Do you believe in the "coming out" thing ?

[Midnight]

That's my question, do you? and if you do why? 

[Brat]

[CHAOTIC STYLE.]

King of doing whatever he wants. 

Jokes aside, I feel you. I will never “come out” just to explain the reasons why I am who I am. Plus, I’m living in a country where people just don’t comprehend the meaning of someone ‘coming out’. 
 

[Exaholic]

I never actually came out as such. I think the whole idea of coming out is a concept forced upon us by society because gay relationships are not seen as the social “norm”.

I always knew that when I met the right person, someone I really loved that I would tell people I was in a relationship with that person. I am gay but I always make a point of not actually saying “I’m gay” to anyone, not because I’m ashamed, but because why should I have to? I just tell them I’m in a relationship with said person because that’s all that should need saying.

I’ve been in a loving, committed relationship now for over ten years, not many relationships last that long. We are two people who love each other deeply that just happen to be two men.  It’s the love that is the important thing. Not the gender of the recipients.

If someone asks “Are you gay?” I’m quite happy to say “yes” because I am a man that’s attracted to men and I know whoever asking the questing usually means no ill by asking it. But, my thing is, that having to label yourself as one thing or another is purely for other people’s benefit and not for your own and that’s where I get frustrated.

To me I see being gay as a small, unimportant part of who I am. It’s not the most interesting thing about me at all and I don’t find it particularly interesting when people define themselves by their sexuality. We, as humans, are so much more complex and interesting than just what gender we are attracted to.

I find it hard sometimes because being gay, for so many gay people is their entire identity and that’s not how I am. I understand that for some it’s about being proud of who you are and I am proud of who I am, I just don’t feel the need to let being gay define my entire existence. And it shouldn’t really.

You have far more to offer to the world than your sexuality and the world should be far more interested in those other things you have to offer it.

[Urbanney]

Fantastic topic @Midnight! Thank you for posting and thank you to @Style. for bringing attention to it again.

Featured! 

[Jordan Miller]

Love this! @Midnight

I think we should strive for a world where "coming out" isn't a thing, because it's not some big reveal. It's just second nature. But we're nowhere near that. People in the LGBTQ community aren't treated equally yet. 

[Ofcoursenot]

4 hours ago, No Seas Cortés said:

I never actually came out as such. I think the whole idea of coming out is a concept forced upon us by society because gay relationships are not seen as the social “norm”.

I always knew that when I met the right person, someone I really loved that I would tell people I was in a relationship with that person. I am gay but I always make a point of not actually saying “I’m gay” to anyone, not because I’m ashamed, but because why should I have to? I just tell them I’m in a relationship with said person because that’s all that should need saying.

I’ve been in a loving, committed relationship now for over ten years, not many relationships last that long. We are two people who love each other deeply that just happen to be two men.  It’s the love that is the important thing. Not the gender of the recipients.

If someone asks “Are you gay?” I’m quite happy to say “yes” because I am a man that’s attracted to men and I know whoever asking the questing usually means no ill by asking it. But, my thing is, that having to label yourself as one thing or another is purely for other people’s benefit and not for your own and that’s where I get frustrated.

To me I see being gay as a small, unimportant part of who I am. It’s not the most interesting thing about me at all and I don’t find it particularly interesting when people define themselves by their sexuality. We, as humans, are so much more complex and interesting than just what gender we are attracted to.

I find it hard sometimes because being gay, for so many gay people is their entire identity and that’s not how I am. I understand that for some it’s about being proud of who you are and I am proud of who I am, I just don’t feel the need to let being gay define my entire existence. And it shouldn’t really.

You have far more to offer to the world than your sexuality and the world should be far more interested in those other things you have to offer it.

I feel the same way 

[Barajas]

I believe from a personal point of view this should not be necessary, in an ideal world.
But considering the different social inequalitis we still face globally and the different rights we lack as a community, coming out of the closet actually help us to gain visibility and diminishing inequalities, so yes I think coming out is something good for all of us.  

[helloitsme]

“Coming out” will stop being a thing once its as normalized as being straight and all the lgbtq shame is gone. We have a longggg way to go unfortunately with society. When do yall ever hear straight shaming? 
 

How many gay or out presidents do we have? How many out lgbtq leading roles do we have?

unfortunately people come out so they can be more comfortable with themselves and a big reason Lgbtq have felt uncomfortable themselves or even have sever mental health issues Is because we are born into a world full of homophobia and the underlying homophobia/transphobia etc mentioned above.

i completely agree with the person who started this thread... no one should ever have to and that is obviously your choice but its sad that many of us have to in order to feel more comfortable with ourselves with the people around us in the long run. Sucks but we HAVE to keep fighting for change for the babies out there and the future babies. What doesnt suck is the outcome of making things better. 

[TheySayImCrazy18]

One Day, It Would Be Great To Be At That Point Were No One Would Have To “Come Out”.  It Would Be Wonderful If Everyone Could Be Treated The Same. Unfortunately We Are Not, And Most Likely Neve Will Be In Yours Or My Lifetime.  It’s Sad, But True. 

[helloitsme]

36 minutes ago, TheySayImCrazy18 said:

One Day, It Would Be Great To Be At That Point Were No One Would Have To “Come Out”.  It Would Be Wonderful If Everyone Could Be Treated The Same. Unfortunately We Are Not, And Most Likely Neve Will Be In Yours Or My Lifetime.  It’s Sad, But True. 

