I’m a 21 year old virgin... and bi***ual, help!

[ROL]

Hey everyone

 

Please read it all. So I’m here to ask older members for advice on a few things (not just older members, I understand almost everyone else my age and even younger are already more experienced)...

 

So I’m 21 and bi***ual, still virgin although I’ve had a few girlfriends from ages 12-16 and never a boyfriend because, if I’m honest, I’ve never had the courage to get one. I have so many big dreams and I’ve always said I’d just focus on that but I must confess I’m now starting to feel too lonely. I think it’s the social anxiety that built up in my teenage years, the few friends I have I sometimes give short answers and run from any social events (I did it today). I’m a pretty cool guy, the cool and popular hot straight boys from HS often wanted to be friends with me and I just turned them away (not rudely, but I would distance myself slowly) and no one really suspects I’m bi even tho I lowkey find guys more attractive

 

I’m open to a girlfriend or boyfriend, tho I kinda wanna experiment with a boyfriend and I kinda wanted someone good looking and in my age range 21-25 something that would last at least a few months at least and someone who isn’t openly bi so I never run the risk of him outting me. I’m terrified of getting on dating apps otherwise my little secret could be out if someone spots me This is getting too big, so guys what would you suggest for a 21 year old in UK to do/go to get in a relationship. I’m also innocent/dumb to the point of not getting clues sometimes and being terrified of dropping a hint to a guy cause imagine he’s 100% straight and outs me? I’m sure a lot of you guys have been there. It’s just hard to start when I’ve always been the pretty straight boy in HS that would be mean (NOT bully, I’ve never bullied anyone) but I was the guy to be mean to any boy that tried making a move cause back then I could never see myself being in a (hidden) relationship. Like how do I drop hints?

 

Thank you all for readin it and pls provide your bro some tips and I will read everything and be eternally grateful

 

[ROL]

Also just to add here and not to the already long main post, while I’ve had a few girlfriends I never got to lose my virginity with them tho we did everything BUT the actual action and with my last one we were very close and then we broke up and now I kinda wish I did cause I’m 21 and still virgin...

 

But thank you to everyone who read my post, I’ve been debating for days on whether to post and ask for advice or not and I feel safe here with Britney fans cause I always secretly liked Britney. It’s my first time opening up like this, even tho it’s online but yeah..

[Neydelinska Spearsi]

I'll soon turn 30 and still a virgin. I was bothered by it in the past and I still am sometimes but I brush it off because no one can see I'm a virgin. Its not written on my forehead.

Its a combo of decades of depression, anxiety, panic  attacks and actually being ugly. And no, I'm not just saying I'm ugly because I ''hate'' myself. Random people through my lifetime told me I'm ugly. Sometimes even unintentionally. That killed my self esteem and I stay away from people.

Being sick  physically too isnt helping. I stay away from people and I am more and more ****ual which is a relief. I dont have needs and virginity doesnt bother me

But you would be surprised how many virgins there are. A LOT. More and more people are lonely, isolated and with no relationships. I AM NOT AN INCEL just to clarify.

Not all of us old virgins are incels

If u ever need to talk/vent dm me

[No Seas Cortes]

Virgins, don't worry  

First of all, you can easily lie about not being a virgin when someone asks.

Second of all, I remember when I had a crush on this one guy and he had a crush on me in high school, I remember I definitely wanted to have s** with him for the first time. Turned out we didn't even kiss cause I dumped him, my ego kinda didn't let me show him that ''I'm not straight and I care about him''. I'm bi so it was easy to show him I like girls. We only shared a lot of long moments of staring at each other in school and few conversations. That's it. And you know what? Thank God. He turned out to be an idiot and a weirdo  Totally not a person I liked. Really mean and toxic person. I'd regret my whole life losing my virginity to someone like that.

Few years later I found my partner and I know he's a great guy with a good heart. 

You just have to find the right one and you will when the time is right. DON'T PUSH. Wishes often come to us when we don't try so hard to make them happen. It's totally ok to be a virgin. 

[CHAOTIC STYLE.]

