So, Me and This Guy...

[BrittonJeanSpears]

I can provide more details if you guys need it, but basically:

• Our Story:

We met on Grindr back in August. I friendzoned him by standing him up for our first date (I thought he was a catfish). He then friendzones me when I try to make up for standing him up by meeting him shortly after. We hang out a few times, and he flirts with me. A month after we first meet, we hang out in his new apartment for the first time, and despite me telling him over and over that I just wanna be friends (but LBH, I'm not putting up any kind of fight), I end up giving him two back to back handies.

A few more instances of that (including a slightly scary instance where he held me down and kissed me after I very clearly told him "no", which he has since apologized for), and after he finds out I'm still a virgin a month later, he promises to take care of that. He then rides me like a mechanical bull that same night. (Honestly, IDK why tops love topping so much. I was expecting a tight warmness all over but I only got it from his hole. But he was LOVING what I was giving him, so maybe the appeal is in the bottom's reactions?) 

Then he got together with an old friend of his, and I kept telling him this guy was bad news but I supported the relationship. They didn't even last one month, and we did it again shortly after they broke up.

But then he gets another boyfriend and lasts with this one until about mid-February when they have an EXTREMELY messy break-up that lands him in jail. He may or may not have exposed his ex, a Catholic school janitor, for bringing him into the school after hours to have him help clean. (Which... Ew. Who brings their boyfriend to their job to put them to work?)  That led to a restraining order, which my guy felt bad about and so sent both a bouquet and an apology via text, which apparently violated the restraining order.

I knew I loved him the day we first messed around. But ever since he went to jail in early March, I'm sure of it. Not being able to touch him, to cuddle him, to suck him... It's torture.  I mean, I send him 1-2 letters a week (and get like 2-3 in return), but it's still not enough. I want visits but I can't see him due to the darn Corona Virus. I'm gonna try to spring for a conjugal visit the second I can see him, but IDK the protocol.

• The Cons:

He's got serious self-confidence issues. He doesn't love himself. He's religious, which is not a con in and of itself, but he can't reconcile being a Christian with being gay. He considers his sexuality to be "gay tendencies" and constantly tries to push them down. He has some pretty heavy baggage. He clearly has romantic feelings for me, but refuses to acknowledge them directly. He's currently incarcerated.

• The Pros:

He's a former male model who walked Fashion Week. He's a Veteran. His eyes look right into my soul. He's openly gay, despite all of his inner turmoil about his sexuality. He says I'm the only one who makes him feel safe. He says I'm one of, if not the only person who's by his side no matter what. Our ****** chemistry is off the charts, which he never fails to bring up. He doesn't have any issues with my current body weight (that makes one of us). He's versatile. And the man is BUILT. TO. BREED. He has no refractory period, and he is MASSIVE.  And I love him.

IDK what to do, I need advice. And I also have more tea if y'all want it. Just ask me to expand on anything.

[BrittonJeanSpears]

@ILikeChillinWithYou @Sinned_88

[Illegally EATEN]

Sounds like you two should absolutely be together tbh

Standing by his side during this difficult period in his life will certainly benefit you as well in the long run. He'll probably never forget that you were there for him ❤

[BrittonJeanSpears]

20 minutes ago, DonoDotto said:

Sounds like you two should absolutely be together tbh

Standing by his side during this difficult period in his life will certainly benefit you as well in the long run. He'll probably never forget that you were there for him ❤

Well, if we do get together, I’m definitely going to try to get him into couple’s counseling so that we can try to work through some of his issues. I want him to be in a better place.

 I also want to take him to a gay church at some point so he can see that it’s ok to be both.

[Illegally EATEN]

Just now, BrittonJeanSpears said:

Well, if we do get together, I’m definitely going to try to get him into couple’s counseling so that we can try to work through some of his issues. I want him to be in a better place.

 I also want to take him to a gay church at some point so he can see that it’s ok to be both.

Good ideas.

Accepting himself and his life is a process, and nobodys perfect. The best you can do is help him improve :-)

[BrittonJeanSpears]

13 minutes ago, DonoDotto said:

Good ideas.

Accepting himself and his life is a process, and nobodys perfect. The best you can do is help him improve :-)

It’s going to be a lot of work, but I’m willing to put in the effort to help him be the best version of himself. I just hope I get that chance.

[Illegally EATEN]

53 minutes ago, BrittonJeanSpears said:

It’s going to be a lot of work, but I’m willing to put in the effort to help him be the best version of himself. I just hope I get that chance.

Make it happen :-)

[RadicalOptimism]

The turns this story took. I’m shooketh 

[BrittonJeanSpears]

1 hour ago, CrazyButItFeelsAllright said:

The turns this story took. I’m shooketh 

What turn shook you the most?  