Sad but true but we can make it better for sure. Part of what makes life beautiful is the fight & the growth. 💘

[Midnight]

Oh wow I had forgot about this topic, thank you for sharing your opinions. Also to add on I also feel that people need to learn respect and that they don't have the right cross that line to what is something I consider sacred. The same way any person would be offended if you ask them about something deep and personal no one has the right to disrespect you.

[theannehedonia]

It depends on the person and the reasoning behind keeping it private. Keeping something secret is often associated with fear and/or shame, so psychologically speaking, if those are the motivations behind keeping it from being public knowledge, then it's inherently unhealthy. Interesting TedTalk on being closeted from a bisexual women's perspective, who was married to a man, so she didn't outwardly have any motivation to do so.:

 

On a personal note, being closeted was terrible for me as I'm inherently open-book kind of individual. I came out when I was 16 and it was equally the most stupid and bravest thing I ever did (I lived in a small town that was very close-minded and got a lot of flack for it afterward.). Though I do hate the fact that I have to 'come out' every time I am in a new setting or environment (school/work/living situations, etc.)

[reecejwilson]

I came out and everyone was like ... we know  I was pestered for being fans of Britney & Gaga and claiming to be straight FOR YEARS.  and having a group of girl friends, never getting along with guys  it was so obvious 

[theannehedonia]

2 minutes ago, reecejwilson said:

I came out and everyone was like ... we know  I was pestered for being fans of Britney & Gaga and claiming to be straight FOR YEARS.  and having a group of girl friends, never getting along with guys  it was so obvious 

Bahaha, that was me. I joke and say that I was in a glass closet. Being even though I was in it, everybody could still see. 

[Exaholic]

10 minutes ago, reecejwilson said:

I came out and everyone was like ... we know  I was pestered for being fans of Britney & Gaga and claiming to be straight FOR YEARS.  and having a group of girl friends, never getting along with guys  it was so obvious 

I’m always a little unsure what people mean when they say they knew. I mean, you only know yourself when you realise it and accept it so how could anyone else “actually” know before you. They can’t. They can speculate and make assumptions usually based off small-minded and stereotypical depictions of gay people, which in itself, is very narrow-minded of them. I have had similar responses from family and people I’m close to and although I love them dearly and know they don’t really mean any harm or malice by saying it, it still kinda bugs me.

My thing is that I didn’t know who I was until I was 18, so neither did anyone else.

[Utopia]

But when you tell your co-workers "it's a man, not a woman" when they ask "since when have you been living with your girlfriend", isn't it a coming out anyway ? How can we avoid that ? I've had so much coming outs, and I think it's not gonna stop anytime soon.

[helloitsme]

21 minutes ago, brycetippe said:

It depends on the person and the reasoning behind keeping it private. Keeping something secret is often associated with fear and/or shame, so psychologically speaking, if those are the motivations behind keeping it from being public knowledge, then it's inherently unhealthy. Interesting TedTalk on being closeted from a bisexual women's perspective, who was married to a man, so she didn't outwardly have any motivation to do so.:

 

On a personal note, being closeted was terrible for me as I'm inherently open-book kind of individual. I came out when I was 16 and it was equally the most stupid and bravest thing I ever did (I lived in a small town that was very close-minded and got a lot of flack for it afterward.). Though I do hate the fact that I have to 'come out' every time I am in a new setting or environment (school/work/living situations, etc.)

Exactlyy. Coming in a new environment... although in the beginning for me was the hardest. Coming out over again is still hard but i feel more supported this time around...  but to feel closeted again and bringing those memories back is pretty mentally and emotionally painful tbh

[Midnight]

On 6/8/2020 at 5:43 AM, Style. said:

King of doing whatever he wants. 

Jokes aside, I feel you. I will never “come out” just to explain the reasons why I am who I am. Plus, I’m living in a country where people just don’t comprehend the meaning of someone ‘coming out’. 
 

 

 

 

[Midnight]

11 hours ago, No Seas Cortés said:

I never actually came out as such. I think the whole idea of coming out is a concept forced upon us by society because gay relationships are not seen as the social “norm”.

I always knew that when I met the right person, someone I really loved that I would tell people I was in a relationship with that person. I am gay but I always make a point of not actually saying “I’m gay” to anyone, not because I’m ashamed, but because why should I have to? I just tell them I’m in a relationship with said person because that’s all that should need saying.

I’ve been in a loving, committed relationship now for over ten years, not many relationships last that long. We are two people who love each other deeply that just happen to be two men.  It’s the love that is the important thing. Not the gender of the recipients.

If someone asks “Are you gay?” I’m quite happy to say “yes” because I am a man that’s attracted to men and I know whoever asking the questing usually means no ill by asking it. But, my thing is, that having to label yourself as one thing or another is purely for other people’s benefit and not for your own and that’s where I get frustrated.

To me I see being gay as a small, unimportant part of who I am. It’s not the most interesting thing about me at all and I don’t find it particularly interesting when people define themselves by their sexuality. We, as humans, are so much more complex and interesting than just what gender we are attracted to.

I find it hard sometimes because being gay, for so many gay people is their entire identity and that’s not how I am. I understand that for some it’s about being proud of who you are and I am proud of who I am, I just don’t feel the need to let being gay define my entire existence. And it shouldn’t really.

You have far more to offer to the world than your sexuality and the world should be far more interested in those other things you have to offer it.

 I love this I hope many read your reply and feel inspired by your words. It's very important to spread positive views and your message is perfect. Thank you for sharing.