I get we all have different perspectives on what beauty should look like, but why would you let someone telling you you’re ugly without your consent? Get some help and try to love yourself. I’m working on it and I feel precious day by day. Try sport and drink water until your ******* pulls off fairy dust! DAMNNNNNNN AM SO SPIRITUAL LATELY  

[RadicalOptimism]

Well here on Exhale people think 21 YO's are literal children so the best advice I can give you is to go to your room and pray that God cleanses your impure thoughts because you are a toddler 

[Alexanda]

24 minutes ago, Style. said:

I get we all have different perspectives on what beauty should look like, but why would you let someone telling you you’re ugly without your consent? Get some help and try to love yourself. I’m working on it and I feel precious day by day. Try sport and drink water until your ******* pulls off fairy dust! DAMNNNNNNN AM SO SPIRITUAL LATELY  

Their attitude is ugly tbh

[ROL]

On 8/14/2021 at 4:33 PM, FreeBritBrit said:

I'll soon turn 30 and still a virgin. I was bothered by it in the past and I still am sometimes but I brush it off because no one can see I'm a virgin. Its not written on my forehead.

Its a combo of decades of depression, anxiety, panic  attacks and actually being ugly. And no, I'm not just saying I'm ugly because I ''hate'' myself. Random people through my lifetime told me I'm ugly. Sometimes even unintentionally. That killed my self esteem and I stay away from people.

Being sick  physically too isnt helping. I stay away from people and I am more and more ****ual which is a relief. I dont have needs and virginity doesnt bother me

But you would be surprised how many virgins there are. A LOT. More and more people are lonely, isolated and with no relationships. I AM NOT AN INCEL just to clarify.

Not all of us old virgins are incels

If u ever need to talk/vent dm me

Thank you for all the advice, I really appreciate it!

 

Also, I still don't believe you're ugly, I'm sure there's someone out there that would find you beautiful! Heck I see people all the time who I think are not very pretty with a hot boyfriend/girlfriend... have you ever tried dating apps btw?

[ROL]

On 8/14/2021 at 5:52 PM, The One and Only said:

Virgins, don't worry  

First of all, you can easily lie about not being a virgin when someone asks.

Second of all, I remember when I had a crush on this one guy and he had a crush on me in high school, I remember I definitely wanted to have s** with him for the first time. Turned out we didn't even kiss cause I dumped him, my ego kinda didn't let me show him that ''I'm not straight and I care about him''. I'm bi so it was easy to show him I like girls. We only shared a lot of long moments of staring at each other in school and few conversations. That's it. And you know what? Thank God. He turned out to be an idiot and a weirdo  Totally not a person I liked. Really mean and toxic person. I'd regret my whole life losing my virginity to someone like that.

Few years later I found my partner and I know he's a great guy with a good heart. 

You just have to find the right one and you will when the time is right. DON'T PUSH. Wishes often come to us when we don't try so hard to make them happen. It's totally ok to be a virgin. 

Hey, speaking of HS, I regret turning some guys away during HS, I really could have started my s** life then but I also get the point of your story which is sometimes it's best to wait but damn there were some great (and even popular) guys (some also in the closet that I could sense were bi) that I turned away but yeah I'll keep waiting.

 

Also good point, I've heard when it comes to manifesting too, that sometimes it's best to let go and like you said things happen when we're not expecting it as much so yeah! Thank you for all ur advice btw!

[MARKUS]

-

[Sea flower]

Hi, do not worry about your age, when the time arrives, it will be the right time. I have heard from friends that sometimes guys who are in a similar situation go on dating apps and want to match with guys but they write in their profile "Looking for friends", just in case. I don't know if this would work.

[Neydelinska Spearsi]

1 hour ago, ROL said:

Thank you for all the advice, I really appreciate it!

 

Also, I still don't believe you're ugly, I'm sure there's someone out there that would find you beautiful! Heck I see people all the time who I think are not very pretty with a hot boyfriend/girlfriend... have you ever tried dating apps btw?

No and I can guarantee you I am indeed ugly.

Im overweight

I have self harm scars

I have eye asymetry because my mom was on a cancer therapy and older when she was preg with me so that left me with asymetries of all kinds

I have 2 front tooth that are gray cuz I have no nerves in them and I cant afford myself any veneers and stuff

And due to stress through the years my hair is super thin and when I dont hide it, you can see my scalp

[Alexanda]

On 8/14/2021 at 5:32 PM, ROL said:

Also just to add here and not to the already long main post, while I’ve had a few girlfriends I never got to lose my virginity with them tho we did everything BUT the actual action and with my last one we were very close and then we broke up and now I kinda wish I did cause I’m 21 and still virgin...

