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I chased straight acting gays without realizing I never stood a chance.


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57 minutes ago, Britneyspearsandmlol said:


but they are so empty inside and shallow inside, like I by dating this guy that was a muscle gay I got invited into all the “cool” groups I became that gay. And as I got to know these people more and more they were never people I could be friends with, they were just so empty inside and shallow. 

Finally someone who understands me! None of my friends understood but you are right. It was literally 8 entire months of catering to his ego. Doing what he wanted to do acting the way he wanted me to act. It wasn’t worth it but I’m glad for the memories and what I learned about myself. I felt very much through that relationship i lost myself but I found myself again. (Selena Gomez reference lol)
 

How old are you if you don’t mind me asking? You seem very wise about these types of things. 

I’m 32.  Time is neutral though.  Some 52 year olds still don’t know what’s going on and keep repeating the same mistakes because they’re ignoring their patterns and the patterns of human behavior in general. 
 

and all muscle guys aren’t like that I’m sure...  well... I hope.  I still haven’t found the right one but I’m determined to land a **** fit hot guy with brains whose actually a human inside.  And has a pretty ****... yea I’m asking for a lot.

:ehum:

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I'm sorry, the old Robert can't come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, cause he's dead. 

never kill yourself when you can kill others  

I don’t know how it is for you, but to me it seems that wherever you go, there you are.  The more you try to run from yourself the more you’re confronted by the aspects of yourself you deny.  It’s eas

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12 minutes ago, PuertoRicosFinest said:

I’m 32.  Time is neutral though.  Some 52 year olds still don’t know what’s going on and keep repeating the same mistakes because they’re ignoring their patterns and the patterns of human behavior in general. 
 

and all muscle guys aren’t like that I’m sure...  well... I hope.  I still haven’t found the right one but I’m determined to land a **** fit hot guy with brains whose actually a human inside.  And has a pretty ****... yea I’m asking for a lot.

:ehum:

I feel you I would settle for an ok body and a nice ****. Some guys I went out with I really liked but when we go to the bedroom it was just too small so I broke it off lol I feel so shallow but it’s true 

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Thanks for sharing @Spicechinodiva

I don't necessarily think killing off your old persona will work in the long haul, because that implies there's still a layer of resistance. Instead, acknowledge who you were, but intentionally decide you want to become someone else - the person you strive to be. If others take an issue with that, that's on them to sort out, not you. 🙏 

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4 hours ago, Britneyspearsandmlol said:

Wait ok I have serious questions. 
 

I am your stereotypical basic twink. And I am only interested in masculine guys too and I don’t know why. There is only a very limited amount of guys I am interested in. Does everyone have this problem like when they go on tinder or hinge and match there are only a few guys they would consider? Am I just too picky? It’s weird but the guys that are the most like me I am the least attracted too, maybe that says something about how I feel about myself but I haven’t figured that out yet 

lately I’ve been finding the only guys that have been falling for me are ones I am incredibly not interested in and only see as my friends and I don’t know what to do because I only ever will like them as friends. But these are nice guys who I genuinely do get along with and instead I always won’t let  it happen. 

is the moral of the story that I should find new interests and new hobbies to attract this masculine guy? Cuz I will! Usually I try to act all cute and innocent but I need some dating advice. How do you land a nice masculine guy? 

but I don’t know if that’s true last year I dated this muscle guy for about 8 months he was so toxic but his body was perfect. (Hence why we broke up) He was very masculine. And it was everything I ever thought I wanted. On the surface we were perfect, on paper he was perfect too. But our relationship was a mess.

I feel like there will be someone who accepts you for you. 

It doesn’t have to be viewed as a negative thing as I’m sure there are manly gays looking for only types like you. You don’t have to be a sugar daddy, like in any relationship people are looking for different things. Look at straight couples, sometimes they are complete opposites yet are attracted to each other. I have a female friend who is more “manly” than her boyfriend but she won’t have him any other way. Maybe it’s just the romantic in me but it doesn’t have to be one thing or another. Everyone is different and complex with different needs and wants, you have a preference don’t feel ashamed about it. You can meet a masculine guy who finds you compliment him because you bring out his softer side.
 

