Do you believe in the "coming out" thing ?

[Alexanda]

Straight people coming out all the time: My kids, what should i buy for my husbands birthday? You get the idea. 

So why shouldn't a gay person do that? I have zero problems to tell people who i am, but only if the person is interested in it. 

Coming Out is also a way to say: Hello, we are out there too, like: We don't need to hide in most of the countries and that's because people from other generations did come out. 

I mean there is a reason for it, my parents were like: Someday you will find the right girl and stuff, so this needed to stop. 

I don't know why people in 2020 are more afraid of the term gay or the coming out, there is no such thing to avoid that, call it what you want, because when somebody knows your with the same gender, they will tell you most of the time: gay (even if you are bi for example) 

People in general don't care for the full story, they believe what they see. 

Let them talk 

[Alexanda]

On 6/9/2020 at 12:27 AM, Sia said:

I get the impression that many of you have a warped idea of what "coming out" really means. "Coming out" is not about waving your gay pride around for others to see for the sake of saying, "Hey ya'll, I'm a queer and I'm proud!" and some of the comments here really show the lack of historical knowledge about the LGBT community and the oppression it suffered decades back.

 

Some of y'all have had the privilege of growing up in a generation where the general public genuinely doesn't care whether you're gay or straight. We tend to forget that there was a time (in the US), where being gay was more than just a "sin." It was considered a mental disability, could get you put into a psychiatric hospital against your will and if the wrong people found out about you, it could get you killed. Being gay was not something you wore on your sleeve, you hid it from people and were expected to keep it to yourself. Many gay men often led "straight lives" and ultimately suffered their entire lives never being able to be who they really were all to avoid a life of ridicule and suffering.

 

The idea of coming out is something that was introduced in the 70s/80s as part of a movement for the LGBT community not to wave flags, but to say, "we're tired of being in the shadows and we deserve the right to live our lives being who we are without the fear of being victims of crime, discrimination and violence." That's what it's about.

 

Coming out is not about you or people's interest in your ***uality. It is a way for those suffering and living a lie to stand up and free themselves from the shame and oppression. If you didn't "need" to come out...good for you. You're lucky.
 

 

 

Oh honey, not just in the USA, it was a mental disability in Germany until 1994. 

[CindyTheTVisLeaking]

I live in a conservative Muslim country 

If I come out to my relatives, it will be over for me. Like literally "over" 

Muslim fanatics can actually kill human being for "not being normal" 

Darkness still prevails, unfortunately

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not for too long though 

 

 

 

[10pm24]

55 minutes ago, Mooncatcher said:

I live in a conservative Muslim country 

If I come out to my relatives, it will be over for me. Like literally "over" 

Muslim fanatics can actually kill human being for "not being normal" 

Darkness still prevails, unfortunately

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not for too long though 

 

 

 

Agreed. In where I live, you can still get beaten up, get killed, lose jobs, friends and your family as well as losing prestige even in the eyes of strangers who shouldn’t have a say on your life! And they can’t represent gay people on TV. Even if they do,they avoid writing a love life for the characters and usually use “the loud fashionista dramatic city femboy” stereotype in romantic comedies as a side character. 

But it depends on your social environment etc in my country cause there are also people openly gay, using tinder, tweeting their lives with no shame and some of them are even supported by their parents! (The number of these people is very low tho)

[Danielle1987]

On 6/8/2020 at 5:27 PM, Sia said:

If you didn't "need" to come out...good for you. You're lucky.

I agree with your entire post sooo much. Beautiful & a great “history lesson”. 
 

The part I quoted resonated with me particularly because growing up, my best friends were gay - and that was a huge deal in a small southern town in the mid 2000s. It was almost “necessary” for them to come out, because they couldn’t just be...not in our community, not in the mid 2000s. I love celebrating how far we’ve come! 

[Omar]

I must say I fully agree. I don't feel that my ***uality is nobody's business, but mine. Coming out shouldn't be a thing, but as Jordan said, the world is far from reaching that point.

I just introduce my girfriend or boyfriend to the family and they can make their own assumptions. Of course if they ask directly, it's a different matter, but otherwise I don't owe anyone an explanation, nor do I need their approval.

[2K16NEY]

Frankly, I don't think it is something you believe in or not. I felt suppressed into putting up a front and pretending to be someone I wasn't just to be accepted into society. I hid my identity from my parents and the rest of my family initially because I was afraid of becoming homeless or cut off.

Coming out is a show of strength and owning who you are. I felt a huge sense of relief when I came out 14 years ago. Hopefully one day, we'll reach a point where being a part of the LGBT+ community won't put you in a compromising situation but we are not there yet, not even close. 

[Alexanda]

13 minutes ago, 2K16NEY said:

Frankly, I don't think it is something you believe in or not. I felt suppressed into putting up a front and pretending to be someone I wasn't just to be accepted into society. I hid my identity from my parents and the rest of my family initially because I was afraid of becoming homeless or cut off.

Coming out is a show of strength and owning who you are. I felt a huge sense of relief when I came out 14 years ago. Hopefully one day, we'll reach a point where being a part of the LGBT+ community won't put you in a compromising situation but we are not there yet, not even close. 

Yes, yes, yes! Good words and it's true! I hated to pretend to be someone who i am not and there are always people who feel the need to put you into boxes, only for your behaviour. 

And that's a huge deal for many people, so huge that some people get lost in this expectations and play along, but forget: What makes you happy? 