 

But thank you to everyone who read my post, I’ve been debating for days on whether to post and ask for advice or not and I feel safe here with Britney fans cause I always secretly liked Britney. It’s my first time opening up like this, even tho it’s online but yeah..

You are 21, relax! You don't need to impress anybody by the way! 

It's not an embarrassment! You are good the way you are, it's important to know that, when you are in the LGBTQ. imho We all question ourselfs sometimes, but we are way too harsh to ourselfs.

About the reactions about your flirty attitude, if you do that, just say: I like beautiful people, what's wrong with that?

But i can tell you: Most straight people don't realize gay/bi people right away.

Apps is another option, but choose wisely and say no to the wrong people. 

 Have fun in your life and find yourself. 

26 minutes ago, FreeBritBrit said:

No and I can guarantee you I am indeed ugly.

Im overweight

I have self harm scars

I have eye asymetry because my mom was on a cancer therapy and older when she was preg with me so that left me with asymetries of all kinds

I have 2 front tooth that are gray cuz I have no nerves in them and I cant afford myself any veneers and stuff

And due to stress through the years my hair is super thin and when I dont hide it, you can see my scalp

Sweety, i can guarantee you, that you can't find a dude/girl with that attitude! 

Overweight? Some people like to cuddle! 

No hair? Yes and? I don't see the problem.

You are insecure about your tooth, that's the only problem you have, just try to fix it somehow. 

But don't say everything about you is ugly! 

You are welcome!

[Neydelinska Spearsi]

8 minutes ago, Alexanda said:

You are 21, relax! You don't need to impress anybody by the way! 

It's not an embarrassment! You are good the way you are, it's important to know that, when you are in the LGBTQ. imho We all question ourselfs sometimes, but we are way too harsh to ourselfs.

About the reactions about your flirty attitude, if you do that, just say: I like beautiful people, what's wrong with that?

But i can tell you: Most straight people don't realize gay/bi people right away.

Apps is another option, but choose wisely and say no to the wrong people. 

 Have fun in your life and find yourself. 

Sweety, i can guarantee you, that you can't find a dude/girl with that attitude! 

Overweight? Some people like to cuddle! 

No hair? Yes and? I don't see the problem.

You are insecure about your tooth, that's the only problem you have, just try to fix it somehow. 

You are welcome!

Im not looking for partners actually. I stopped caring yrs ago

Its just I dont have friends and thats all

[Alexanda]

12 minutes ago, FreeBritBrit said:

Im not looking for partners actually. I stopped caring yrs ago

Its just I dont have friends and thats all

Yes, but selflove is important, don't forget! I know sometimes it's not so easy.  Even for new friends and you will find them, i'm sure.  

[No Seas Cortes]

8 hours ago, ROL said:

Also good point, I've heard when it comes to manifesting too, that sometimes it's best to let go and like you said things happen when we're not expecting it as much so yeah! 

this is the secret. u ask universe for what u want and then u dont think, worry about it at all  and magic happens

[limezd]

On 8/14/2021 at 11:26 AM, ROL said:

Hey everyone

 

Please read it all. So I’m here to ask older members for advice on a few things (not just older members, I understand almost everyone else my age and even younger are already more experienced)...

 

So I’m 21 and bi***ual, still virgin although I’ve had a few girlfriends from ages 12-16 and never a boyfriend because, if I’m honest, I’ve never had the courage to get one. I have so many big dreams and I’ve always said I’d just focus on that but I must confess I’m now starting to feel too lonely. I think it’s the social anxiety that built up in my teenage years, the few friends I have I sometimes give short answers and run from any social events (I did it today). I’m a pretty cool guy, the cool and popular hot straight boys from HS often wanted to be friends with me and I just turned them away (not rudely, but I would distance myself slowly) and no one really suspects I’m bi even tho I lowkey find guys more attractive

 

I’m open to a girlfriend or boyfriend, tho I kinda wanna experiment with a boyfriend and I kinda wanted someone good looking and in my age range 21-25 something that would last at least a few months at least and someone who isn’t openly bi so I never run the risk of him outting me. I’m terrified of getting on dating apps otherwise my little secret could be out if someone spots me This is getting too big, so guys what would you suggest for a 21 year old in UK to do/go to get in a relationship. I’m also innocent/dumb to the point of not getting clues sometimes and being terrified of dropping a hint to a guy cause imagine he’s 100% straight and outs me? I’m sure a lot of you guys have been there. It’s just hard to start when I’ve always been the pretty straight boy in HS that would be mean (NOT bully, I’ve never bullied anyone) but I was the guy to be mean to any boy that tried making a move cause back then I could never see myself being in a (hidden) relationship. Like how do I drop hints?