 

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1 hour ago, Jordan Miller said:

Thanks for sharing @Spicechinodiva

I don't necessarily think killing off your old persona will work in the long haul, because that implies there's still a layer of resistance. Instead, acknowledge who you were, but intentionally decide you want to become someone else - the person you strive to be. If others take an issue with that, that's on them to sort out, not you. 🙏 

And to add to that, what a bad *** narrative would it be for Robert to resurrect from the dead as a new and improved supernatural powerful persona with Spice as a new ally to take on the world together as one force.  If you’re creative you can find uses for all these parts and repurpose them as a team with self.

“Honey I rose up from the dead I do it all the time.”

 

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19 minutes ago, puppylo16 said:

It doesn’t have to be viewed as a negative thing as I’m sure there are manly gays looking for only types like you. You don’t have to be a sugar daddy, like in any relationship people are looking for different things. Look at straight couples, sometimes they are complete opposites yet are attracted to each other. I have a female friend who is more “manly” than her boyfriend but she won’t have him any other way. Maybe it’s just the romantic in me but it doesn’t have to be one thing or another. Everyone is different and complex with different needs and wants, you have a preference don’t feel ashamed about it. You can meet a masculine guy who finds you compliment him because you bring out his softer side.
 

 

But don’t forget, everybody wants that same type so if you’re lucky enough to win the prize, you’re in competition to keep him with thousands of other gays who have muscles and they’re everywhere.  Your muscle bae is going to see them in the gym, apps, the beach, social media, the club, the supermarket, work.  What are you going to do to keep his attention?  Everyone is clawing for him and he likes superficial things or else he wouldn't be working on himself to look like a ken doll for attention and praise.  So what are you going to bring to the table?  You’re going to get tired of feeling like second fiddle in public when people shower him with attention.  Either have money or get ready to hit the gym like a super soldier just to keep up.  It’s all so exhausting.  

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1 hour ago, PuertoRicosFinest said:

But don’t forget, everybody wants that same type so if you’re lucky enough to win the prize, you’re in competition to keep him with thousands of other gays who have muscles and they’re everywhere.  Your muscle bae is going to see them in the gym, apps, the beach, social media, the club, the supermarket, work.  What are you going to do to keep his attention?  Everyone is clawing for him and he likes superficial things or else he wouldn't be working on himself to look like a ken doll for attention and praise.  So what are you going to bring to the table?  You’re going to get tired of feeling like second fiddle in public when people shower him with attention.  Either have money or get ready to hit the gym like a super soldier just to keep up.  It’s all so exhausting.  

See I come to a stage in my life where that stuff doesn’t bother me. If I need to compete to get his attention because he is looking for better fish in the sea, then so be it. I don’t want to waste my time, maybe because I already have toxic people that I have cut out of my life that were friends not even dating that did similar things to manipulate me and frankly that’s not healthy. You should want to work out with him to be involved with his life not to get buff to his level or even if you are not active, you can respect his lifestyle and not get jealous when he hangs with his gym bro’s. My mom was this was with my father and it drove them apart because she was so afraid of his wandering eye so no I will not follow in her footsteps and waste my entire life trying to make him love me you know what I mean? If it’s physical then it’s physical, both shouldn’t get emotional. But if it’s long term we are talking about,  I expect the other person to love me for me, isn’t that what everyone wants? Again everyone is unique and different, again not everyone that workout is vain, having worked in film and meeting lots of actors who look like Adonis but they don’t feel like it themselves or very down to earth. Look at how that no neck guy thinks he’s the **** and seeks attention. 

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And I grew up in rural America.

Only major city I lived in was Las Vegas.

 

But I was Between 5-8.