And it shouldn't be that way. 

I hope everything is fine by now with your family. 

 

[Peanut]

I had to do it, it was affecting my mental health. I wish I had done it sooner to tell the church elders about it but I was scared. Only until now am I getting the help I need, but I thank God most of all! He's there for me and in the new world my fallen flesh will be restored to perfection!

[Nando.]

if you don't you will have to do it over and over again whenever you start a new job or is looking to form new friendships etc

i had girl friends get mad at me when i didnt tell them i was gay

and i didnt act upon any of my desires before i came out because people that i love didnt know about my ***uality yet so I felt like I would be lying to them

[2K16NEY]

9 minutes ago, Alexanda said:

Yes, yes, yes! Good words and it's true! I hated to pretend to be someone who i am not and there are always people who feel the need to put you into boxes, only for your behaviour. 

And that's a huge deal for many people, so huge that some people get lost in this expectations and play along, but forget: What makes you happy? 

And it shouldn't be that way. 

I hope everything is fine by now with your family. 

 

Exactly. I can't comprehend why we can't just let people live their authentic lives... especially when it has nothing to do with you. 

But thanks honey, all is good with the family now. They've grown to be way more accepting over the years 

[Arickwitana]

On 6/8/2020 at 8:11 AM, Jordan Miller said:

Love this! @Midnight

I think we should strive for a world where "coming out" isn't a thing, because it's not some big reveal. It's just second nature. But we're nowhere near that. People in the LGBTQ community aren't treated equally yet. 

Its gonna take a while. Gay marriage was only legalized in 2012... interracial marriage was illegal our parents lifetime, black people were fighting for their civil rights our parents lifetime, women werent able to vote till 1920 something.... we recently had our first black/person of color president, we JUST elected our first female president...

theres barely any asian representation in the media... 

i just started coming out a couple years ago... wasnt a big reveal but i had to have the conversations so i could gain confidence. Its been hard lol 😬

 

[SS91]

I dont believe in it. If I had a kid and they showed up and told me they had a crush on someone of the same ***, that should be accepted just the same way a boy could have a crush on a girl. 
 

the sad thing is, I really don’t feel we are there yet as society and scared we never will be. So while I don’t believe it, I respect it because it’s a mechanism to share who you truly are...even though you’re just coming out as yourself. Anyways 

[ObsessedBritFan1]

So dumb 

 

[Alexanda]

We need this things in school, like regulary with the same respect they discuss *** about a woman and a man. I don't care what some Karens have to say about this, but we are not represented there, which is only because of homophobia, but we are a part of the society, so? 

It's just weird imho that you have to figure out things for yourself (and i do believe school is there for this kind of things) which makes it a taboo, sorry but only showing the gaypride-flag isn't enough. 

Everyone has to be included and i do think that would solve a lot of issues in the long run. 

[SloppyToppyGoddess]

17 minutes ago, Alexanda said:

We need this things in school, like regulary with the same respect they discuss *** about a woman and a man. I don't care what some Karens have to say about this, but we are not represented there, which is only because of homophobia, but we are a part of the society, so? 

It's just weird imho that you have to figure out things for yourself (and i do believe school is there for this kind of things) which makes it a taboo, sorry but only showing the gaypride-flag isn't enough. 

Everyone has to be included and i do think that would solve a lot of issues in the long run. 

I agree. Because I had no one to teach me ANYTHING about the lgbtq+ lifestyle, I went searching online. I look back and I made such poor mistakes because I was vulnerable. I went into chat rooms at 11 asking grown gay men things and somehow got talked into doing live nude cam shows. And they made me feel **** and grown and NOW I look back and think how disgusting. I was 11. I even almost met up with a man of 40, that I really thought cared about me. Thank God, something in me said no and to block him.

Back to the point. If you don't treat both ***ualities as normal equals, one will go searching on their own and it can potentially lead to very dangerous situations. 

[ObsessedBritFan1]

7 hours ago, Mooncatcher said:

I live in a conservative Muslim country 

If I come out to my relatives, it will be over for me. Like literally "over" 

Muslim fanatics can actually kill human being for "not being normal" 

Darkness still prevails, unfortunately

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not for too long though 

 

 

 

Live fast die young bad girls do it well

 

 

 

[myonlywish]

I had to think about this topic for a while, and to be honest: I think it depends on your surroundings. I didn't even 'come out' necessarily, my brother and father both asked me one day, and so I admitted it. For the first years, every one was fine with me, other than mother (I believe some mothers have a harder time accepting that fact).

Forward to today, my father keeps encouraging me to act more like Don Lemon or Anderson Cooper: be a professional, and don't be so 'out.' I understand where he's coming from, society still seems not widely accepting of gay people... But, I wonder if there's a way to be both? That I can be a professional, and still be proud of who I am?

[Paolo94]

It's still necessary because there's no equality. We have to specify because people don't question other people's ***uality, taking etero***uality for granted. I also think everyone perceives it differently: for some people it's a heavy weight, for others it's like saying what they ate for breakfast. Maybe in an ideal future it will be something people don't care about, like knowing if someone is right or left-handed.

[ElenaB]

I've never come out. I just casually say that i don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, that this is my type of girl or that i find this girl hot. Some people act surprised but I just act like nothing happened, because nothing's actually happening. Like the OP said, I've always felt this way and there's no need for me to talk about my ***ual orientation as if it was some kind of condition or something. I understand it's not like this for everyone, but it's the way i always lived my bi***uality.