 

Thank you all for readin it and pls provide your bro some tips and I will read everything and be eternally grateful

 

Take whatever you can first. As you gain experience then worry about the person you’ll to be with. 

[PeterPaul]

Hey so idk what I can add after so many people but the least I could do is share a bit of my insight

So, the thing I want to address is connecting virginity with loneliness. Try to Erase that thought!!!! I used to think being a virgin meant I’m lonely as well. Now I’m in a relationship and in hindsight I think this concept of “virginity = loneliness” was one of the main reasons I was feeling miserable for a long time, and it definitely held me back from growing as a person. I have come to realize that having a relationship is great, but so is so much else in life! There are many other aspects and people in your life who care about you just as much as a partner would. Also, I believe having s** shouldn’t be a goal! It’s probably hard for you to see that right now but I promise you the world stays EXACTLY the same before and after you have s**. And I believe that when you look back after you’ll lose your virginity, you will see that as well.

What helped me was really getting to know myself and knowing the things I look for in a relationship. I was sure I had it all figured out but after some rough years of frustration about this matter I found out that the thing I always need most - is me. And that could be right for you too!

 

As for the bi***uality - I have nothing to share. In this ever-lasting journey of getting to know myself I know I want to experiment at some point yet I don’t know how, or when. I tell myself that when it’s right - it’ll just happen. But maybe I’ll think differently in some time.

These we’re my two pennies, hope I made you feel a little more hopeful.

Sending love 

[do the thing]

where to start with  well, a little introduction first: I'm bis3xual too, and I'm 20.

 

 

to start with, you have some anxiety issues with yourself. you're too scared to come out, it's fine. I'm closeted too, and I'm 20. the reason why I'm closeted is only my family. I live in France and I'm half-Arab, and well, the most liberal Arabs are more homophobic than the most conservative French guy  

why are you still closeted? isn't the UK one of the most acceptant places in the world? well, after all, it all depends on your social environment. it's perfectly fine to be closeted. who cares if some people outside of your family think that you may be gay though? if your family asks, just say "no", and you've dated girls. and "I secretly like Britney" shows that you care wayyyyy too much about others opinions. look, I'm in a conservative environment and I have a conservative family. but for sure, idgaf about having some "feminine" tastes and all (I grew up with 4 sisters, one who's 18 and three who are 16). actually, the less you care about it, the most people won't care about it haha. they're kinda intrigued most of the time. I'd add that you live in the UK and not in Afghanistan. btw I've rarely seen anything more liberal than universities in the UK (visited some). so if you're 21 other peoples doubting something shouldn't be a problem. 

btw, something about your post is kinda weird to me: why are you still talking about HS at... 21? In France, ain't nobody is talking about it like 3 months after lol. and "popularity" isn't really a thing either over here, mainly because we don't have "school official X team" or big events etc. (even though France is high on most sports list, paradoxical isn't it?). so yeah you have some groups of different people but no group is "more popular" than the other. just curious about it! but yeah, we don't have any "HS identity" so we don't give a f anymore about it. and there's little to no homophobia in HS. 

being a virgin at 21 is fine. I had my first time at 19, so one year ago, with a girl that I liked (I appreciated the s3x, but wasn't in love with her... even though I tried). don't push yourself. wait and find the right person. 

about hitting at other guys: even though I'm closeted, I mess around with boys and girls. at parties I kiss boys and girls. if someone tells me "are you gay" I troll and leave ambiguous responses. no big deal. 

 

so my advice:

- stop caring about people you don't know. they can't out you to your family unless they have pics of you kissing another dude.

- HS is over, at 21 most people have forgotten about you except your friends, some don't know you anymore, so why caring about... your HS reputation? it's as ridiculous as saying "I was the smart guy in middle school, so I don't want to start a career in sports..." 

- try to be open about it to your closest friends, the ones you really trust. it'd help you a lot! if you really can't (which I can understand, when I traveled in the Arab world, I realized that in some environments it was simply impossible). in the UK you should be able to find some trustworthy friends that won't out you.

