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advice on coming out


britneyfan99

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im 33 going to be 34 in march and i need advice on if ishould come out or not i want to but at the same time im scared my mom is religious not overly but she is and believes stuff in the bible im nervous about her reaction and would like advice here on if i should or not i kind of alluded to it about 4 years ago but she never said anything about it i need elp what shoud i do?

  • Love 3
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Brave of you coming on here.

There is no right or wrong answer, everyone and their expectations are different. It’s special, as it is personal. Scary, as it is liberating. 

You must do what ever feels right for you. No one else. 

You obviously don’t want to cause distress to anyone. And neither to yourself. 

Do whatever is best for you. And go with your heart. That’s what this is all about. Who you will eventually love. 

Sometimes the hardest things in life seem the most insignificant. It’s just love right. Wrong. Love is everything and being happy in life is vital. Never forget that. 

Please choose your own happiness first, before you put anyone else’s before yours. Which I’m sure you’ve already done for almost 34 years. It might sound selfish. But you are human too. You also matter. You deserve love just like everyone else.

If coming out would result in danger, harm or irreversible trauma then be cautious. Always keep that in mind too.

Good luck hun!

 

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3 hours ago, Justin Woodpond said:

Brave of you coming on here.

There is no right or wrong answer, everyone and their expectations are different. It’s special, as it is personal. Scary, as it is liberating. 

You must do what ever feels right for you. No one else. 

You obviously don’t want to cause distress to anyone. And neither to yourself. 

Do whatever is best for you. And go with your heart. That’s what this is all about. Who you will eventually love. 

Sometimes the hardest things in life seem the most insignificant. It’s just love right. Wrong. Love is everything and being happy in life is vital. Never forget that. 

Please choose your own happiness first, before you put anyone else’s before yours. Which I’m sure you’ve already done for almost 34 years. It might sound selfish. But you are human too. You also matter. You deserve love just like everyone else.

If coming out would result in danger, harm or irreversible trauma then be cautious. Always keep that in mind too.

Good luck hun!

 

thank u so much

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@Justin Woodpond said a lot of what I wanted to say.

It really depends on the person, the situation, and what feels right to you. I know it got to a point for me where not being out felt like such a huge weight on shoulders that was weighing me down and preventing me from feeling free, happy, and like I was living my life for me. It got to the point where I had no other choice but to come out. My mental health was struggling hard always feeling like I had to hide or like I wasn’t being my authentic self.

If you come out to your mom, do you have your own place to be safe and secure (and not be thrown out on the streets if she rejects you and you live with her)? Do you have friends or family that you can reach out to who will support you no matter what and be your social support if other people you love don’t accept you right away? Think of the pros and cons and try to weigh all the possible outcomes of coming out vs not coming out. 

I’m not sure if you need to hear this or not, but I will say it anyway:

You are loved. You are worthy. You deserve to have pride in yourself and to love yourself for who you are.

Best of luck and feel free to pm me if you need to talk or anything!  :hugs_madonna_britney_ftr_2008_circus_hugging_friends_support: :sendinglove_kissing_heart_love_blowing:

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19 minutes ago, Urbanney said:

@Justin Woodpond said a lot of what I wanted to say.

It really depends on the person, the situation, and what feels right to you. I know it got to a point for me where not being out felt like such a huge weight on shoulders that was weighing me down and preventing me from feeling free, happy, and like I was living my life for me. It got to the point where I had no other choice but to come out. My mental health was struggling hard always feeling like I had to hide or like I wasn’t being my authentic self.

If you come out to your mom, do you have your own place to be safe and secure (and not be thrown out on the streets if she rejects you and you live with her)? Do you have friends or family that you can reach out to who will support you no matter what and be your social support if other people you love don’t accept you right away? Think of the pros and cons and try to weigh all the possible outcomes of coming out vs not coming out. 

I’m not sure if you need to hear this or not, but I will say it anyway:

You are loved. You are worthy. You deserve to have pride in yourself and to love yourself for who you are.

Best of luck and feel free to pm me if you need to talk or anything!  :hugs_madonna_britney_ftr_2008_circus_hugging_friends_support: :sendinglove_kissing_heart_love_blowing:

thanks so much for your kind words.

