mental illness? Let’s be logical lol. There were many good moments and many bad during the cship but again she seems to only really care about the 2019 rehab stay and didn’t seem to fight much at all prior to that. I also don’t understand how she was allowed to have boyfriends without any incentive on their part. Everything is so bizarre and my hope for the book isn’t just to hear bombshell stories but to hear things that’s makes things make more sense. So many odd things in the world of Britney. And I’m PRAYING it’s REAL because as much as I love and enjoyed For The Record, she didn’t truly answer anything. Now that could be due to the edit they approved and released or just the fact that she wasn’t clear. Probably both but this is her opportunity and I hope it was done well. If not I hate to say it but her word will most likely never be taken seriously ever again or at least for a very long time if she shows improvement. I’m rooting for her so fingers crossed!

[dulcaewm]

1 hour ago, AII said:

arent her kids her religion? i remember her saying that once many years ago

maybe she practises jaydenism

 

[dulcaewm]

42 minutes ago, TakeYourHand said:

I’m not saying I’m pro cship but I do think Britney can be her own worst enemy because she was on fire 2015/2016. Especially 2016 and Glory era. That was still under the cship and the closest self we’ve seen her since pre 2007

They told her she could have her sons back if she cooperated. She had something to hope for.

[Jup1ter]

The way her family interacts with themselves bothers her so much she feels attacked all the time? 

If her mom curses and shouts a lot to her father so is she with her husbands and sons, we’ve seen it. She’s not that polite she’s bad at communicating just like her parents. And I feel sad for her that forced rehab and a lot of situations were so wrong.

[TakeYourHand]

34 minutes ago, dulcaewm said:

They told her she could have her sons back if she cooperated. She had something to hope for.

Please show the receipts that prove that. Nonetheless I stand by my word because she was very up and down!

[AZBH27]

9 hours ago, BadBunny said:

To me, this post sounds like she suffered from a severe episode of psychosis due to her bipolar disorder (which she confirmed in the past) some time around 2018-19 (maybe even sooner). My guess is that she was in dire need of help but was too stubborn to accept that she in fact needed help. As as result, she took out her anger on her family which to me isn’t totally fair. I mean, there were a lot of signs in 2018 leading up to the facility stay that Britney didn’t seem well. To date, that Domination announcement was one of the strangest public appearances she made. She walked down a flight of stairs and went straight into a limo. So bizarre. Mentally she seemed like she was disheveled or going through something larger than what we were able to comprehend at the time. All the puzzle pieces seem to slowly be coming together…

Or maybe she just doesn't care anymore and had enough?? Are you a psychiatrist now? I mean when people in general had enough, they just shut everything out and leave.. don't tell me you've never come across this with anyone else.

Edited September 19, 2023 by AZBH27

[easy]

It's very common for survivors to feel embarrassed/shame about the abuse they suffered. It's a huge betrayal of trust and goes on to affect how they view literally every part of their life. It's part of the reason I get angry when people falsely say Britney has a "victim's mentality" because she does not. She's processing over a decade of psychological abuse from the hands of the very people that were supposed to protect her from it. Everything she displays from defensiveness, sensitivity, anger, isolating, being critical of others, etc are all normal behaviors as she processes and heals from her trauma. 

I also wanted to add that the fact that Britney's abuse comes from her family makes her healing even more difficult. She said as much yesterday in her IG story when she said she let "the enemy" stay because she loved them. Letting Britney speak about her abuse on her terms is the best way for her to heal from and move past the shame she feels. Validating her and putting the shame back where it belongs, on her abusers, does too. There are other processes that she can go through with her therapist, but these are the two big ones that we can actually help her with by refocusing the intense judgements and nitpicking to her abusers instead of her. 

Edited September 19, 2023 by easy