Under Probation and very Lonely

[Jezebaal]

Hey guys! 

I'm fairly new here and don't mean to be a Debbie Downer but I've been struggling a lot lately. I've lurked on breatheheavy on & off for a while (actually since 2020) and between that time a lot has happened that led to me being under probation just this year.

I don't want to share the details but all I'm going to say it is going to be for a long time and being of a young age it is difficult to accept it. It's so difficult because I had to move out of the place I was living in and now live with my father who is rather distant and have limited interaction and restrictions due to being under probation. I also have an ankle monitor. I feel like a caged animal and so lonely! My health isn't the best either (mental health and liver and kidney problems) and I feel even more sad because of that. I work (actually have 2 jobs)but on and off which is embarrassing because I never tell them the exact reasons why I miss work, it's so humiliating! They don't know what's going on with me and I don't know what the outcome could be. I don't want to be fired. The person I'm close to the most is my mother but I can't even see her that much anymore. 

To be honest I don't know the point of this thread, I just wanted to express how lonely and hopeless I'm feeling. I'm sure some of you are also going through a similar thing and I just want to connect a little bit. My phone will also be taken away at any point (this year or beginning of next) so I'll only be here for a short time. The internet has kept me a little connected and appreciate it and pop forums/forums in general. I don't have social media and being anonymous is mostly my M.O.

I appreciate your kindness even if anonymous and distant. Whatever helps right now. 

[RadicalOptimism]

Sounds like you have a lot going on and it can definitely be overwhelming and leaving one feeling completely hopeless. Are you missing work because of your ankle monitor or because of having to stay home due to your health problems? I don’t have any advice on letting them know about your monitor, but you should feel open to letting them know about your health. They wouldn’t be able to retaliate against you for missing work due to health problems. 
 

Why is your phone being taken away? I’m sorry if anything seems intrusive, but trying to see how I can help. A few weeks ago I felt probably the worst I had in a long time. Without going into specifics I felt as you did and didn’t know what I could do to feel better. All I can say is take one day at a time and focus on what you can fix first rather than on long-term goals. Breaking things down into small tasks may lessen the burden as well as making time for things that bring you joy. I hope you find peace and will hope for the best because those feelings I would not wish upon my worst enemy. Sending you lots of positivity 

[Jezebaal]

16 minutes ago, CrazyButItFeelsAllright said:

Sounds like you have a lot going on and it can definitely be overwhelming and leaving one feeling completely hopeless. Are you missing work because of your ankle monitor or because of having to stay home due to your health problems? I don’t have any advice on letting them know about your monitor, but you should feel open to letting them know about your health. They wouldn’t be able to retaliate against you for missing work due to health problems. 
 

Why is your phone being taken away? I’m sorry if anything seems intrusive, but trying to see how I can help. A few weeks ago I felt probably the worst I had in a long time. Without going into specifics I felt as you did and didn’t know what I could do to feel better. All I can say is take one day at a time and focus on what you can fix first rather than on long-term goals. Breaking things down into small tasks may lessen the burden as well as making time for things that bring you joy. I hope you find peace and will hope for the best because those feelings I would not wish upon my worst enemy. Sending you lots of positivity 

Thanks . I know I'm not only one going through something like this. Phone will be taken away as a restriction but as of now I will still have it for 2-3 months. I try to stay positive like going out for jogs or a walk and going out with mom once in a while. I thankful I have someplace to stay. I make ginger and cinnamon tea sometimes and imagine my crush is there with me. Small things like these keep me happy for a while. As for work I don't know how to tell them about everything piling up. The many appointments to the doctor (foot, health, and lawyer/court) are difficult to explain. I don't want to be a burden. 

[JayTawndre]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. 

[Buffie]

use the power of your mind to change your life, see only the positive in this, imagine a new life out of this and eventually it will come 

 

[aoki.loid]

i’m so sorry, i hope it gets better 4 u 😔

[jordeezy river red]

Sending you love and strength. Use this time to put your health first. The kidney and liver diseases can be reversed with diet and exercise, I hope. Stay strong, you deserve it!!