 

So the thing that my grandma had to check for was My walkman, My Michael Jackson cassette tapes. Always Har Thriller and Bad with me all the time. Grandma got smart. She would always notice actually 6 things 

And It became her daily What he is uo to now? Checklist. 

 

So walkman 

Michael Jackson (Eventually Paula abdul came along as well. Had to play fair)

My favorite stuffed turtle of all The ninja turtles I stanned for and still do in the original 80s cartoon form and live action movies. scared teenage mutant ninja turtles GIF

Michelangelo. The much needed comic relief back in my day 

 

Only thing she allowed was a picture of my dog Bud

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The fact that we had a Lassie dog growing up. Made me feel like. Ok. i m loving the beauty out of him.

 

Does pain me to see that this breed isn't as popular anymore as it was when I w as a kid in the late 80s and early 90s. 

I'm the hunter, you're the fox 🦊.

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2 hours ago, puppylo16 said:

It doesn’t have to be viewed as a negative thing as I’m sure there are manly gays looking for only types like you. You don’t have to be a sugar daddy, like in any relationship people are looking for different things. Look at straight couples, sometimes they are complete opposites yet are attracted to each other. I have a female friend who is more “manly” than her boyfriend but she won’t have him any other way. Maybe it’s just the romantic in me but it doesn’t have to be one thing or another. Everyone is different and complex with different needs and wants, you have a preference don’t feel ashamed about it. You can meet a masculine guy who finds you compliment him because you bring out his softer side.
 

 

Your right. I hope one day i find love but it’s so hard out there. 
 

I can find hookups no problem but dates are so much harder. It makes me think there is something wrong with me as a person not how I look (I got plastic surgery, changed my appearance to be what is considered attractive) it makes me feel like my personality is what turns guys off and that’s nothing I can fix about that. 

 

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this is definitely such an interesting issue that I think most gay men have to deal with

i would classify myself as more on the masculine side, not really in my interests, but more with my body, the way i dress, how i behave for the most part, and its weird because sometimes I wonder, am i really being myself? I think i'm being myself, but maybe if society were different or had different expectations, i would feel differently.

I'd say I'm definitely more attracted to masculine guys, i don't mean super sporty and athletic, or into monster trucks, but just more calm and collected, not flamboyant. It's weird but I feel kind of a repulsion to feminine men sometimes. Not because they are feminine, and maybe this is because of the media, but in my experience a lot of flamboyant gay men seem very shallow and fake to me, like they're overcompensating for some deep insecurities.

An extreme example would be Frankie Grande, i remember watching when he was on the reality show Big Brother and just thinking about how incredibly fake he was to the houseguests and how much he lacked depth, and I kind of feel like a lot of flamboyant gay guys are like that, so that's one of the reasons I feel like I might have an aversion to them. I feel like there's such a toxic stereotypical type of gay guy that does poppers all the time, hates monogamy, and will talk **** about you behind your back. It bothers me because I see sooo much of this in gay characters in the media.

But then I think about women, and for some reason women who act like frankie grande or jeffree star don't really seem to bother me all that much. Kind of like Paris Hilton, I just think they're really fun, and enjoy hanging out with them. So I feel like that's something problematic in me, but I guess now that I think about it I don't really enjoy being friends with women who lack depth or are overly flamboyant either. idk.

But I think the main reason I'm attracted to masculine guys is just simply because I'm attracted to men, like we all are. Straight women are attracted to masculine guys, they aren't usually attracted to fem gay guys. So it makes sense that gay guys have the same preferences as straight women, as we're both attracted to the male gender, and therefore, masculinity. I'm not really sure that's something problematic that's caused by misogyny or internalized homophobia either. I think it might just be natural... so yeah it is a turn off if i'm on a date with a guy and he acts really fem. I feel bad about it but I'm not sure its something I can really change.

I do think explicitly putting masc 4 masc on dating sites or not even giving more feminine guys a chance is kinda messed up tho.

It's interesting, I don't know if I just don't know enough lesbians, but I never seem to hear about lesbians liking other "straight-acting" lesbians.

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