- you're introvert, and it's fine. you prefer hanging out with a small group of persons. more than half of people are like you. 

- you want to date a guy. well, sorry, but you have to drop hints. if you ain't comfortable doing so, wait for any hint and drop some too. it depends on your personality though. people have blamed me for "messing around" with anyone, when it's just how I am lol (the more I flirt with you, the more I make jokes about you). if you're more calm, then try some questions "what do you think about my looks?" "what's your kind of partner" and see if they describe you. you can use apps too, there are some "discreet" guys over there. 

 

sorry for this long-*** post, but I know how difficult it can be to accept and explore your s3xuality, especially when closeted. I'd be nice if you give some extra information (in which kind of environment do you live? are you studying or working? etc.) because it's hard to give a proper answer without it!

I'm "half-closeted", and I think that it's the best option: you're out to your close friends, and not to your family. if some people suspect something, I don't give a ****, they won't pay my bills lol

 

one last thing: when I was dating my first gf and didn't feel any romantic connection with her, I thought that I was gay. but when we had s3x, I was like "yeah, I'm definitely bi". so go and check if you're really bi, straight, or actually gay (some take time to realize it, and it may be the case in your case). 

be more confident, and you'll be happier and less miserable!

 

 

 

 

[ROL]

On 8/15/2021 at 10:14 PM, MARKUS said:

My advice isnt an advice but a positive confirmation to what you described. To know that there is absolutely nothing wrong or un normal about what you said. When the time is right someone will be by your side and would respect your wishes and do's and dont's in a relationship. Good relationship and not being alone is not as common as we think. Remember that a lot of people fake happiness and love in media and social media.  Plus It's totally great to be by your self for now!!! See it for its positive enjoy every second of it.  

ALSO - realize that the one you may find attractive might also have the same fears - but neither of you would know until you give it a try. SO if you really fancied someone - Give it a

XX

Thanks for the advice! That last person about the person I may find attractive might also find me attractive but we won't know until we try is really true I guess, there was a guy at my last job that I had a huuuuuge crush on lol and I kinda regret not dropping more clear hints cause he seemed to like me sometimes but seemed even more closeted than me as in even more in denial and trying way to hard to act 100% straight. Oh well life moves on I guess

 

On 8/15/2021 at 11:40 PM, Alexanda said:

You are 21, relax! You don't need to impress anybody by the way! 

It's not an embarrassment! You are good the way you are, it's important to know that, when you are in the LGBTQ. imho We all question ourselfs sometimes, but we are way too harsh to ourselfs.

About the reactions about your flirty attitude, if you do that, just say: I like beautiful people, what's wrong with that?

But i can tell you: Most straight people don't realize gay/bi people right away.

Apps is another option, but choose wisely and say no to the wrong people. 

 Have fun in your life and find yourself. 

Thank you, you are definitely right!

 

On 8/16/2021 at 10:35 PM, PeterPaul said:

Hey so idk what I can add after so many people but the least I could do is share a bit of my insight

So, the thing I want to address is connecting virginity with loneliness. Try to Erase that thought!!!! I used to think being a virgin meant I’m lonely as well. Now I’m in a relationship and in hindsight I think this concept of “virginity = loneliness” was one of the main reasons I was feeling miserable for a long time, and it definitely held me back from growing as a person. I have come to realize that having a relationship is great, but so is so much else in life! There are many other aspects and people in your life who care about you just as much as a partner would. Also, I believe having s** shouldn’t be a goal! It’s probably hard for you to see that right now but I promise you the world stays EXACTLY the same before and after you have s**. And I believe that when you look back after you’ll lose your virginity, you will see that as well.

What helped me was really getting to know myself and knowing the things I look for in a relationship. I was sure I had it all figured out but after some rough years of frustration about this matter I found out that the thing I always need most - is me. And that could be right for you too!

 

As for the bi***uality - I have nothing to share. In this ever-lasting journey of getting to know myself I know I want to experiment at some point yet I don’t know how, or when. I tell myself that when it’s right - it’ll just happen. But maybe I’ll think differently in some time.

These we’re my two pennies, hope I made you feel a little more hopeful.

Sending love 

Hey, I think I rly needed to hear this. I like to stay positive and that seems to be part of the message you're giving. I'll try stop beating myself up so much lol some of the things you said I'm slowly understanding and getting there but this is the reassurance I needed, thank you sm