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Diane Barth, psychotherapist Talk about K-FED leaked videos; ´´If we were good parents, our child wouldn’t be acting up to begin with. Right?”


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No parent can ever be perfect, but we live in a world where even a snapshot of imperfection — that is, being human — is viewed as being a failure. 

Whatever you think of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, Federline’s recent release of since-deleted video clips on Instagram of Spears yelling at the children they share when the boys were preteens highlights a basic fact of life today: parenting is no longer a private activity.

Federline apparently wanted to show that Spears had been a bad mom, and that is what has caused a strain in her relationship with their now 15- and 16-year-old boys. But what did he actually prove? That no parent is perfect.

And the attention to these videos captures a conundrum of contemporary parenting: While we know that no parent can ever be perfect, we live in a world where being imperfect (that is, human) is viewed as being a failure. 

The truth is that despite all the messages that becoming a parent is a miraculous, wonderful, brilliant part of life, parenting itself can be confusing, painful and filled with conflicting emotions. I imagine that there are very few parents who have not had a meltdown at some point or another. as Brené Brown puts it in “The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting,” many parents struggle with concerns. One of my psychotherapy clients recently expressed it perfectly: “I feel like I never get it right. I’m always worrying if I’m doing a terrible job as a parent.”

The pendulum has swung from the days when the mental health world blamed an individual’s problems on their internal psychological conflicts. Today it seems that everything is the parents’ fault. 

To be clear, we must recognize the role of parenting in a child’s development and acknowledge the terrible consequences of abuse or maltreatment by parents and the fact that it continues to be a serious problem worldwide. Yelling, name-calling and hurtful words can do psychological damage. But there are also some instances in which parents do not need to worry that yelling has damaged their kids. For example, when it is an unusual occurrence and when there’s space for the genuine repair of the rupture between parent and child.

Public figures like Spears constantly deal with having their imperfections flaunted to the world. But when parents become self-conscious about their behaviors, they sometimes cannot behave in the ways that would be most beneficial to their children.

While Federline’s Instagram post claimed that “this isn’t even the worst of it,” many of the responses seemed to side with Spears. And what the public did see and hear point to another part of the parenting conundrum: Abuse is not as easily identified as it might seem, in part, at least, because a single moment in time is not necessarily a good indication of what really goes on in any family or any situation.

Although a mutual meltdown — between a defiant toddler or teen and a parent at the end of her rope — can be a sign of bad parenting, it does not always represent abuse. An occasional bout of bad parenting is a normal part of life. And perhaps even more significantly, both children and parents can learn from these moments of imperfection. Learning that their parents are human, with all the flaws and blemishes that go along with the condition is a crucial part of a child’s developmental process.

In our world of snap opinions, public judgments and lack of willingness to acknowledge nuances, it is increasingly difficult to be honest with our feelings. It’s even harder to find ways to be honest without doing damage. On the surface, the videos that Federline posted on Instagram seemed relatively innocuous. I have no idea if Spears was being honest with her sons and whether or not she was doing damage to the kids. But I do know that a snapshot of a single moment in time is not enough to make that decision.

🔴SOURCE: NBCNEWS

 

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So the fact they are spoiled brats, talking to their mum in that manner, not pointing at the parent who raises them full time, being a bad parent? 🤷🏻‍♂️
 

Because the boys didn’t get this way because of Britney’s “bad parenting” in the 30% supervised visits 🧐 If any of my kids said what those boys said to Britney (and in that manner) there would have been more said, than what these boys got. Which I might add, was spot on, so  well done Britney 👏🏻 ❤️

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This is a side of the debate that most ppl aren't talking about...I think there is a huge disconnect between how most ppl scold and set boundaries for their kids and how elite psychotherapists think ppl should parent their kids...they are more in the not pulling rank and being a "friend" camp when that just doesn't work with little kids who need to wear shoes and not have cracked faces...

 

IMO the only thing you can criticize britney for is the swearing and honestly a lot of ppl swear like sailors...that doesn't make them abusive...crass maybe but not abusive...

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3 minutes ago, B. Leigh said:

and being a "friend" camp when that just doesn't work with little kids who need to wear shoes and not have cracked faces...

:weusay_tiffany_cackle_cackling_chuckle_giggle_lol_haha_hehe_laugh: I still can't believe this idiot thought he would destroy Britney's reputation by showing that she wants her kids to wear shoes....

And now we have "professionals" coming to analyze that..:makeup_kylie_jenner_makeup_brush_lol_laugh_haha_hehe_lmao: The mess of it all !

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2 hours ago, Mr. AmericanDream said:

OH GIRL!....If this lady has kids they def cant stand her psychoanalytic ***.

This ! I'm sure she's like :

Sweetie, we have to be aware of the consequences of our actions and what that means for each other as a family.."

The kid be like :

south park cartman GIF

south park cartman GIF

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3 hours ago, Z-dawg said:

So the fact they are spoiled brats, talking to their mum in that manner, not pointing at the parent who raises them full time, being a bad parent? 🤷🏻‍♂️
 

Because the boys didn’t get this way because of Britney’s “bad parenting” in the 30% supervised visits 🧐 If any of my kids said what those boys said to Britney (and in that manner) there would have been more said, than what these boys got. Which I might add, was spot on, so  well done Britney 👏🏻 ❤️

Almost 100% of everybody agrees with you thankfully, and also, my mom would have smacked the ever loving crap out of me if I spoke to my mom like they spoke to her - was not allowed in my house 😊

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2 hours ago, Alio said:

:weusay_tiffany_cackle_cackling_chuckle_giggle_lol_haha_hehe_laugh: I still can't believe this idiot thought he would destroy Britney's reputation by showing that she wants her kids to wear shoes....

And now we have "professionals" coming to analyze that..:makeup_kylie_jenner_makeup_brush_lol_laugh_haha_hehe_lmao: The mess of it all !

IKR and when she didn’t wear shoes in 2006(?), the whole world trashed her for it. Britney took that lesson and told her sons to wear shoes, and somehow now it’s being a bad mother lol Omg she literally can’t win :makeup_kylie_jenner_makeup_brush_lol_laugh_haha_hehe_lmao:

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Some psychotherapists really need to get their heads out of their *****. And get a new job.

kids misbehave. it’s normal. It’s called growing up, testing your limits. Parents are supposed to punish (non-abusively) their kids when they act up and that’s what Britney did. 

this is some dumb low effort psycho-babbling to fill an article. 

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19 hours ago, Z-dawg said:

So the fact they are spoiled brats, talking to their mum in that manner, not pointing at the parent who raises them full time, being a bad parent? 🤷🏻‍♂️
 

Because the boys didn’t get this way because of Britney’s “bad parenting” in the 30% supervised visits 🧐 If any of my kids said what those boys said to Britney (and in that manner) there would have been more said, than what these boys got. Which I might add, was spot on, so  well done Britney 👏🏻 ❤️

Wait, you're a dad? :thirsty_britney_onyx_drink_flirt_drinking_sipping_fan_hot: So you have that potent, hot dad nut? Hi, sir. :imcute_britney_ftr_for_the_record_hat_paris_french_smile_grin_happy:

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