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I don't have time to read anyone else's responses but I think you should.

You're 33 or 34. Are you financially dependent on your parents at the moment? 

If not I think you should do it. Take your time and come out on your own terms but I don't think you're ever going to feel comfortable in your own skin unless you're out to your nearest and dearest. That's the only way to heal any childhood trauma or insecurities related to having to hide yourself and basically be repressed for 30 something years. You don't realize it but it can have a serious affect even on any potential/future friendships/relationships.

I'm not saying to do it tomorrow but feel out the situation. We're kind of in a ****ed situation worldwide so I think you being gay should be the least of your mom's worries. If you alluded to it 4 years ago she probably already knows. She might also be feeling you walking on eggshells about it so that might make her nervous/anxious to have the conversation as well. But I think you should try when you feel comfortable enough to do so. Maybe drop it in convo matter-of-factly and let it marinate? 

Or maybe wait until you have a boyfriend or girlfriend to present to her. It might make it more real if you actually bring someone home. I don't think it really hits for a lot of people until that happens. She might be holding on to hope that its a phase otherwise. Hope this helps! But I think your mom definitely already knows so the goal here is to normalize it to her she she can walk you down the aisle one day. Good luck! And make sure you're doing everything to heal any pain you might have from carrying this secret all this time. It's quite the burden!

Having a support group is essential.

  • Love 1
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Well there's not really much to say without repeating what everyone already said but my advice would be that you should do it because you want to and not because you feel pressured by someone or something.. I know it's hard and in my particular case I wasn't ready to tell my parents but something happened that made me do it right away before something else happened and gladly they accepted it, perhaps they don't fully agree with it but at least they respect me and that's what matters the most to me.

  • Love 1
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23 hours ago, MyahJeanSpears said:

I don't have time to read anyone else's responses but I think you should.

You're 33 or 34. Are you financially dependent on your parents at the moment? 

If not I think you should do it. Take your time and come out on your own terms but I don't think you're ever going to feel comfortable in your own skin unless you're out to your nearest and dearest. That's the only way to heal any childhood trauma or insecurities related to having to hide yourself and basically be repressed for 30 something years. You don't realize it but it can have a serious affect even on any potential/future friendships/relationships.

I'm not saying to do it tomorrow but feel out the situation. We're kind of in a ****ed situation worldwide so I think you being gay should be the least of your mom's worries. If you alluded to it 4 years ago she probably already knows. She might also be feeling you walking on eggshells about it so that might make her nervous/anxious to have the conversation as well. But I think you should try when you feel comfortable enough to do so. Maybe drop it in convo matter-of-factly and let it marinate? 

Or maybe wait until you have a boyfriend or girlfriend to present to her. It might make it more real if you actually bring someone home. I don't think it really hits for a lot of people until that happens. She might be holding on to hope that its a phase otherwise. Hope this helps! But I think your mom definitely already knows so the goal here is to normalize it to her she she can walk you down the aisle one day. Good luck! And make sure you're doing everything to heal any pain you might have from carrying this secret all this time. It's quite the burden!

Having a support group is essential.

Thank u so much for your encouraging words there very helpful and i needed to hear this yes i have my own job and make pretty decent money but i live with my mom to help her pay the mortgage hopefully going to move out once everything gets better.

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4 hours ago, alexdaily said:

Well there's not really much to say without repeating what everyone already said but my advice would be that you should do it because you want to and not because you feel pressured by someone or something.. I know it's hard and in my particular case I wasn't ready to tell my parents but something happened that made me do it right away before something else happened and gladly they accepted it, perhaps they don't fully agree with it but at least they respect me and that's what matters the most to me.

Thanks so much this really helpful !

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17 minutes ago, Fenixxx123 said:

If you feel pressure of doing it (like age) don't do it. Do it if you just really feel prepared and if it makes you happy because at the end of the day, is your life, your decision. Just don't do it if you feel pressure of doing it.

thanks i don't feel any pressure just really want to do it but not sure if anytime will ever be the right time i guess anytime would be the best

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