Mood Disorders

[rosenotes]

So I've recently been diagnosed with a unspecified mood disorder, my therapist think i suffer with bipolar ii, but i am going in for a second opinion per her recommendation. i've always know my moods were not normal, people seems to just have better coping skills than i ever have had. i have stints of high confidence and everything is fine, even great! then i crash, and it's hard to even exist. i isolate myself from the ones i love, avoid social interactions, and physically can't get myself to do basic tasks in terms of self care or daily tasks. simple tasks at home and work seem impossible, i hide it well, but i suffer immensely and always have.

i am also trans, and am medically transitioning, so i am sure that affects my moods as well. i am trying to learn to cope with my traumas, my mood disorder, and being trans where, let's face it, i am constantly a walking controversial topic. i am grateful i am almost fully passing, and as awful as that sounds, it makes transitioning easier in some aspects. though i've started to get unwanted attention from men, but i digress. another issue for another time, lol.

the reason i'm posting this is not only to vent, but to get advice from others who suffer with similar/the same thing. the thought of medication relieves me, but also scares me... i am afraid of not being myself, turning numb like i was before transitioning. are there any tips or advice anyone can offer?

i guess i'm looking for some online reassurance. i know this is a good thing logically, but the stigma that comes with these things scare me. i want to be healthy, happy, and functioning... all in all, i just want a brighter future.

[Daniyaal]

first of all, wow! you seem to be so brave for doing all of these things : opening about mental health issues, trauma and your lGBT status. I understand you must feel real alone right now. you don't know what's wrong with you and you do not know how to cope. you are dealing with so much i.e. trans, mental health and the possibility of treatment not working. i feel that it much be scary for you. 

but i want to say that there are thousands, if not millions, of people who are going through exactly what you are going through. everyone has ups and downs in life (not to disregard your experience but to make you feel that you are not alone) but everyone copes differently. therapy is something may help you understand yourself more and help find coping mechanisms. I would also suggest confiding in those around you so that they understand your situation and know how to help you when things aren't great i.e. work or socialising. 

For the medication aspect, i would like to add that everyones experience is different. there are many different meds and many different bodies that react differently. Even your favs i.e, selena gomez, bebe rexha and lady gaga have bipolar disorder/trauma and have said that medication has been LIFE changing for them. Why not give it a go? it is common to feel numb but that may be temporary; you can always adjust your dosage or find ways to cope with the numbness. 

Also, be open to persepctive. you may not have bipolar disorder or you may do. everything is a theory right now so stay open 

hope this helped 

PS, you are so lucky to be trans. you get the self-respect and confidence to do something so daring as transitioning and you get to experience something that not many others get to go through. lucky you!

[rosenotes]

@Daniyaal thank you so much for taking the time to reply. i feel like i'm in a much better place than when i initially posted. i suppose i'll take everything with stride and deal with these issues as they come, it's all i can do.

it’s definitely a process and i’ve been in therapy only to find that, even though transitioning is a part of it (i initially thought it was the main issue), there's so much more that makes me.. me, and it’s truly just a slice of everything going on within myself. having a mood disorder that needs to be addressed and managed, having a lot of traumas and internalized feelings that needs airing out. it's very daunting at times to face all of this.

i’m working through it though, and i’m happy to be in the place i am, even if i’m not where i want to be... i'm a strong girl, i've overcome a lot and i’ve had to fight my *** off to get here, after all!