[jordeezy river red]

IDK - if it was me, I would run.  I can't deal with people who seem attracted to turmoil and it seems most of the cutest gay guys are, which is why "cute" is a red flag for me.  

[Sinned_88]

Sorry I'm late 

Omg girl, this is messier than I thought.

First of all: how old are you and how old is he? 

Second of all: I'm really bad at giving relationship advise. I used to be a romantic, but life made me more realistic. You should always keep in mind what's best for you and sometimes the highs don't make up for the lows. I'm also a caring person, but trying to help people that just don't want to be helped can be pretty exhausting. Having said this, I believe that you have to put in some efford to make a relationship work. I might be a little old fashioned, but I get so frustrated that people nowadays quit when the going gets tough. Whether it's a relationship, study, job. So if y'all are both comitted to this, I say go for it. But not only for his massive **** 

[Sinned_88]

46 minutes ago, BrittonJeanSpears said:

What turn shook you the most?  

The jail part 

[Jordan Miller]

13 hours ago, BrittonJeanSpears said:

But then he gets another boyfriend and lasts with this one until about mid-February when they have an EXTREMELY messy break-up that lands him in jail.

[BrittonJeanSpears]

5 hours ago, Sinned_88 said:

Sorry I'm late 

Omg girl, this is messier than I thought.

First of all: how old are you and how old is he? 

I'm 26, he's 31. And before anybody asks if I'm lying because of my age, yes I was still a virgin. I'd been in a long-term relationship before but the extent of my *** life with my ex was foreplay and like 6 seconds of me topping before his booty pushed me out without either of us getting off. And he never tried to top me so I haven't bottomed, either.

5 hours ago, Sinned_88 said:

Second of all: I'm really bad at giving relationship advise. I used to be a romantic, but life made me more realistic. You should always keep in mind what's best for you and sometimes the highs don't make up for the lows. I'm also a caring person, but trying to help people that just don't want to be helped can be pretty exhausting. Having said this, I believe that you have to put in some efford to make a relationship work. I might be a little old fashioned, but I get so frustrated that people nowadays quit when the going gets tough. Whether it's a relationship, study, job. So if y'all are both comitted to this, I say go for it. But not only for his massive **** 

I'm definitely committed to trying something. But like I mentioned, he has a lot of baggage, particularly when it comes to his own self-worth. I want to make sure I address those issues if we get together, because I never want him to feel like he's less than anybody else.

5 hours ago, Sinned_88 said:

The jail part 

I mean... Yeah. I get it.  He's really hotheaded and impulsive. But he's not violent. I went to one of his court dates with him and spoke with his lawyer, he's a non-violent offender and he's never had any violence in his background. So while there are some red flags, I'm actually very aware of them and willing to take a chance on him. He deserves for someone to do so.

5 hours ago, JordanMiller said:

Oh, I know. But it's worth it, because...

Plus he's a really great, sweet guy who deserves some happiness and someone to love and make a life with.

[babyimmafreak90]

Do whatever feels right for you, it sounds like you were having some hot times tbh. 

For me though, I’m 29 and I just couldn’t imagine trying to help someone that still hadn’t accepted themselves at 31. It seems like this dude still has a bunch of issues to work out and you won’t necessarily be able to help. You also deserve happiness with someone who can love and support you in the same way you do them. 

That being said, my bf was “straight” when I met him, then he just liked to play with guys but would never date one  but 8 years later, we’ve been officially together 7 years. Some people are worth the persistence, so go for it if you feel like he is. If there is any doubts you have though, cut your losses and move on. Life is too short, there’s lots of premium D out there. 
 

[BrittonJeanSpears]

2 hours ago, babyimmafreak90 said:

Do whatever feels right for you, it sounds like you were having some hot times tbh. 

For me though, I’m 29 and I just couldn’t imagine trying to help someone that still hadn’t accepted themselves at 31. It seems like this dude still has a bunch of issues to work out and you won’t necessarily be able to help. You also deserve happiness with someone who can love and support you in the same way you do them. 

That being said, my bf was “straight” when I met him, then he just liked to play with guys but would never date one  but 8 years later, we’ve been officially together 7 years. Some people are worth the persistence, so go for it if you feel like he is. If there is any doubts you have though, cut your losses and move on. Life is too short, there’s lots of premium D out there. 
 

Thanks. And congratulations on your boo.

[Roxxy]

Ok first of all I like that you trust your fellow Exhalers with your personal life. This is the kind of vibe I live for on Exhale. 💛

I say hard NO. I'm 31 and when I was your age, it was all love for me and I always saw the good in people even if they are self destructive. It's one thing if it's your family because you're stuck with them no matter what and I believe that blood is always thicker than water.

This is a relationship. You can control this. You can decide on this. And I say, decide not to. First of all, when you said he has a lot of baggage and has issues with self confidence - that's a big no in my book. It's so f ing exhausting to always reassure your partner that even if people look, they can't touch. At first it's cute, trust me. I did find it endearing at first. I found jealousy and being threatened of other guys cute. But if you're together for years and he still bugs you about it, it is exhausting. You wouldn't want to always force yourself to give a compliment just to protect his ego. His ego should be secure on his own. Also, i suggest not getting into a relationship with someone who will be a project for you. You were not born into this world to fix anybody but yourself and that is why I do not like the idea of Coldplay's Fix You because it romanticizes loving people who are problematic. And he's in jail. I'm not even talking about that per se. I have nothing against that. My point is, do you really want to put yourself through that? Going to jail to visit him when you have a choice of dating someone who is free and you can suck the hell of out his D whenever, wherever by Shakira? You do not want someone who doesn't love himself. I swear getting hung up on one guy is not worth it. I love you @BrittonJeanSpears and I really admire your courage. 

[RadicalOptimism]

10 hours ago, BrittonJeanSpears said:

What turn shook you the most?  

Like @Sinned_88 said  and omg your storytelling! I still remember your iconic Britney Jean ratings thread  if I wouldn’t get in trouble for it I would bump it so people knew you were the OG Brontosaurus Jane stan and not @PokemonSpears

[BrittonJeanSpears]

2 minutes ago, CrazyButItFeelsAllright said:

Like @Sinned_88 said  and omg your storytelling! I still remember your iconic Britney Jean ratings thread  if I wouldn’t get in trouble for it I would bump it so people knew you were the OG Brontosaurus Jane stan and not @PokemonSpears

Unless @JordanMiller has changed the rules since the last time I was an active poster, you shouldn't get in trouble for bumping threads unless you bump like 20 at once to create spam.  

So go for it and drag me, if you can find it. Most threads pre-2015 are long gone.

5 minutes ago, Roxxy said:

Ok first of all I like that you trust your fellow Exhalers with your personal life. This is the kind of vibe I live for on Exhale. 💛

I say hard NO. I'm 31 and when I was your age, it was all love for me and I always saw the good in people even if they are self destructive. It's one thing if it's your family because you're stuck with them no matter what and I believe that blood is always thicker than water.

This is a relationship. You can control this. You can decide on this. And I say, decide not to. First of all, when you said he has a lot of baggage and has issues with self confidence - that's a big no in my book. It's so f ing exhausting to always reassure your partner that even if people look, they can't touch. At first it's cute, trust me. I did find it endearing at first. I found jealousy and being threatened of other guys cute. But if you're together for years and he still bugs you about it, it is exhausting. You wouldn't want to always force yourself to give a compliment just to protect his ego. His ego should be secure on his own. Also, i suggest not getting into a relationship with someone who will be a project for you. You were not born into this world to fix anybody but yourself and that is why I do not like the idea of Coldplay's Fix You because it romanticizes dysfunctional relationships. And he's in jail. I'm not even talking about that per se. I have nothing against that. My point is, do you really want to put yourself through that? Going to jail to visit him when you have a choice of dating someone who is free and you can suck the hell of out his D whenever, wherever by Shakira? You do not want someone who doesn't love himself. I swear getting hung up on one guy is not worth it. I love you @BrittonJeanSpears and I really admire your courage. 

I only shared it on here because no one in my personal life knows Exhale exists, much less that I'm on it. But yeah, the family/community aspect of Exhale has always been something I've loved and I miss it a LOT.

And you're right, there are some red flags. But even outside of all of that, we're friends. And he doesn't have many people in his life. So yeah, I'm going to visit him in jail and spend time with him, because we're best friends.  I just guess I'll have to keep it platonic TBH

[RadicalOptimism]

1 minute ago, BrittonJeanSpears said:

Unless @JordanMiller has changed the rules since the last time I was an active poster, you shouldn't get in trouble for bumping threads unless you bump like 20 at once to create spam.  

So go for it and drag me, if you can find it. Most threads pre-2015 are long gone.

I only shared it on here because no one in my personal life knows Exhale exists, much less that I'm on it. But yeah, the family/community aspect of Exhale has always been something I've loved and I miss it a LOT.

And you're right, there are some red flags. But even outside of all of that, we're friends. And he doesn't have many people in his life. So yeah, I'm going to visit him in jail and spend time with him, because we're best friends.  I just guess I'll have to keep it platonic TBH

I wouldn’t drag you for it because it was a good read and yeah I figured most of it would be deleted by now. A shame